A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend cheated on me along time ago with the guy she lost her virginity. No sex, they just kissed then she walked away. The same thing happened at the beginning of our relationship. She was quite the party animal and used to drink a lot. We hve been together for a long time, and i forgave her, the first time was only a week into our relationship and i let it go. The second one I forgave her because i really do love her. She has changed alot and i can see that, the problem is, i really can never 'truly' forgive her and i know i never will, though i still want to be with her. I have really bad anxiety normally, and i feel sick when she goes out without me. What should i do, both times she was drunk, and now anytime i see her with a drink, i just feel completely sick, even if i am there!!!! I know she wont do it again, she has changed alot for me, the past just seems to haunt me though. The worst thing was she said it was just in the moment when they kissed the second time... I dont understand how there could possibly be a moment when u r in a serious relationship. She doesnt speak to him anymore and only just recently she has started getting extremely jealous if i speak to another girl without her being there. I hve never done anything wrong and she knows she can trust me, i believe when you are with someone you give yourself to them and no one else can get in the way. The jealousy turns into anger, she seems to also be scared im going to do something. I want her to have fun, but its so hard to handle letting her with what has happened.
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female
reader, Delis  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 honey,
i have a theory that goes like this: if the person is really picky about something or even extreme in some cases (oh, forgot to say that this teory works on in the emotional life) well, it because deeply inside that person identifies herself to that certain behavior.
im not saying that she cheated you again, but if she is so jealous of you, she certainly is reacting thi way because she's done the same!
she doesnt want to me cheated, but as she had the guts to do it, she's afraid you might also have.
be careful, and i really think you should rethink all that love ya have for her. if the person is not taking that love seriously, the best thing is to find one who does.
A
female
reader, Jay_xxxxx  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I know how your girlfriend feels in a way of her getting jelous about you talking to other girls, but don't feel worried it ust means that she loves you and really wantsto be with you but doesn't want anything getting in the way. Has she ever been in a relationship where her boyfriend cheated on her?
If she has then that will be a reason for this, she is just worried you'll do it to her, if not then she is probly just worried that she did it to you and you might do it to her to get her back so reasure her you love her all the time.
Also take her in your arms and calmly ask her not to drink around you because of the reason, tell her the truth about how you feel and always reasure that you love her and that you hope she understands.
hope I helped a bit x
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A
female
reader, Abrasive_Reality  +, writes (14 August 2009):
Unfortunately as serious of a relationship you may feel you are in when both individuals in the relationship are not committed equally to it, it's just a mere fabrication of a "serious" relationship in which many problems occur.
You love her, but it doesn't seem like she loves you, and if she does it is most certainly not in the same way.
When you are in a relationship you learn how to compromise and how to make each other feel comfortable, essentially allowing the trust, that relationships so desperately need, to build up.
She has done wrong, more than once and she has yet to give up her lifestyle that seems to bring her to these "in the moment" type of situations; More like "under the influence" type of moments.
I know we all don't want to make people change because in some way we feel we are being unfair and unjustified so we want to accept others for how they are.... sometimes though, it just doesn't work that way. You need to tell her these things, and then tell her WHY it makes you feel that way. She will either slow down her outside life, give it up completely, or in worst case scenario not stop.
In my opinion, if she truly loved, cared, and cherished the relationship you two had she would have absolutely no problem giving up that lifestyle to be with you.
Your jealousy is quite understandable, however you have to really be able to talk to her and tell her what you want so that you two aren't running around in circles hoping you can read each other minds, and so she is NOT walking all over you or pushing you to the limit.
Yes, I feel that personally she should have grown up a bit and stopped all that foolish behavior of hers, but maybe that's not her and sometimes it takes a little more to help someone see from the other side.
I say, if she doesn't compromise with you, or give up that lifestyle of hers to be with you then the relationship is nothing more than another notch on the belt and it is probably time to give it up as heart wrenching as it may feel and walk away, otherwise you are only subjecting yourself to more of this painful, agonizing torture.
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