A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've tried eveything possible but i can't help it, i am totally head over heels in love with this guy that clearly doesn't love me back. He could make me the happiest girl in the world if only he loved me.I tried everything to forget about him. But it doesnt help that he tries to stay in contact. I know i can call him up whenever i want for sex or to go round and chill. But i don't want this, i want all of him.I went a month without any contact when he was seeing someone else but i was bored the other night and went round and we had a night of absolute passion. I don't know what to do i am going crazy. How do i get over the guy. He's not perfect, he lies and is a typical male, getting as much girls as he can and i wish i hadn't fallen for him, really i do! but the truth is, is that i have, i love him so much.He doesn't even make it easy for me, by telling me that all he wants from me is sex, because when i ask him he tells me he really does have feelngs for me and he lets off loads of signs that he really likes me, but he clearly is just using me. He makes me feel so many different emtions, happy after i've been with him, but hurt and lonely at other times.I don't even know why i'm pouring my heart out here because i sound so silly but this is just how i feel. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): I feel the same way about this guy! I am 12 and I can say I love him but not to his face. You need to watch P.S I love you! It is a really sad movie and all you need to do is CRY!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): I know how you feel.I'm actually married and had a affair and fell for this guy pretty hard.Let me say me and h are unhappily married and will proberly divorce.Anyway I guess I got my pay back.I was hurt over this guy and could not stop thinking about him for nothing.He stopped all contact which hurt but turned out to be the best for me.I keep telling myself that he is an asshole and that I don't need him to make me happy.If he lies now he'll lie then.Your hurt will go away in time.But you do need to stop all contact no matter how hard it maybe,if you don't the pain will never go away.Trust me you CANNNOT make a guy feel something he doesn't feel,and even if you could I don't think you would be happy in the long run.Everything happens for a reason wether good or bad.If it's meant to be it will happen if not then it won't so don't dwell on something that is causing you pain.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): oh honey! i'm in the exact same situation.except my guy is my best friend.he doesn't really know how i feel about him..but i dream about marrying him.i think the only solution is to wait.if you truely are in love with him; you can wait.i have for two years.and if it never happens; maybe then you'll decide you're ready to give up.(:i feel for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): wow...i am going through the same thing. problem is, i gave it up on our first date. so so so so stupid. and, really, i don't ever do that. really, i dont! it's just that we absolutely hit it off, things were going so well, it was a gorgeous, electric, thunder-stormy night, and i just couldnt keep my hands off of him (nor could he of me). since then, we've gotten together many many times (although it's dwindling these days), but always, we'd have sex. meanwhile, though, i've been falling in love with him. he even admitted to me once that he thought he was "falling for me." ugh. if only. meanwhile, he keeps drifting farther and farther away, i've been finding myself sending him more and more texts (at a desperate attempt to keep him around in SOME capacity), and i measure every single other man i meet against him. so pathetic, i know. feels good to vent a bit though...thanks to whomever is bored enough to read this. :-)
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 You write that if he loved you, then you would be the happiest girl in the world...sadly that is not true, the only person who can make you happy is YOU. Inner contentment is the first step to finding a lasting and loving relationship with someone else - years of dating Mr Oh Soooo Wrong types taught me that! It is easy to fall into bed with this guy hoping he will change and be everything you want. However, he is just enjoying a sexual fling and you seem to be the one doing the pursuing here. This guy will drive you crackers...you need to stop the sex and stop seeing him for a while - a bit like a detox diet for your heart strings. Once you are over him then perhaps you can be friends but as it stands you are heading for a broken heart. You are selling yourself short settling for occasional sex with this guy - you need to hold out for a man who gives you the whole package of sex, love and fidelity.
