A
female
age
30-35,
*rknHrted
writes:I went out with my ex for 1 year. We broke up 4 days after our anniversary. I am so heartbroken. He is so mean to me now. He says the most horrible things about me. I loved him so much and I don't understand why he is doing this to me. If he loved me as much as he told me he did, he wouldnt hurt me like this and he would have gotten over me so quick. I still love him, but I want to move on. I am only 16. I feel like I can never find someone I love as much as I loved him. He was my first love. I would be glad to hear any advice or kind words.
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anniversary, broke up, heartbroken, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, done it  +, writes (26 March 2009):
I was in your position at 16, almost exactly. I am 33 now, can I tell you something your feelings will wear off but it takes time. I was utterly destroyed at the time it consumed my thinking day in day out and when I heard him speaking about me to his friends and they were all laughing away, I was devastated and so humiliated. You are going to be upset for a while, you may make choices to avoid going where he will be, you may not date anyone else for a while, but in time you will start to find that it isn't as painful. Just be kind to yourself in the short term and try to get involved in other positive things don't prolong it by following him about or trying to get back be as mature as you can be, don't call him don't go where he is, spend your time doing other things and let your bruises heal, in a couple of months you will decide what you want to do it is all about leading toward coming to terms with it and moving on a little wiser than you were before.
A
female
reader, keda_8811 +, writes (16 February 2008):
actually im going through the same thing right now in my life and i am 19 years old..the best thing i can tell you is try 2 just hang out-with single friends and party party party even take yourself out 2 shopping get your nail done etc. but try not to think about him...hang with a guy if you even want...but im not going to say you won't have down time b/c u will have down time! trust me im going through it right now but you're going to always think about him b/c u want to be back with him but u know its not healthy but it will take time...just try to do it the best you can do....
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female
reader, KT1  +, writes (13 February 2008):
You're welcome BrknHrted. All the very best! I'm sure Mr. Right will come along one day.
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A
female
reader, BrknHrted +, writes (11 February 2008):
BrknHrted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKT1, thanks for all your wonderful advice. You are awesome!
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female
reader, KT1 +, writes (11 February 2008):
Thank you for the clarification. Plain and simple - sorry if this sounds blunt - but you've done what you've done and it's happened - you can't change it. To be honest, it doesn't sound like he's the kind of person worthy of you wasting your time on, trying to fix the situation with. No one is perfect and that is even more true in a relationship - no party is innocent, at one point or another, either one has done something that they shouldn't have, large or small, complex or simple. He maybe still coming back to annoy you, because deep down, he knows that he's made a mistake. My advice: tell him that unless he's going to change back to a decent person, and sincerely admit fault where things were honestly his fault (you have to equally admit fault where its true, but honestly evaluate this, don't just take all the blame, just to get him back) - ignore contact with him, calls, sms and the like as there is no point even discussing a reconciliation because you'll only cause yourself more heartache and he'll send you even more on a guilt trip. It sounds like you've reached a stage of regret and that is one of the hardest points - always a "I wish I had of done this", I'm sure you understand what I'm saying. Stick it out, once you can get past that, you will be come stronger and you will be able to look back at it more subjectively. From my experience, we had good times too, just make sure that what's happening now doesn't destroy those memories. I'm not saying turn a blind eye to the actions of the now, but view them almost as a separate person, a separate time in your life. He was your first love, treasure those memories, but don't forget to move on - don't let yourself be stuck with memories only and forget to live love, sometime in the future. All the best!
