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Heart says yes but my head says different...

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships, Long distance, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *oue writes:

My "ex" (not sure what to call him since we still talk) and I had a long distance relationship for a little over 8 months. I ended it because I felt that we weren't communicating enough, the one thing that I believe should be utmost importance for an LDR. We met on Twitter and that has often gotten between us.

I was once a heavy tweeter, but I diverted all my attention to him when we met, in pretty much all that I do. At first, he also did as well and that's what made me fall in love with him. However, as he became heavily involved, he began to get into heavy dicussions and also began telling his followers, or whom he chatted with, things that I myself would let him know of first, or be the only one.

I felt like I became second place, I was left out of the equation. I admit that I am somewhat the jealous type, but I think that could be averted if things were commonly shared, or just "let known of". I like having discussions/talking and it makes me feel like I'm connected to him, despite the distance. Language is one factor. Though not his primary language, he's quite proficient in Eng, and I have taken some effort in learning his to better understand. Despite that, I still felt off to the side.

I still love him, I really do, but I absolutely hate to feel in such a position again. I have let him know what I felt about all this, several times in fact, to a point where I felt useless and had had enough to end the relationship. Nothing was being done about it.

I'm just undecided whether I should totally move on or to retry the relationship again. Heart says 'yes, it's worth it' mind says 'no, absolutely not. You know it's going to happen again' - Kind of thing.

Thanks.

View related questions: jealous, long distance, move on

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A male reader, jp21 United States +, writes (10 September 2010):

jp21 agony aunt If you want to chase love, then go for it. Maybe he has a lot of things that he has to do and cant always give you that time.. I am also in a long distance relationship and have to understand that he has a busy schedule and we cant always talk and I am going to tell him the next time we talk that we should just be friends for now and maybe more later on. I am planning on moving over there either during winter break or spring and I want to go to college up by him. He only lives a few hour's away from me.

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A male reader, Bobito United Kingdom +, writes (10 September 2010):

Bobito agony auntHoney. If your heart says yes, then there's very little you can do. Just give it one more try. I think you should appreciate that different people (even within the same country) have different ways of expressing love. His behaviour really doesn't strike me as being unacceptable (but that's my own poit of view, of course, and I respect yours). It seems to me that you are (unconsciously) just waiting for him to adjust to your own ways of dealing with love, with arguments... and to your language. Why don't you try and find a compromise? Try and go embrace him halfway between your need to feel like you're the one and only and his tendency to communicate to other people as well. You could even try and learn his language and move a further step towards his world.

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