A
female
age
30-35,
*atiemariex3
writes:So I have recently gone through a very traumatic breakup. I was with this guy for 2 years. We planned on getting married and had our kids names picked out. We were so much in love or so I thought. He left me on January 15th because he liked another girl. I am so devastated I dont know what to do I feel like my world is over. I dont know how to move on from this after been given the world by this guy. I need some encouragement to get on with my life :( He has cheated on me in the past but that didnt matter because i loved him. The girl he is with now doesnt treat him right she ingores him and tells him to leave her alone all the time. people say that he misses me and i heard he was talking about me to a friend one day. but then he offically chose her on some day in early febuary. honeslty i think hes just using her but who knows. how can i move on with my life?
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female
reader, katiemariex3 +, writes (7 March 2010):
katiemariex3 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everbody. You are all so wonderful. I didnt know you could update on here so I posted another question. If you could please help me with your wondering advice on there that would be great.
Thank you all again
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 First real love is always the most painful unfortunately, but you really need to cut contact with him completely for at least 6 months or however long it takes to get you back on your feet. Tell friends to never talk about him or what he may or may not be doing with his new girl... who cares! If he's stupid enough to walk away then he clearly didn't know what he had when he had it. Don't keep a glimmer of hope in your mind that you will get back together or that he will change or anything like that... it'll only make the pain drag on for longer than it needs to. You've been in a relationship for 2 years being very focused on your future together, which is pretty normal. But now its time to focus on yourself. Be downright selfish. Do the things that you want to do, do the things that you couldn't/wouldn't do when you were in your relationship, splurge on yourself, read books, catch up with old friends, travel... hell, spend all your money on a new wardrobe. The possibilities really are endless and once you start taking full advantage of them, you'll not only feel better, but you may even begin to enjoy being single and carefree.If there are any ideas in your mind that this guy was "the one" or he was special and nobody else in history has ever loved anyone as much you loved him... get rid of them. These thoughts will only hold you back and make you hesitant when it comes to forging new relationships. And try, try, TRY not to compare him to any new partner that you have in the future. Don't focus on finding anyone new right now, just focus on yourself. When you're happy just doing your own thing and not being so serious, someone new and exciting will come along, guaranteed :)That's my opinion in a rushed nutshell- beds a callin' ya know... I feel for ya, I really do. It sucks when you build your future around someone and then you get the rug yanked out from underneath you. The pain can make everything except sleep seem pointless, but you'll get through it... ya just gotta remember to be selfish ;)Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): No one knows for sure if he's just using her, so try not to find excuses for him. He dropped you and I am sorry. Listen, you sound like a lovely, nice person, who is still in the 'denial' phase of losing someone. I know it's painful. And that's okay. We should all be allowed the understanding and patience with ourselves to grieve the loss of someone we loved. But, you need strength and you need to gain some control over these feelings. And it will come in time. You cannot rush the process. Eventually, you will take all this sadness, this sorrow and turn it into a healthy 'righteous' anger. He's cheated on you in the past. And you said you didn't mind because you loved him? I'd say you taught him how to treat you, horridly by allowing yourself to be a doormat, here. Never, ever love someone so much that you allow this type of mistreatment. You need to love yourself more..learn to do that!
You do have the right to be angry with the way he's treated you, which was disrepectfully. Once you work through the indignation, the pain, the anger, you will come to a point where you have healed enough to gain 'acceptance'. You just aren't there yet. You are still in that 'painful-but-i-love-him' mode. You are trying hard to recover...you will get there. Be good to yourself. I want you to read the following article. It is a very good thing to read about recovery and moving on. Please try hard to read it all:
http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive-end-of-a-relationship.asp
Don't give up..you are in a process. Again my heart is with you at this time. You are suffering a loss. Be good to yourself and this hurt will end. But please the only way you can do this, is to completely lose contact from him. Cry, yell, shout, get mad...but work this through. It will ease up. Please come here to give us updates on your process. I think it will help you to vent more and get your feelings of sorrow out.
And never ever love someone so much, that you'd allow them to mistreat you. Learn to set tough boundaries and always expect the best from any guy in your life. Don't settle for less.
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A
female
reader, cry  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 swettie this all happend to me but it was a 10 year relationship. its for the better and if its meant to be then it will be but until then enjoy your life its his loss and also dont be so [ available ] to him..take care of your self.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I feel for you, I really do. I am also going through a very tough time right now. All I can say is pray for reconciliation, and if that's not was God has in the cards, pray for strength. I keep telling myself that if it's meant to be, then it will be. Of course, that doesn't always help and doesn't always motivate me enough to stop crying and get off the couch, but to be honest, it's true. You can't make someone feel the way you want them to feel. If you two are meant to be together, just trust that you will be. In the meantime, just take things one day at a time. Since he cheated on you (something I don't think I'd be able to forgive), use that as your motivation to get over him. If he really loved you as much as you loved him, he never would've cheated. That's the way I look at it, even though I realize that not all situations are so black and white. Trust me, I know your pain, and at times, it seems unbearable. But eventually, you will get through this. And you are not alone- we are in this pain together!
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A
female
reader, shannon07 +, writes (5 March 2010):
i've been in the same situation ur in now, but i had a child an we were together for 6years. he cheated on me an then left me for someone else. after 9 months i took him back and a year later he went again! now hes met someone else and after 7 months with her they are getting married an he tells me shes the one! after everything he has put me through i'm glad he is out of my life and you should be glad hes out of yours too. they will only do 2 us what we allow them to do! as soon as he knows you won't put up with it and moving on with your life he will want you back. just get out there with your friends and cry as much as u need to but dont ever let him see that you are hurt. eventually u will realise how much better you deserve. just keep in mind he lost some1 loyal that loved him. he'll b the sorry one
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (5 March 2010):
 Did you ever think that he dont deserve this precious brilliant diamond heart of YOURS? Simply forget him and move on. The reason he is not with you now is because YOU deserve a better one than he is. Its only our emotion makes us weak, think that our head is above of all our body. Think how to take care of this Crystal Diamond heart of yours. YOur heart and soul need that. Learn how to let go, and you will make it. I wish you goodluck
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