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male
reader, mytwocents  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 I was THAT GUY once and can give you the guy's perspective on this. Please don't interpret this as smug or bragging, it isn't my proudest moment. Sorry it's a little long.I once dated a girl that fell for me much like you describe you've fallen for your guy. I liked her from the beginning--she was funny, quirky, and attractive. We dated for a while, and I enjoyed hanging out with her semi-regularly. We had a good time and had incredible sex. In fact, I was the first guy to give her orgasms from intercourse, something that didn't help the situation. But something was always missing for me. I never could think of her as a girlfriend. I found something about her--that I couldn't quite put my finger on--very UNattractive. It kept me lukewarm about her the entire time. Meanwhile, she showed signs that she was becoming more and more interested in me. Even though I tried to keep it casual, she would call me at work or at late at night to come over and, as she put it, "service her engine." It was never just sex, we always had fun talking and hanging out.Eventually, she made her feelings known. And, when I didn't reciprocate, she ended it with me. But, within a few weeks she was calling me again. Because I enjoyed her company, I went along and started up again. I was dating other girls at the same time, a fact that I never hid from her. It drove her crazy, but I tried my best to be nice and honest with her at the same time. I thought I was doing the right thing. She tried her best to live her life, and just enjoy as much of me as she had. She tell me about her own dates, but always implied that what she wanted was me. One Valentine's Day, she called me with some other excuse to hint that she was going on a date that night. It was super-transparent like, "I’d love to keep talking to you, but I have to get ready for tonight." Later that same night, I got a phone call from her. I picked up, and all I heard was her sad voice saying, "can you come over?" I got in my car and she greeted me at the door in her pajamas. I saw an enormous bouquet of flowers (from the other guy) and some beers on the table. She stripped me down, and we had especially great sex. At a point, she was cursing like a sailor, and scratching her nails against the wood paneling on the wall. I was having a similar reaction.Afterward, she told me she was in love with me and that she felt bad for this other guy. He'd taken her out, spend a bunch of money on her, and shown her a good time. But all she could think about the entire time was me. And, as soon as he dropped her off--having not even kissed him--she called me.Things went on like this for a while. She left me and got back with me again, before breaking it off for good. It wasn't until I talked to her later, that I realized how heartbroken I'd left her and the damage I had actually done. I’d unwittingly strung this poor girl along for a year. In the end, she asked me (in a blood-curdling scream) not to call her or write her again. But more than a year after we stopped talking I got this message from her (I save all my messages):I am still madly in love with you and I am wondering...how longshould I wait? When should I give up: a week, a month, a year?I know I asked you not to respond, but I need a little assistance here.Shamefully yours,So, why do I tell you this long, sad story? To tell you to NOT be this girl. I never meant to do it, but I made things worse for this girl for not putting an end to it. I wasn't man enough. I feel terrible that I was this guy, but only in hindsight. I didn't mean to "use" her. At the time, I thought we were just two young people having a good time. But when there is a big gap between how two people feel, things are different. If he won't do it, YOU do it. End it and get on with your life. I'm sure you'll feel like this again about someone else. And, if not, at least you will have spared yourself some serious heartache.
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male
reader, Trias21  +, writes (7 May 2009):
Best solution is to find another guy that would take your attention back from this one.
This would work magic.
I know it worked for me when I was in school and had mad crush on the girl.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Wow, i've been in the exact same situation for years. i haven't seen the guy in over a year but he emailed me and we have plans this Saturday. It's a weakness I can relate to. I agonized over him for so long - even to this day...does he happen to be much older than you? Curious.
All I can say, after my heart-wrenching experience, is that you have to separate the fantasy of what you could have "if he loved you", from what the reality is: that he may love you, but is incapable of showing it or having a real relationship with you. I remember being so excited to take any little scrap of affection or approval, but the truth is, it undermines your self-respect when you're willing to take so much crap for so little reward.
My advice: Men don't change because you love them. Use my experience as a crystal ball. Don't waste time banging your head against a wall like I did.
It helps to stop saying/thinking that you love him - really what it is is infatuation. Does he represent qualities that you would like to develop in yourself? I have learned that these crazy feelings of intense love/infatuation arise when someone has the interests/virtues/abilities that you desire to have in yourself.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I know how it to love someone who doesn't love you back, it happens to the best of us and it is a painful experience. Not even God can mess with free will. It is something he has to feel and obviously he doesn't. Do not force the issue and just walk away. it will hurt a lot less if you do so now
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I don't know why your pouring your heart out on here too when you just answered your own question. Be careful your almost starting to sound like a weird stalker with a delusional problem.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I am in a sort of similar situation - in that I'm in love with a girl who isn't interested in me. So I can relate to your problem. This guy is using you and you know it. Every time you're with him, you're going to become more and more addicted to him. You MUST stop sleeping with him. Actually, you MUST stop seeing him altogether. After some time, the intensity of the feelings will fade. That truly is the only solution to your dilemma. Eventually, you may be capable of being more objective about the sort of guy he is. Right now, objectivity has been swept aside by your intense passion and you're not thinking straight.
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A
female
reader, Anonny +, writes (7 May 2009):
Like you - I am head over heels in love with a guy that I know is using me too - but more for money than sex!
- I don't know what it is with these men - but "treat em mean keep em keen" obviously seems to work!!
- One day we will get our sight back!
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