A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this guy for exactly 1 year and 6 months today. I'm crazy about him. But that’s the problem. I don’t want to love him any more and he doesn’t want to love me. We've got into random fights our entire relationship, and about a year ago we started getting physical with each other. I'm about to turn 22 and he is gonna turn 21, right now we are living with his family. My family is over 60 miles away. Sometimes we get in fights at the house and his parents can hear us. I've never said a word to his parents that he has hit me or has bashed my head into the wall or that he spits in my face. but there have been times when I've hit back and he announces it to the world. I’m starting to feel tension between his parents and I and it makes me uncomfortable but it may all be in my head because they have never said anything. He makes me feel worthless more then he makes me feel special. I’m freaking jealous of his dog because of the amount of attention and love he gives her! I know I don’t have very good self esteem, I would much rather share him then loose him. He has a load of girls that are have huge crushes on him, they have asked for a chance with him and he has told them he is with me and that’s how its gonna be unless things change. But at the same time I have hacked onto his computer and found dating website he joined after we started dating. On the contact list of his email he has 30+ email addresses from personal ads he has responded to on craigslist. Girls have sent him picture messages to his phone of them in lingerie and I let it go. I mean yeah there’s a lot of good times and we have a lot of fun together know he loves me, he does things for me like cooks for me or buys me flowers; treats me like his girlfriend and makes me feel special. He says I don’t see all he does for me, and maybe I don’t. He's told me I make him miserable, I send him on such an emotional roller coaster he cries almost every time we fight. I've asked him many times why he doesn’t break things off; he always answers "I don't know, I don't want to be with you any more". I guess I have a really good feeling as to why we are still together.;We are so much alike in our personalities. I’m with him because he looks like an angel sent down from heaven, I am in love with his boyish playful personality and his love for animals and nature. We don’t sleep well unless the other is right there, the electricity between our bodies touching as we sleep puts us at ease. I think part of why he is with me is because of what turns us both on, something very hard to find because many people would reject it; it’s something I know he is not proud of being turned on by, he doesn’t like talking about it till the moment comes. I also had a feeling a reason why he hasn't broke it off is that he thinks if he broke up with me I would shout to the world what gets him off. In one of our latest fights he confirmed exactly that. But also at the same time I know he keeps me around because I treat him like a king and do anything he asks of me. Maybe these are all things in my sick little head, but I've been right about everything I've had suspicions about.
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broke up, crush, flowers, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Someone who truly loves you will never hit you.
You need to get out of this relationship and into therapy to work on your self-esteem. Stay single until you've worked on it. Right now you have the welcome mat out for anyone who shows you affection, and that's the wrong way to live life.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Give your reason for staying in that relationship?
Is his positive points more than his negative one's?
Make a list of his good and bad points and focus on his good points if you intend to stay with him.
Nobody is perfect and he comes in a package and you cannot choose what you like or don't like about him.
You could polished him or stomped on him until he turns into a diamond or a fine wine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010): Shake hands, tell each other it was fun, and wave good bye. Why are you making this so hard?
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A
female
reader, brigid.imagine  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 You need to get out of this relationship.
You are being taken advantage of. Abusing you in anyway is wrong. He's habit to you, that's why it's hard to leave. But you need to go cold turkey, and yes it'll hurt, but if you don't you'll be stuck and it'll keep getting worse and worse. The love you have for him, even with all the good times, is unhealthy if you are being so degraded. The need you have for him isn't normal, that's why it creates such strong negative as well as positive feelings. Get out.Goodluck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 March 2010):
 Sounds like you are both addicted to the highs and lows, and the intense emotions in the relationship. This must be written in an emotional outburst and you contradicted yourself a few times. Your writing style probably describes your personality as well. I was shocked by what I read but I feel there is hope because you are beginning to feel tired of what you have been doing to each other. Extreme possessiveness, fighting, intense emotions are not love. Love is a series of actions, commitment for the better, to ensure the well being of each other, and to accept the other person as who they are. Stop sweating the small stuff.
You might be treating too well and not giving him enough incentives to earn your love. Men like challenge. If you treat him like a king no matter what, he's going to take you for granted. He wants you to love him for what he does for a woman. He doesn't want you to love him like a mother loves her son unconditionally. Because a boy ultimately has to leave his mom to become independent. Luckily the sex, the chemistry is good enough to keep you together. I think you need to take a break, start fresh, and relate to each other in a whole new way. See him for the first time again.
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