A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont think I love my girlfriend of two years anymore. Here is the situation, 2 years ago I met this girl, but she was already married for 4 years but something happened and we started talking with one another and before you know it we were getting preety close. I really liked her and she really liked me and i convinced her to leave her husband and come with me...and well she did. Now its been two years and I have doubts because I have noticed in the past year that we have absolutley nothing in common. She doesnt go to school, doesnt really have a education, doesnt like the things I like and isnt really my type. I dont know what to do and how to break it off becaus everytime i talk to her about it, she tries so hard to make me stay and cries forever saying she left her husband for me and she cannot waste her life and time trying to find another person. It seems like she is IN LOVE with me and I dont feel anything...nothing. Can i change this?? I think if i dont love someone after two years what would it be like after 5-10yrs. Also she is 2yrs older than me so she is couple steps ahead of me for all the kids/marriage stuff so it seems like she is rushing me. She has already put it in her mind that she wants kids and marriage with me, but thats the last thing i want. I dont want to hurt her because I am the only one in her life since she really doesnt have any close friends. Plus theres another girl that was my first crush like 10yrs ago and is very interested in me and we have beeen talking and i have found out that we have soo much in common and she is smart and intelligent. I dont know what to do!!! I dont want to hurt anyone!
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 I feel beyond sorry for your girlfriend, because you really didn't know what you were doing when you told her to leave her husband. She has now thrown her lot totally in with you, trusting you, and you have had the time to realise you don't really get on with her, and you don't want to be with her.
I think the reason you are posting here is because this isn't a simple 'we don't get on - let's break up' thing, is it? You do owe her something, and to dump her now would be adding insult to injury. But, of course, you can't ultimately continue with a relationship that isn't what you want.
Or should you? One point of view - that nobody has really put here - is that she gave up her family life for you, trusting you. You should therefore stand by her and stay with her, because you were the one who told her to leave her husband. And you should get married and have children and at least give her that. And you should forget about this other woman because you aren't free - you offered your love and protection to someone else, and told them to trust you and give up everything for you.
Yes, I think that is my answer ... stand by what you promised, and give her what she deserves. Stop upsetting her with talk of not loving her, and leaving her. For once in all of this, do your best in a situation of your own making. If you have to make sacrifices, so be it. She did for you.
Sorry that sounds harsh, but I just don't feel comfortable with the self-centred, self-serving 'ok she isn't right pity you didn't notice before dump her now and cut off all contact and go with the next one who seems right for you - and oh, don't feel guilty, because you have to do what's best for you' idea ... it's just too selfish for my liking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): You liked what you couldn't have. The excitement of sneaking around with her behind her husbands back, "the thrill of the chase" so to speak. Now that's over and you're faced with the reality of a mundane relationship. Be careful what you wish for.
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A
female
reader, Crystal J +, writes (12 October 2010):
Ok this is coming from a womans point of view...I think that u should just let your girlfriend know how u really feel... And I mean do it ASAP!!!! Ok it's prob gonna crush her to pieces but that will be better for the both of u... U should have been told her!!! That way she could be already healn.... And u never know she might not be telln u everything either.... Sooo just becuz she breaks dwn about cryn really doesn't tell the story....The feelns could be mutual!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): I think there is no point just sticking to her, if you are not married to her. So no legal issues as such to bother. It does not make any sense for you to be with her.
Obviously she made a wrong choice in life in leaving her marriage for you but that is her KARMAs, so she will have to bear that pains.
What ever happen you will not be able to give her what she want in these situation so leave her in slow mode.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I'll save the speech about how you shoulda figured out she wasn't right for you before you convinced her to leave her husband cos I reckon you know that already.
But yeh, you gave it two years... maybe prolonged the relationship out of guilt longer than you should have. You gave it a shot, it didn't work out, so do whats best for both of you and move on.
Its a shame for her, but its the best thing for her if you already know that there's no future between you two.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Ok its a tough situation to be in and i know its very hard for you but you need to be honest with yourself and also to your girlfriend, there is obviously something wrong when you dont love her after two years and you cant stay with her due to guilt as it will only make you resent her down the line and you will both be in a very unhappy relationship so you need to be honest now.
I no you said you have tried talking to her in the past but you need to be stronger and not give in to guilt. Of course she will cry but she will get over it someday. So you need to tell her that your heart is just not in this relationship, you feel like you both are in different places and you have tried everything and its just not working. Dont let her talk you around tell her you are ending things and nothing she can say will change your mind. Once you have ended things dont contact her for a while, yes she will be hurt but time will heal her and lets face it most people have felt the pain of someone leaving them so dont let this stop you and as for her leaving her husband this isnt all your fault she had the choice and not all relationships work out even when we want them to.
As for this other girl when you do break up dont go straight to this other girl give it some time. Get used to being on your own for a while first as its not healthy jumping from one relationship in to the next. cut all contacts with your girlfriend focus on your life for now and maybe in a month or two you could start dating this girl to see if it will lead to anything.
Your girlfriend is not your responsibility so you shouldnt stay with her out of guilt she deserves to find a man that loves her, you say she has no close friends but am sure she could take up a hobby and meet new people.
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A
female
reader, andrea_c +, writes (12 October 2010):
 inevitably, you'll realize you can't live the way you're living with this woman and you'll have to break it off. You'll HAVE to hurt someone in the end because there's no other way out, it seems. She'll be forced to move on, find friends, and start over. The sooner you break the news, the better, for you and her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): Well, you come across as a first class a-hole.
You get into a cheating relationship.
Then you get bored.
It takes you two years to realize she isn't what you want after encouraging the breakup of her marriage.
Before you buy into that, perhaps the two of you should try counseling.
You definitely need it.
She does as well.
Separately.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): why did you tell this girl to leave her husbond if there was noting between you,and stay with her for so long you need to sit down and think really hard about what you have done and what you can do to make it right for this girl cause at the end of the day you broke up her marraige you told her to leave her partner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2010): She was married so there was the fun of the chase. She seemed attractive because she belonged to someone else, not because you had any real feelings for her.There must have been something wrong with her marriage for her to leave her husband. Devoted happy wives simply don't up and leave for no good reason and you took advantage of that for your own selfish ends.Now there's another girl on the horizon that you've got your sights on. Let's look two years into the future. You've left your girlfriend for the new girl and now things are getting boring. You were attracted to her because she would be another notch on your bedpost; a challenge, someone else to play emotional games with.Do both women a favour and get out of their lives.
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