A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night I got stupidly drunk which I don't normally do. I've never been that drunk in my life and I did something completely out of character. I had a one night stand with my friend's friend and I feel really disgusting and dirty. It was my first time as well so I bled a bit on my friend's sheets. My friend and the other people that were with him know what I've done and I can't avoid him because we go to the same college. I really don't know what to do... I just want to avoid everyone and act like it never happened but I know my friend won't let me do that and I'm scared it's going to spread around my whole year group at college. What should I do? :( Please help.
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female
reader, ffogalilly  +, writes (29 March 2010):
Its a tough situation to handle, but we all make mistakes, I've done my fair share of stupid things, but I always learn from them. If they are truly your friends they would give you the space that you need, but I would go and talk to this guy and tell him how you feel. If you're on the implant I would think that you're safe, but I would get screened for STD's in a couple of weeks just to be safe. I am sorry that your first time went that way.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I also don't think it was a "horrible" way to lose her virginity. It wasn't what she planned for herself or what she wanted, but it certainly isn't horrible and life scarring such as rape, that is "horrible".
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Sincerely yours, no it wasn't a jab at you....I just think it is not helpful to dramatize and "awfulize" this situation for this girl, that is what she is doing to herself.Being involved in a car wreck and subsequently burned would be "horrible". Let's just be very judicious with our language because words are very powerful and it is these words that form our perceptions about what happened. I know what you meant and am not trying to correct you, I am correcting the original OP's way of thinking and coping with this delima....that is why she wrote in here.Nor am I saying that because it is a common thing that she should just shrug it off either, I am saying to her put it into perspective. As a quality person, this one event out of her whole life and character does not define her or change the fact that she is a good, well meaning person.Nuff said.
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Is that a stab at what I said, rhythm? I said it's a horrible way to lose your virginity, so I hope you didn't take it as my saying it was a "horrible mistake." Virginity is very precious to a lot of people and losing it is just as precious, so I hope the experience doesn't haunt you for long. And it wasn't a horrible mistake. My guess is, it's a common mistake. That is why I advise you to only drink with those who have your safety and well-being at heart. Because those are the girls who will stop you from doing something you regret, and the guys who will not take advatage of your drunken state. (Not saying he was taking advantage of you, I don't know). So, if that's how you took it, then I just wanted to make that correction. But I meant just what I said. A horrible way to lose it, and again, I am sorry that you are going through this regret.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Another important question to ask here, since you were drunk, did he use a condom, or did you have unprotected sex? If the answer that is yes, you may want to go to the pharmacy to get that Plan B pill or whatever it is called to prevent pregnancy. (Sorry, they didn't have such a thing when I was your age and I forgot what the name of it is)
You can get pregnant your very first time, so take precautions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): Hi, I don't think you made a "horrible" mistake, words are very powerful and if we label an experience Horrible or that you are a "dirty" and "disgusting" then it makes it more formidable and dramatic and therefore seems unsurmountable.You aren't any of those things and you aren't the first college girl to lose her virginity to a male friend while in a drunken stupor. It happens and of course there is a certain amount of regret the next day. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and lessons your ability to make good judgements.Your body is ready to be sexual, you just put yourself in a position where it was inevitably going to happen.I think if you talk to your friend about it and that you are embarassed about it, hopefully if he is a good friend he will reassure you that to him it wasn't that big of deal and doesn't change the way he feels about you.The take away lessons from this is to never get that drunk again when you are around any guy. You could actually get raped or worse if you aren't careful. Never leave your drink unattended either at a bar and come back to it, not with the prevalence of date rape drugs. If you go out on the dance floor, pour out the drink when you come back and order another. Try to drink water or gingerale instead of alchohol, it looks like a drink if you put a wedge of lime in it and your friends won't bug you about having another cocktail.....well I am getting off the main points here.The other take away is to know who you are and what you are about and try to live those values every day. We are all human and we make mistakes. Forgive yourself and vow to do better. Just because you lost your virinity this way does not make you dirty and disgusting, sex isn't dirty and disgusting between friends, after all friendship is the cornerstone of any romance. You don't have to continue having sex casually with anyone, you can wait until you find that special someone and when the time is right your first time will feel just like that, your first time.Don't sweat it kid, you'll be alright. I agree with the other aunts on their advice...learn from it and move on with confidence and rebuild the trust you have lost in yourself.
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 March 2010):
Aw... sweety, I'm so sorry. What a horrible way to lose your virginity and build relationships. But as lethalinjection said, you just have to learn from it. Don't EVER drink that much again. Also, I don't ever drink with anyone who is not a close friend. You should never drink with people who don't have your safety and well-being at heart.
If you try to avoid everyone, or ignore the situation, they won't know how you feel about it. For all they know, you are happy and proud of it. You have to tell your friend and the guy how you feel. Tell them both that you are sorry, that you drank too much and never wanted to hurt anyone, including yourself. Simply ask them not to spread it around because you're ashamed of it and will do your best not to repeat it.
And if they do spread it around, they're not people you want to be around. And if the people they spread it to join in talking badly about you and making fun of you, those aren't people you want to be around either. And it's highly unlikely that they will spread it to people who don't directly know you, because it's not something that would be interesting to anyone else.
And if for some reason, people were interested anough to talk about the girl they don't know who slept with the guy they don't know, colleges are full of people who are full of their own problems and their own mistakes. It will be forgotten to everyone exept the three people involved. So just forgive yourself, learn from it, and don't let it happen again. Everything will be fine, you'll see. Head up high! Take care.
~Sy
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female
reader, LethalInjection-x +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Well you can't change what's happened, only learn from it.
Obviously you can't simply avoid everyone, so instead you have to brave it. Explain to your friend that it was a drunken mistake and that you regret it. If your friend is worth your time then they'll see how much it's getting to you and drop it.
People are bound to talk, and you're probably going to hear gossiping etc, but you really need to act like it doesn't bother you. If people know they're getting to you, they're bound to carry on.
x
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female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Ok so you were completely drunk and some guy had sex with you while you were intoxicated. Where I come from that's called rape. But it seems to me that you are more concerned about this incident being spread around. You say your friend will not let you forget about this incident. Why? You can private post me is you wish. I have some other questions for you as well that you may fell more comfortable answering in private. Ok?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 Put up a straight face ,bear with it and grin..Hope that it will not spread like a wild bush fire or it will die down quickly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): oh i also forgot to say that the condom broke.. I have the contraceptive implant but should i go get tested? if so how do i do that without my parents finding out
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