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female
reader, BrknHrted +, writes (10 February 2008):
BrknHrted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for all of your kind words and advice. Someone asked me how we broke up so I am going to tell you. He broke up with me. He said that I was jealous, manipulative, and I want everything my way. I know that the whole reason we broke up is not because of me, he did alot of wrong and messed up things too. But hearing it on a constant basis makes me feel like it is completely my fault. Sometimes I wish I could go back and change how I handled the situation. But then other times I feel as there is no point in going back. We had alot of good times together. He was a really sweet boy. But he started to change when he became friends with certain people, and things just went downhill from there. He told me I never admitted to my wrongs, but I know I did. He never ever admitted to his wrongs. I just dont understand how we could go from love to complete hatred. I dont understand why he is still bothering me when he told me he didnt want anything to do with me. I dont understand how someone can change so drastically.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): It sounds as though he is emotionally very immature and not very good at all at dealing with this sort of thing - also he sounds like he has the potential to become a not very nice adult - do you really want to share your life with such a person? it's always hard to know how to advise someone without knowing all the facts - what i will say is this: my partner of 6 yrs walked out on me recently after an argument and was extremely verbally abusive to me - he has been abusive before and there were many warning signs years ago but i ignored them - if i had not got back with him when he left me 5 yrs ago i could be well over him and not in this position now- what i'm trying to say is, this guy shows signs of being disrespectful towards women and very insecure in himself and whichever woman he is with, he will eventually likely take it out on her - all of my female friends have experienced this and i have heard so many women say 'how can someone who professes to love me so much, say such awful things to and about me' etc etc .. I hope you meet a wonderful guy who deserves you and treats you with respect. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. All the best.
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female
reader, KT1 +, writes (9 February 2008):
Dear BrknHrted,I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I went though an extremely similar situation about 12 months ago. At the time, it seemed like the hardest time of my life. It is very hard and unfortunately it may get worse before it gets better. My ex did exactly what your saying your ex is doing, and has gone on to do many worse things. My advice: cut ties with him, force yourself to do this - don’t let yourself talk to him regularly. You may feel the compulsion to call or message him, don’t. This may seem to you like the hardest thing in the world to do right now, but I wish I had done it sooner and I know I wouldn't have gone though the agony I did. The more you stay in contact etc with him the more emotionally he'll abuse you (for the lack of a better word). This will seem extremely hard at first and will take some work, but I assure you, if he's moved on, its unlikely he'll come back and what’s more, he doesn't deserve you wasting your time thinking about him if that’s the way he's going to treat you. As you don't mention a reason as to why you broke up and who ended it, I really can't offer you too much more advice, I'm sorry. But one thing I can say, do not under any circumstance, unless you definitely have no one else, go into detail about the break up (the good and the bad) or about how much you loved him or all his wonderful or bad points with your best or closest female friends. I got caught with this, and it has come back to bite me in a very big way. Just filter what you tell them, because it is a commonly known thing that this may cause your friend to develop an attraction for your ex because of all the things you tell them (even if you tell the all the bad also). I know it may not seem like it right now, but someone will come along one day in the future and you may not love them as much at first, but I'm sure you grow to love them just as much and hopefully they'll treat you so much better. All the very best!KT1
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 You are still young and the world is so big. I am sure you will one day find some one who will be better than him.
Everything happened because there is a purpose. Think positive. If he does not go , some one better may not fill his place. You will grow up and treat this like a growing up pain. It is not the end of the world yet. Cheer up! If you fall down , pick yourself up again and walk tall.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I understand the feeling of being treated badly by someone, and then later on down the road still loving them. It's weird. The person I loved made me feel really safe, and it was a feeling that I hadn't felt in a very long time. I know you are vulnerable emotionally at this time, but I would confront him about the things he is saying about you- and face to face, none of this text mess some teens do nowadays.....lol. If he can't give you a straight answer, well then just try to avoid him. I don't know your particular situation, if you pass by at school everyday, or what, but just avoid him. I'm not going to tell you "Oh im sure you'll find a man...yadda yadda yadda..."but I'm sure that you will be happy again in the future-single or not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This has happened to all of us... What you need to do is get over it. This probably sounds harsh, but its true. You don't want to look desperate and sit there moping and feeling sorry for yourself, while he has moved on. His heart's probably broken too, but he's putting back together. You need to convince yourself that there are better guys out there. It's time for you to find one.
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