A
male
age
41-50,
*arwes
writes:I have been married to my wife for not quite 8 years. We have a wonderful 5 year old son who means everything to us. My wife used to be a designer in a large town. about 6 years ago, we decided to pick up and move north 3 hours to a small town to be closer to her family. Since we have moved here, my wife has been very emotionally disconnected with me. I am self employed and my wife is a designer still but not at the scale that she desires. THe emotional disconnect had become so bad that over memorial day weekend, I told my wife that I wanted out. It was a hard decision. She begged me to stay. Pleaded with me so I said I would give it one last try. Since then, on the surface things are better, our sex life is more consistent. That was an issue but not a major one. I asked her to get into counseling to finally address issues that were affecting our marriage that stem from her child hood. As of now she has not gone. She also had some heath issues and her doctor asked her to see a specialist. THis was 6 weeks ago and she has yet to make the appointment. Our son needs speech therapy and to go see a dentist and my wife keeps saying that she will make the appointments to go but she has yet to do so. He starts kindergarten in the fall and I am concerned that he will be struggling unnecessarily. She just does not seem to follow up with anything. I finally made the appointments for our son and she felt bad and was upset feeling like she was a bad mother. FOr most of our son's life, I have primarily taken care of him because my wife just won't follow up. I am at my wits end and here. It seems like she can't see past herself. I don't feel like my son or I will ever really be a priority in her life on a real level. My wife also feels jealous of the relationship that i have with our son and that she feels that I show more affection to him than her. I am affectionate with my wife, but lately its has been difficult to do so.
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male
reader, jarwes +, writes (13 July 2009):
jarwes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to the last comment I will expand on my wife's history.
My wife and I were college sweet hearts. She had an extremely abusive both verbally and physically childhood that she did a pretty good job of hiding from me when we first started dating. When I found out, I thought wow, despite all of the crap she had been through here is an intelligent, well adjusted person. On my wife's 21st birthday, her mom decides to leave her marriage. I was there. Awkward!!! My wife decides to put her life on hold and help her mom and here younger brother and sister. They were 9 and 13 at the time. They moved to L.A. We kept dating during this time. She went to college and lived with her mom, brother and sister. Maria feels and she probably did that she took care of everyone in her family and put her needs and dreams on the side. She has a lot of resentment towards them especially now that her brother and sister are adults now. She feels like they had an easier time growing up than she did. We left L.A 6 years ago to be closer to her mom. Her mom had moved north 2 years earlier. This was her idea. Immediately we became pregnant. As soon as our son was born, life really changed for her. She was depressed all the time. I chalked it up to postpartum depression and I stepped up to help out as much as I could. It became pretty clear that i was being blamed for her unhappiness. We moved to this smaller town, she is not a designer anymore, she did not want to be pregnant so soon. This carried on for years and I did nore and more to make her life easier as I just wanted her to be happy. We went to counseling and our counselor told me in my private session that I was not the blame, but that she has unresolved issues with her family that were being project on to me. I told her when I said I was leaving a few months back, that she needed to get back into counseling to resolve these issues once and for all. I hope this clears things up
A
male
reader, jarwes +, writes (13 July 2009):
jarwes is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHanks for the replies so far. I do know that she is suffering form depression. We have been to counceling, both as a couple and individually. Over Memorial Day weekend, I told her that she had to go back to counceling to resolve her issues once and for all. She has not made an appointment and its been almost 8 weeks. She had a very diffucult/abusive childhood and she harbors A LOT of resentment towards it. I told her that she has been emotionally stuck for 14 years. She is 35 now and this is getting kind of old. I have stuck with her for 14 years. I have been through thick and thin with her and I am running out of patience.
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A
female
reader, Felisha Marie +, writes (13 July 2009):
 Well, although I do believe in working things out, you can't keep on expecting better when there's no sign of any sort of better coming in. And when in a relationship, you shouldn't search for your own happiness at the expense of your child. We all long for a relationship and companionship with someone, but sometimes you have to take a step back and really ask yourself..." Am I going to take this, and settle here...unhappy for the rest of my life?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): I have a feeling she actually may be suffering from depression.had you ever actually considered that? if not then i think you need to go to the doctor with her and explain to him even alone before hand that you are really worried about her and think she is suffering from depression.For one thing she seems to have given up on everything even her son and she is becoming paranoid of the relationship you have with your son.Talk to your wife and tell her what you think then take her along to the doctor.even a physciatrist may help too.
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