A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm an 18 year old female, and after weeks of struggling to find the perfect moment to tell my best friend I'm gay I decided to tell her by text last night. I was to scared of her reaction if i told her face to face, so I decided it was better to text her than to carry on lying to her.She is the first person i have came out to and the only person I trust with this big secret. She said that it's cool, and that it doesn't change anything and that we're still best friends. Which was such a relief. I can imagine that she was extremely shocked though. I said we should meet up to talk about it in person, she said she would text me today to arrange something, however I haven't heard from her yet, should I fear the worst, that she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore?Although she has gay male friends she has expressed the opinion to me in the past that being gay is 'not the way it's meant to be'. So I really don't know how this is going to affect our friendship. SHould I contact her, or shall I give her some time to take it all in. I love her so much and I couldn't bear to lose her as a friend. I am actually also in love with her. However I know that she is straight and I'm not going to tell her as I will try my hardest to move on and get over her.I just reallllly need some advice on what to do next?Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): Whatever you do, dont seem pushy, give her time, she may need a little to get used to the full reality of what your confession means. Just let her breath a bit, and in the end if she is your friend she'll be there for you. :]
A
male
reader, celestial  +, writes (26 August 2009):
Honey, you shouldn't be scared! You are afraid that she might not accept you for who you are. But, you forgot, she is your friend. She told you it herself. So, if she really is your friend she will always accept you no matter what you do. After, all you are still the same person inside!?!
The real struggle you are feeling is from the mixed of love and lust that you feel for her.
She might not return those exact same feelings. But, that doesn't mean you should stop loving her.
So what if she is not gay. Can't you still love her for who she is? And expect the same kindness from her...
The only way is meant to be is to be happy.
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A
female
reader, MonicaC  +, writes (26 August 2009):
 What you do next depends on what you want to accomplish. If your interest is simply in retaining the close friendship, then you should be okay with behaving as you did before. That means, I presume, that it's fine if you don't hear from her right away and that things are laid-back. However, if your interest is in taking the relationship to a more intimate level, which you implicitly seem to want, then your next move might be somewhat different. You probably want to let her contact you first, and then move the discussion toward more serious matters when in person.
You really need to be honest with yourself though. It sounds like you are quite in love with her, and if she doesn't reciprocate, then you are going to get hurt very badly. If she said she was cool with what you told her, that's great. But, you are about to go into a confusing territory now because you've revealed something that she didn't know. Naturally, that will mean a period of readjustment might follow. That could mean time apart, time to digest, time to re-group.
If you choose to come out to someone you're in love with but who is straight, you're already taking a pretty big risk of being hurt. You might want to come out to other people who are gay or who can and will support you in the future. If your friend thinks this is not the way to go in life, that should be a clue that she's not going to be THAT supportive.
I don't want to come off harsh, and I hope all the good things you want come to you. I'm just not sure she will be the one to give them to you.
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A
female
reader, Ditzydaisy +, writes (26 August 2009):
I think that first you should never be ashamed of who you are. If she dumps you as a mate she obviously wasn't a true one. Call her and tell her that you feel worried that your friendship wont last and that you feel uncomfortable as though your going to lose her because of your sexuality. Tell her that you trust her with your secret but most of all let her know how much she means to you as to why you chose to share it with her. If she know this then she'll feel like she doesn't have to be uncomfortable around you because she might think you might try something on you and she'll learn to relax. Call her and ask to meet to go watch a film or do some shopping. Expect there to be awkwardness at first but she'll get use to you being so open. It'll be diffrent at first but things will change and she'll learn to realx around you and wont be bothered much by it anymore. Most importantly remember you are who you are and you should be proud. :) Hope this helpsxxx
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