A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me an my girl will have been going together for a year this January. This is my first relationship and her second. We are both 20. Are relationship has also been sexual for this time. We have had many fights in this time but have always gotten over them. Recently, however, she has been talking about how she is confused and doesn't know if she loves me as a boyfriend or just a friend or as a little brother. I can understand the first two because we hooked up shortly after her last relationship of 2.5 years ended because she got sick of him cheating and being bad to her and maybe she just found me as a friend but wanted me to fill that missing spot in her life. The part about her thinking of me as a little brother bothers me because she thinks im immature and childish. Which i think is ridiculous because i have been nothing but mature about our relationship. It is only because she is a student success driven person and I value success as something to be achieved through finding haplessness, such as having a family and raising good honest kids, rather than a prestigious job and a 4.0 GPA, that she thinks im immature. She says that she doesn't know if we are right for each other because we are so different. She refers to me as a 'redneck' (i dont think this is accurate) were she is anything but. I support the second amendment, i love America, want to own and store guns in my house, i drive a big truck, i want 3-5 kids, i wanna live in a small rural town, and im most likely gonna be a firefighter and contractor/carpenter. She loves urban/suburban areas, want only one girl and one boy 5 years apart, drives a little VW, is Japanese and has no interest in becoming a citizen, hates guns, and is going to be some sort of doctor. I guess it is true that we have a lot that is different. I guess that what Im asking you guys is what do you think is up with her? Do you think that she is realizing that we will never be able to make each other happy in the long run, or that she made a mistake and jumped into a relationship with someone that should have just been a friend because she was lonely, or that she no longer has feelings for me. Also what do you think I should do. I can try to change a little, but I cant reverse my whole life and live a lie. Also this is only my first relationship, and as much as I may love and care fore her I guess I have to be realistic and think about what the chances are that she is teh one I have top fight for. Im confused now because she is confused. please. Any help is welcome.,
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female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 good to hear that you broke it off and was able to remain friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i did it. I broke it off. we both remain friends tho. thank for the help
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A
female
reader, Adorskable +, writes (23 November 2010):
Why don't you make this hard decision. Obviously you two are too different and have different goals and expect different things in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she is now acting like nothing ever happened. She does this when we fight too. If I mention what she said she will just get upset and mad and ask why am I bringing up the past. We are both headed home for thanksgiving break today. Maybe I'll suggest that she takes this time to think about us and if it's something she wants. Cus I sure as hell don't want to be in a relationship that she is going to question because she isn't sure she wants to be with me yet us afraid to be alone. Thanks for the help
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A
female
reader, Adorskable +, writes (22 November 2010):
You two have different goals nothing wrong with that. She might have liked you and developed feelings for you through time but the difference in goal is the set back here. I feel that maybe you two are not compatible may love each other but the goals are to different to overlook. I really hope you and your girlfriend figure things out.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (22 November 2010):
These are common thoughts for a woman her age. Around 20 years old, especially if you're in college, is the time when you start to see your entire life unfolding before your eyes. You want to find out where your place is, what sort of job you want, what kind of success you desire, and overall what type of person you want to share your life with.
A lot of relationships end around this time because, at least for the women, their confusion about what they want leads them to see what it is you aren't giving them rather than the happiness you bring. It looks to me like you have a lot of differences between you, and maybe you two just aren't meant to be. I know its tough to hear, especially when you care for her, but maybe you need some time apart.
Initiate a break, and tell her she needs to take some time to assess what it is she wants. Maybe in that time apart she'll stop seeing what you aren't and start seeing the great things about you she's forced to be without during that time apart.
You don't have to change for her, and she shouldn't have to change for you. Sometimes the pieces just don't fit. Good luck mate.
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