A
female
age
51-59,
*uvlorn
writes:Are there any books, articles, other help for MEN WHO CAN'T COMMIT/LOVE? When you google it, all you find are books warning women about these men or how/why women fall for men like this. How about HELP for the man himself??? (He wants it! He wants to figure it out)- (no, won't go to therapy, but would read!) So... any help for the man who can't step up??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, luvlorn +, writes (23 August 2007):
luvlorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again, Frank..
LOL... therapy?? Noooo... he will NOT go, tried, begged, threatened. NOPE. He does read and I sent him the link toyour book and other things and he thanked me and said he's reading stuff...
He DOES play out the little boy- obsessed w/ video games- ignoring visting mother,daughters, me, etc. And is still stuck in 80's on heavy metal music... a few other things too... childlike big kid, stupid silly sense of humor...
Let's chat off here if you care to share the suggestions not appropriate for this medium- I am game. I am giving this one last effort, as he IS worth it,really!
I'm on aol... xboxwidow360
Thanks!
OP
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 August 2007):
 WOW. I can not begin to imagine the war going on himside right now.
There are two things I am going to suggest.
1-He must first cater to the little boy in him, show some love and tenderness. This will help him get closure on that part of his life.
2-Then the boy will have to be let go, so that he will move on as a man.
One man I know had similar issues. He needed to go out and buy some children's record albums, and cater to the little boy inside, since he felt he had lost his childhood due to abuse. It brought him some peace. Another man I know had to indulge in buying action figures for himself for a short period of time, and playing with them in private. These men were both in their 30s. In time, they satified the inner rages...
HOWEVER, part of finding peace with their inner childhood, is to know that at some point being a kid for a man ENDS...and knowing himself and becoming decisive will take over childhood innocence. That is where my books come in.
Some men live out their childhoods through their own children, but they become too childlike and the women in their lives end up being "mothering" to them...which kills the attraction for her to him.
I think the MOST important thing here is that YOU do NOT become his therapist. The type of attention he is craving, he can not get from you, as you will get turned off by it in the long term. Very few women can play the double role of mother AND lover to the same man for long term. Short term, many women can handle it, but long term, kills the relationship.
Have you considered suggestion a female therapist to him to cater to the little boy in him (so he gets his mothering there), and you giving him the devotion of a lover? If this does not work, I do have other ideas...but they are too controversial for this medium.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, luvlorn +, writes (23 August 2007):
luvlorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Frank...
*I* think he is a little boy is many ways, BUT he's also a responsible, hard working contientious adult. I mainly fear he's justtoo "wounded" to let go and open up completely. His mom left his dad when he was 3 and he has only seen him once since, then remarried and had another child and I see him as "the third wheel" in the situation w/ a stepdad who wasn't the greatest and kicked him out at 18- joined the navy and met a gal who was "the first girl who ever paid attention to me", so married her immediately although she was older and had a 4 yr old son- went out to sea 6 mo's to return and find her 4 mo's pregnant and stayed, raised the baby as his own and had another child (definitely his) while she continually cheated (and so did he then after all that) until she ran away w/ another man. But "stuff happens to everyone and you move on and get over it"... Hmm... *I* think he's not over it, cannot trust and scared... maybe a little boy in some ways, and a wounded one at that. *sigh*. *I* can't heal him, know that much- hope he reads and heals... I do love him and all the great potential that is there. See seperate post re: what happened last night! UGH Thanks again..so appreciated!
OP
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (20 August 2007):
Hey there,
My site is Franktalks.com, and if you read my profile, all the links to the books are there.
As for what is the matter, it could be one of two things.
The first is that he is holding out for something better. However, from what you write, I do not think that is the case.
The second is that, there are some men the REFUSE to grow up. Being an adult, taking on adult responsibilites is not pleasant. They feel the burden of leading and taking the chance of being grown up as more painful than to stay where they are at.
This is very common for men that grew up with feminism. If they were exposed to an unhealthy version of what feminism was taught to be (a hatred of men) instead of what feminism was intended to be (a support and verification of women as human being having equal rights under the law). If this is the case, a boy who growing up hears about what monsters men are, will block his own development into a man, in order to not become "the monster" that hurt women.
Unfortuneately, this cause many nice guys to remain irresponsible and unable to let the boy inside them die, so that they may face the challenges of life (including making committments)like men.
Some men that I have counselled are adult aged male virgins, which is a result of the above mentioned situation. For them I conduct seminars on being adult aged virgins. You can read about those on my website as well.
I hope you find some comfort in this.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (18 August 2007):
I would trust Frank B. Kermit. I haven't seen him write a bad piece of advice on here yet. So a book by him must be pure gold!
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A
female
reader, luvlorn +, writes (18 August 2007):
luvlorn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK,so WHERE do I get this for him??? THANKS!
Thoughts on the situation??? What is the problem? HeSAYS I am all he's ever wanted, thinks the world of me, has tried and made efforts and progressed, but still "blocked" for some reason after 2 years together... why? Things have been GOOD lately too, as I relaxed, backed off, got busy, not "needy"... don't GET it! Says it's HIM and he's broken... so... let's FIX him!!!
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (18 August 2007):
Yes, my book "I'm a Man, That's My Job: The Philosophy of a Seducer" is designed to turn boys into men, and get them to grow up once and for all. The section on the meaning of life (base life philosophies # 8) is key. It is an inner game workbook with 50+ writing exercises, so it is not just a read...it is a manuel for men to grow the fuck up, and step up.
Also, my book "Everything Out Of Her Mouth Is A Test: A man's guide to the emotional needs of women", teaches men to understand women's emotional needs such that he can finally get why commitment is important to women, yet not as important to men.
P.S. in case you are wondering, I am getting married in 3 weeks.
-Frank B Kermit
Author
www.franktalks.com
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