A
female
age
51-59,
*azzzy
writes:I have been seperated from my ex for a year. he has stopped paying maintainence and now he wants to take our 21 month old daughter out with his new girlfriend (who i do not know) do i have the right to stop him from taking our daughter out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): best bit of advice i ever had was always to look behind anything that hurts you and could be affecting your child.your ex is still a child himself.he need a woman to replace his mother.i went through all the same thing myself.my ex didnt bother with his son for a year and the courts said this fact would greatly go against him.all he was doing(he MORE or LESS admitted)was making sure that he was set up with a new woman.he was a womaniser,that one of the main reasons i left.let him be the baby he will regret it one day when he might become a man.
A
female
reader, cazzzy +, writes (21 February 2008):
cazzzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it's Thursday, and still no answer from him. I think that his new girlfriend is now more important than his daughter.
I am not going to pressure him into seeing her, but still 5 visits in a year is pretty pathetic. Well i have been worring over nothing then.
Many thank for everyones advice it was a real eye opener, this web site is fantastic, everyones response was gratefully recieved.
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi cazzyYou know you can suss these guys a mile if he has only saw her 5 times in a year, he's not up for the job!Has he got parental rights? Even if he's on her birth cert he must have parerntal rights before he can do anything.Don't listen to these aunts that give you a guilt trip saying you have an agenda, yes you have your daughter! You're responsible and you alone, you bring her up daily he swans off so you do what you think it best/right for you and your daughter after all, where was he!?Take care dear and don't worry
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A
female
reader, cazzzy +, writes (19 February 2008):
cazzzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust an update on my ex visiting his daughter, "HE NEVER EVEN TURNED UP". he didnt contact me to say that he is not comming. So I know now that I do have the right to say you are not taking her out. It seems that his new girlfriend is more important than his daughter.
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A
female
reader, cazzzy +, writes (18 February 2008):
cazzzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it's monday and im feeling anxious, he is due any time now and i know i will be having a go at him. he has only seen her 5 times in a year and if he thinks he can do this then he has a nother thing comming, he is welcome to come in and see her but not his girlfriend. Many thanks for all your responses, I feel a little clearer to what i am going to do, i will be applying to a meadiation center, and he can visit his daughter there and this way he never has to see me again but he can still see his daughter.I will up date later to let you all know how things went
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (17 February 2008):
Hi poster
Yes you do.Agree with others if he stopped paying money has not seen her for a while he is a stranger to her and the g/f well she doesn't have to see her at all she is only his g/f. Explain this to him talk to him if you must and try to sort something else out but you do not have to hand her over on Monday
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A
female
reader, cazzzy +, writes (15 February 2008):
cazzzy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex has been gone a year and has only visited her 5 times and for christmas he only bought her a cardigan. I am not stopping him from seeing her, but he is not making any effort in wanting to see her. but now this new girl is in his life and he wants to take our daughter out to see her, but he doesn't have a clue how to look after her and i have not even met this new girlfriend. Do i have the legal right to say no. my daughter is 21 months
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (15 February 2008):
 i just read the first answer to your question and things may have changed?anyway about 3yrs ago i was in the same set up as you.my ex and i went to mediation to sort out access visits etc.i bought up the subject of maintenance because my ex could afford a car,new clothes,trainers,new mobiles etc but wasnt giving our son a penny and hadnt done for the whole of his eight years since birth?they told me that maintenance was nothing to do with them and that i had to go to a solicitor to sort that out!how did he treat you when you were together?was he generally ok?you have every right to ask a few questions about this new girl or even to speak to her as you dont want a complete stranger being in your daughters company.it annoys me when people read so much into what is sometimes a parents protective instinct?i would say the same if you had a new partner and he wanted to be in the childs company.you have the right to a civil conversation with this new girl and surely if she is caring enough she will understand this?if he,s already opted out of paying maintenance what other responsibilities does he want to forsake?i really dont understand why so many people are focused on saying never mind if he doesnt pay for his own flesh and blood as long as he sees her???is it ok for the rest of society to pay for them until the absent parent decides their children are worth paying for?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): I agree with everyone else that any feelings whether they be good or bad that you may have towards your ex and his current girlfriend should be put aside and you should concentrate on what is best for your little girl.However, the fact that he has stopped paying maintenance troubles me as this could indicate that your ex partner wants all the fun and none of the responsiblity that comes with being a parent.It's a good idea to know where you both stand regarding your daughters welfare and future and I would strongly urge you to seek the help of Family Mediation. You would be able to sit down with a mediator and work out access and maintenance and have it all written down in a final agreement that you both sign at the end. Family Mediation is not free but if you are on benefits or a low income you may be eligible for free help.Best of luck. xx
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A
female
reader, amber2328  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 If the only reason you are keeping your daughter from your ex is because of the way he treated you in the past or because he hurt you and you have yet to move on then yes it is wrong! I am not saying that I disagree with you cause I have been there myself but your daughter is the most important issue in the matter. She deserves to have a healthy and happy connection with both of her parents. As far as the money issue he needs to realize that your daughter also has the right to a safe and stable enviroment. Best of luck......
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Hi - you question is leaning towards the fact you don't like the fact your ex has a new girlfriend, so wish to prevent a visit.
The real question to be addressed is why has he stopped paying maintenance?
Are there formal arrangements in place for maintenace and visitation??? Getting this aspect sorted should be your priority.
Take care, Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): Not really, it's his daughter too and unless you see this woman is unstable or there are some extenuating circumstances then you have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
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