A
female
age
41-50,
*loneandconfused
writes:My husband of 3 years recently told me that he does not know what he wants. He wants his old single life back but yet he wants his family life, me, his daughter and 2 step children. I don't know why he is acting like this? What do I do. He only started this roller coaster ride this summer, he is playing a lot of ball with his single friends and I think this is contributing to this. Do I stand strong and kick him out and move on or do I work with him? Please help.
View related questions:
I work with, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): In answer to your mail, I thought I would put it here so you might get other feedback as well.
So your husband is only 28 and got married at 25? Then I doubt it is about mid life crisis.
Sometimes what happens is people tend to give up too much of themselves and what they enjoy that makes them who they are for their marriage and family. This may be what he is feeling and just hasn't put his finger on why.
Ask him if he wants to abandon his family because he wants to be single? I seriously doubt he does as he says he wants both. He has forgotten what it is like to be single and how the grass is not always greener.
Perhaps the solution would be for you both to have some seperate interests that you partake in without each other, for him maybe it is playing ball with his buddies, for you maybe it is a day of shopping with the girls, whatever, don't give up so much of what you enjoy to have the safe routine of a marriage.
And then plan some date nights with just the two of you, get a sitter more often and remember to work on your friendship the thing that made you fall in love with each other. Sometimes it may have happened that yours is a child centered home where the kids sort of rule the roost and you have to fit your lives around theirs. It should be the other way around, kids should fold into your lives.
I highly recommend a book to read, it is something like "the Seven Habits of Highly Successful Families" by Stephen Covey...it can get the ball rolling to make yours a better family life.
A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (13 July 2009):
There are obviously things about his single life that he misses. He obviously doesn't want to give up on his life with you though or he wouldn't be there.
Councilling is probably a good idea as he needs to work out exactly where he stands and you need to know! He might just need a bit more space to do things on his own.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Well, it sounds like your husband is having a mid-life crisis which is no fun for you!
Considering that there are children involved, I think the two of you owe it to them to work on your marriage, and try counseling or whatever it takes to get to the bottom of the unhappiness on both your parts. It is not a good idea to end a marriage just because you are hurt or mad, although your feelings are certainly understandable.
Your husband is talking like a moronic jerk and he made a vow in front of God and everyone to be married to you forever, what was that, something that he thought he could just take back because he changed his mind and wants to be single? Give me a break!
Go to counseling, if he won't go then you go to help you communicate better about this and to help you to decide what to do....but if he cares at all about your family, he needs to make and appointment and go with you to find out what can be done.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Just tell him you understand having a single life is good and fun but he is married now and has BIG responsiblities eg you and his kids.He doesnt sound that mature at the moment too be honest to handle marriage and the kids.Maybe he feels suffocated underneath all this pressure of family life.You need to tell him you are getting hurt by all this and he needs to make a decision on what he wants.does he want to stand with you and make the family work or let it all go? God it will hurt you a lot if he lets go but it just means hes not ready and not mature enough.
...............................
A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (13 July 2009):
 that is tough when you have children. I would tell him he needs to make a choice. Not hurt your feelings with him wanting to not own up to his repsonsibilities to his family. I say stand strong( cry when he is not looking)..and nicely but firmly tell him the hurt he is causing you and you dont need to be feeling that way. Maybe you want to go out with your girlfriends and live the single life also.
...............................
|
