A
male
age
41-50,
*oul83
writes:Apologies in advance as this is not so much a relationship question as it has more to do with rebuilding a life from the ground up financially.Three years ago I left Australia and spent the entire $20,000 I had saved through my hard work over four years while I completed university.In China, I taught English but the money covered expenses of rent, visas, food etc for my wife and I...Then we made the decision to get married and start a new life back in Australia. I had high hopes for my degree (undergraduate biotechnology). I had high hopes for many things. I've been back 8 months and I've relied on my wife's hard work and savings to pay for many things. I barely keep afloat with casual work paying the rent, mobile bills, health insurance and several other expenses. She has been contributing to the rent while I have been receiving welfare payments. She has even offered to pay for further study if it will improve my employment prospects.I am 29 at the end of next month. She has gone home to visit her family and left me to fend for myself. About time too. Now the reality is hitting home with the pain of missing her for 2 months and being stuck in this crappy bedroom in a sharehouse with a shower curtain for a blind.How the hell can I rebuild from the ground up. I've got stable work as a casual 25-30 hours per week at $19/hr. That is gonna help pay the bills. But my life is in such a mess that if my wife left me tomorrow, I'd be destroyed. It has taught me two valuable lessons: I can't even support myself, let alone another person.I have a student loan that is worth $32,000 and I see it going up every year or half year with the CPI index. That's a scary prospect. Facing this on my own is proving more difficult than I could ever imagine which is why I have come to realise that my wife, despite all of the conflict, has been my greatest emotional support when she has seen me down - the coming and kissing me and saying it will be alright or that I'm smart etc. has kept me going!Oh my god. At 29 I am still not completely independent! I have never lived for an extended period of time on my own and now I am facing the tough reality. But I'm ready to suck it up.So, I am searching for work anywhere in Australia (preferrably Sydney!) and every day there are more and more workers getting retrenched around me to the point where the market is in oversupply with not enough demand. I hate thinking that I'm screwed. I hit the job search sites regularly, so the question is how long before I get full time employment? I mean decent employment. I have a degree and want to put that to use.But right now, I'm behind in the rent and trying to catch up. I'm right royally screwed and trying to work my way out of the mess. I really need help this time as I have never felt so bloody low.And I know my partner has said some pretty horrible things to me and beat me up verbally in the past, but I am just now beginning to open my eyes and realise that her temper is stemming a lot from my lack of employment and the fact that I am relying on her too much. It is her savings that have kept us afloat. It is her that has tried to keep me bouyant and tried to encourage me. Now it is up to me.But I feel scared about the future after being unemployed for so long. I have a lot of jobs in mind that I would love to do.Let's see if any of you could throw in some suggestions based on my interests, experience and qualifications:- I am learning Mandarin Chinese (still needs a lot of work)- I am passionate about helping people. I like customer service but I want to take it into a higher paying job than just retail. I enjoyed the casual job on the wharves over the summer in which I processed the passengers onto the cruise ships. So I thought about extending that into the airport/airlines industry.- I have a passion for dealing with Chinese and there's a big market for them coming to Australia as tourists.- I have a biotech degree (but find getting science work a bit difficult to get into).- I have the patience to deal with people of all kinds with a friendly smile. I am really compassionate with the elderly and those in need.- I'm technically minded and pretty clever to work out any computer-based systems or electronic devices.I have experience in teaching English in China and working in retail for many years in customer service and management roles.Please if anyone has any ideas can you help. Much appreciated!
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male
reader, soul83 +, writes (9 July 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh, and she left to China with the intention of spending time with all her friends and family which sounds good but isn't really in my mind. Is it a separation? It feels like it. Our sex lives have been very bad due to an occasional ED problem and a medical problem with her. I suspected that ahe will act single over there and god knows what will happen seeing as she has lost all respect for me and told mecshe is tired of me and needs a break. I have endured a lot! So has she!
What hope is there of my marriage working? I think very little. She even took her male friend out to dinner a few days before she left. I will spare the rest of the details ans concentrate on how I can rebuild my life.
A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (9 July 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't going to complicate things further but you guys may as well know about the hard time I am having. My wife has finally gotten so upset with me that she confided in a close male friend about leaving me for two months to have a nice summer holiday with her family.
Not before calling me loser and other nasty names for letting us be in the situation we are in. I work a part time job at the moment and right now is the worst financial state I have ever been in. I have $60 to my name until I'm paid today and moat of the money will go towards rent. Such a great life. My lovely wife saved $20,000 through hard working while I struggled through unemployment.
I often think about giving up and going back to China to teach. I am really confused and hurt. I might be at the bottom but I don't want to have people look at me this way. They don't understand that I have started over twice and now I have double the bills supporting two people!
So, I have tried to plod along and do the best I can. But I carry a lot of hurt. I am responsible for not having full time continuous work in 8 months. This is ridiculous. These next two months are important for me to get my life back on track. I thought of the separation as a good thing and a had thing. Her living a happy life but I can't be too resentful because if I'd had work for 8 months, our lives could have been filled with fun and even travel together.
Getting through the hurt is a big thing.
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A
male
reader, soul83 +, writes (9 July 2012):
soul83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all the answers so far!
doberdark: actually I'm married which is even harder. I already have an idea along the lines of what you ate talking about. Thankyou for recommending that it is quite possible. I was a little concerned about needing extra qualifications or licences to setup a tuition center. I think private tuition would work well though.
anonymous: I think your answer may just be the one thing I have been searching for probably for the last 3 years. It sounds perfect. Can you elaborate on where I could find an agency that does that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Hi,
Try looking at the relocation industry, a lot of people are migrating to Australia from China and you can work with the company that helps them settle down. Its a great industry and i feel that you should fit right in
Best of luck
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A
male
reader, DoberDark  +, writes (9 July 2012):
I would also like to point out that asking others to help you rebuild your life isn't exactly the best way of being (to take your own words) "completely independent!"
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A
male
reader, DoberDark +, writes (9 July 2012):
I feel your pain!! It's hard nowadays to work and survive. However, 30 hrs/week at 19$/hour doesn't seem half bad for a one man solo. Maybe you should REALLY look into your budget and see where it's all going and find some solutions to cut the costs. One tip for that is to put a few jars on a table or a counter for a month.
Rent, Restaurants, Cable, Cellphones, Food, etc.
The jar with the most bills in it is most likely the department in which you have to make some cuts.
As for what you could do as a future job:
- You speak some Chinese and are able to teach them English?
- You live in Australia with a big market for Asian tourists?
- You love working with people?
Sounds to me like you should be looking either to set up your own Tourism Agency specialized in Asian clients and/or work as a Tour guide in Australia. I've had some friends do that for Europeans here in Canada and apparently it's good money.
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