A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I can't get him out of my head. Any tips? I know he is not right for me, but I miss him tremendously. We were good friends who then had sex a few times -- I am married but that is complicated and he understood the situation - but now he won't contact me and only texts me if I text first. How does he just forget everything we shared? He knows how difficult it was for me to be with him -- I had never in the 14 years of my marriage done anything like that - he was an exception. Yet, after he cried about his feelings and told me how he was falling in love with me, he just walks away, no explanation. He went on a week trip with his brother and since then everything changed. He could be dating someone now, I don't know, but how does he just forget about me like that? It hurts and I need some advice on how to get over him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): "I am married " says it all, doesn't it???? instead of investing in this other man, instead of having sex with this other man, time to put your OWN marriage right. whoever told you marriage was easy lied. it requires hard work. constantly. if you cannot remain faithful then end your marriage. cut out the drama. remember you cheated, your hb didn't. you actually do not sound remorseful that you cheated, you are just concerned that your lover hasn't contacted you. so if you have nothing more to invest in your marriage call it quits. i am sure your kids will understand. before you lose more respect for yourself choose to do the right thing.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 He doesn't want to be hurt. I mean, are you going to leave your husband for him? And how do you really feel about your spouse and your marriage. Take an objective look at your life and if you are willing to cheat on your husband, there's a good possibility you don't love him anymore. Perhaps if you get divorced you'll have a chance with this guy because he won't have to worry about sharing you with another man, or having you run back home to your husband. But you have to be ready to be alone, in case he bailed for other reasons. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2010): So it is me-- and I thank you for your input. As for the story of my marriage-- alcohol, prescription drug addict, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, who is wonderful when sober but a monster when using. I have three young boys and financially strapped-- already working 3 jobs. I am miserable in my marriage and that is how this friendship turned into what it became-- I guess I really miss the attention and distraction it provided me-- and yes- the laughing--he made me laugh and smile for the first time in a longtime. I gave myself to him and it was not easy for me to do that--he knew that and I think that is why his walking away hurts so bad. I thought he had feelings for me-- he is not a jerk by nature but really kind and sensitive-- that is why I just don't get it.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Your married, he hit it, then it hit him, just what he was getting himself into! he got smart, and decided he didnt even want to touch it with a ten foot pole, and stopped contact! can you blame him?
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A
female
reader, ashaseth01  +, writes (7 January 2010):
hi
I am really sorry for the mess you are in. I hope I can help you. I would first like to know what kind of marriage you are in? Why did you find the need to cheat on your husband?
Anyways that apart..
There could be a few things that might be happening. I am going to list them in decreasing order of probability. So the reason at the top is more probable than the next.
1. He has met someone else and wants to see how it goes with this girl.
2.He may have found someone else whom he thinks is more worthwhile. Since you havent mentioned his marital status I am assuming he is single. Maybe he thinks its time to settle down. Get married. Maybe he has found the person he wants to spend his life with.
3. He might have given the whole situation a thought and is now thinking that sleeping with a married woman is twisted and he is better off without the added complication to his life.
4. he might have real concern for you and wants you to be happy. He might have now realised how much damage he was doing to you and your marriage and that his leaving would be the only solution for you to be happy.He may be thinking that you need to get back at working on your marriage which just might be the best thing for you.
Think of your husband dear. remember your wedding vows. What happened?? focus all your energies in recreating the magic in your marriage and you will gradually forget the past. What has happened has happened. Learn from it and move on.
14 years of marriage is not something you must throw away for a stupid fantasy. Sit back. relax.. give it a serious thought. You might just find that you want the husband you married 14 years ago back. dont lose him over some guy who doesnt care anymore. It is this man who promised to take care of you in sickness and in health who will be there with you when you are old and wrinkled and ugly. he will be the one to hold your hand and comfort you and give you company and love. find him. find the woman in you who is lost today, the woman who made those vows 14 years ago.
If being with your husband brings you no happiness at all and this other man is whom you love, then call him and find out whats going on. Asking him is the only thing that could get you real answers.
All the best
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 January 2010):
The explanation is this. He liked you, and saw that you were open to having an affair. But he then realized that you were married and that it was important for you to sort that out first. It's more than likely he told his brother what had happened and his brother advised him not to get involved. You also know he's not right for you, so maybe he saw that as well. I don't know what's happening in your marriage, but it's essential that you sort that out first. He walked away because ultimately it was the right thing to do.
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