A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for over 8 years, 7 of which have been totally void of love, sex and affection. I became pregnant 7 years ago and all attention was switched to my daughter. I am very angry with him for destroying my life as I have continued to crave his affection and a larger family, which now seems totally out of the questionWe have seen therapists on and off for the last 4 years. They still have not been able to get to the root cause of his frigidity. He knows exactly how I feel but because I have withdrawn he now blames me for the stail mate. I don't know which way to turn. I have no strength to leave at the moment but all I seem to crave is another man's affection. Is this so wrong ????He buries himself in projects and raising money for good causes, which I resent, but feel awful for doing so. He also likes feeding upself unhappiness by reading and watching harrowing news items, which really worries me. I will say, that he is a good man at heart and a very good father but something is eating him inside. What should I do ?????YoursTrapped
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female
reader, Shanners +, writes (31 October 2010):
It's a case of either fish or cut bait! I know each one of us can do it! I've got the scars! If you are ever in Worthing, West Sussex check em out! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): I have a frigid husband too, and it is so painful. First of all squash the affair idea it will only cause more confusion. Chances are you don't want another man, you want your man and to feel desired by your man. This is normal to have the attraction and desire in a loving relationship. It is not normal to shut down and feed on violent TV shows instead. If he is not willing to go to counseling and work on himself and his part in the relationship, you either have to love him as he is without conditions, or it is time to move on and start over. Believe me, the rejection only further eats at your own self worth and the bitterness only grows deeper. If he does not want to change and actively take the lead in his counseling, the relationship you are hoping for and hanging onto is only in your dreams...it will only get harder the longer you stay in it. I am sorry to tell you the truth, but I hung on to the promises and hope for 35 yrs., only to be told he has no desire to be intimate ever again. Well at least he finally was honest...35 yrs late. Do what is best for you, that will be the best for your daughter.
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A
female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 When you initiate sex/affectionate actions, he just says no? Walks away?
Have you explored whether he is still attracted to you?
You say something is eating him up inside, does he appear unhappy? Or is he just dis-affectionate with you?
Have you tried being his friend? Doing relaxed activities and such with him?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 February 2010):
It's ultimatum time for your husband. Either he opens up and tries to fix it, or you leave. And you have to mean it. There is no point in having an affair, because that will make this even worse and then he'll really be able to blame it on you because you will look bad. Give him the ultimatum. Clearly id he doesn't worry, then the marriage is over and you should move on.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 February 2010):
So you haven't the strength to leave, but an affair is just fine?
Well you could always talk to him about having an open marriage. That would solve both problems.
I don't think just going off and cheating is a good idea. But if you ask him if he still wants to be married to you and would not object to you discretely taking care of your own needs then it might work.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (1 February 2010):
You should consider a separation. Sometimes a shock can be the trigger to get people talking. Just agree to a 2 week separation where each of you decide if your relationship is worth saving. Or if you can afford it, take a holiday off by yourself to Paris or something. Maybe he has you all the time and no longer appreciates your value. A separation or a holiday away may wake him up (no pun intended).
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