A
female
age
36-40,
*usieque
writes:I dated someone for 8-9 months and it has been fully 5 months since the breakup and i'm still not over him. it was my first relationship. the break was really hard. I am worried that maybe he is the one, why else am i having such a hard time moving on? I just can't think of being with anyone else and i'm scared i'll never find love again. what should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (27 December 2010):
 you just described me to a tee lol i am going through the same thing the only thing we can do is pray i live in the country and my town is population 2.000 ugh but i know in the bible god has sent wives to the water trough for believers and will do the same for us as for the companionship i miss that too but it will return again i know it will and with gods help it will stay we've tried it our way now lets try it gods way
A
female
reader, susieque +, writes (17 December 2010):
susieque is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks a lot guys. comeonjesusthtm: i actually have been praying recently, i am still seeking but i think my faith is growing.
I'm having a tough time letting him go and i really miss the physical contact and support of being with someone. i agree with you guys i should meet other ppl but i'm not good at meeting guys. I'm not good at flirting, i'd rather stay in than go out. i get nervous around strangers. I'm as "good" a girl as you can get and i find it really hard to meet anyone who would like me.
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A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 You need to take it so that you can learn. You might have something to learn.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): ~NO PAIN, NO GAIN~
Sweetie, this is just part of your journey to your "one."
I know you will think, "Oh easier said than done" but I promise you...as I base this on first hand experience...with time and space this will pass.
The key to getting beyond this is...It has to be your decision and NOT your ex's decision to decide and commit to completely saying goodbye.
I'm certain your journey through this has been one hell of an emotional and physical roller coaster ride...the reality is however...that roller coaster rides inevitably have an end...and know that the more that you distance yourself from your ex...the slower your roller coaster will go inevitably coming to a complete stop.
It seems that your roller coaster has yet to cross over the apex...as if it had you would not be asking for advice on how to continue to self-destruct via "How can I keep my ex-toxin in my life such that he can continually injest his viral poison into my life which has proven only to multiply serving only to take away from my happiness.
Sweetie, I promise you...please believe in my words...there will come a point where you will feel refreshed...like a zillion tons of sewage has been lifted from your life...and you will smile as you look around your environment realizing how the peace, tranquility and happiness that was in your life prior to your ex's infestation, which stinched and infected it, is now back on track.
It is a high.
Now, you must immediately discontinue all contact with your ex. Write him an email and be direct with how you regard him. Don't sugar-coat it. Tell him the truth as it is...then...close the door to him and through away the key.
It is the most climatic and cocky feeling of self-control and self-respect you will ever feel as you will have finally taken back your control and permanently exterminated him with clear-sighted insecticide.
And with this experience, you will know first hand when another rat attempts to sneak through the crack of your kitchen door and all you'll have to do is reach for your broom and smack his disease infested slimy ass back out the door.
I closed the door and never will I turn back.
You can do it to.
God Bless.
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (17 December 2010):
i will agree that he isn't the one i can identify with you i am 28 years old and have thought four were the one but let me tell you sweetheart if they were they'd still be here so would yours when god sends him your way you'll never be able to get rid of him and he will put your life above his own i gotta keep telling myself this too because after a breakup self esteem is low do something i made the mistake of not doing first and pray about it ask god to send him your way hang in there sis if you have to listen to the survivor song over and over
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): He wasn't the 'one' he was the first 'one'. He was your first relationship, that's why you're having trouble moving on. You WILL meet someone else, don't worry.
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A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 The clues to your problem are in your question.....
This was your first relationship so you are bound to want to cling to it for as long as you can. If this guy really was the one you would be together right now.
Letting go is difficult each and every time but it does get easier each ti e too. Try to remind yourself of the reasons this one didn't work out for you and take that knowledge with you to your next relationship.
Everybody is different, so e of us move on in days whereas other take months or so eti es years to get over a nasty breakup.
Stop telling yourself this could have been the be all and end all of relationships for you and look to the future - all the time you spend mourning the loss of the ones that don't work, you are at risk of missing the one that will.
Like I said, it's never easy but once you start to let go, as each day passes, the pain will subside and the sense of loss will gradually change to acceptance and almost certainly relief.
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