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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm really having a hard time getting over my ex. When we started dating he was living with someone he said he was divorcing. He said they slept in separate rooms and he was moving out soon. He said that she cheated on him a few times. This man said he loved me before he even met me. We had some nice times together and I decided to we should not see each other until things were complete with his divorce and living situation. He said he would always love and he was coming home. Well, I was faithful to this man for years and his situation never changed,so I met someone and dated for a few months. Things didn'nt work out between us. I still love the first guy but he will not give me a second thought. He said that I shared things with someone else that should have been shared with olny him. I apologized to him and told him we all make bad choices in our lives. Some people call them mistakes, but If you know what you're doing I call it a bad choice. Anyway,I told him why he said I shared what should have only been shared with him,He shared things that should only have been shared with me. He was the one who said in his heart he was married to me but all the years I waited on him, he shared his home, car, and money with someone else, but he can't see how his situation also hurted me. He spent some time with me in January one day and every other thing he has planned with me he has canceled it. He told me we could be friends and then a couple of days later he was calling my job like he wanted to be more. I talked to him sunday and he hung the phone up in my face. My heart hurts because I know when he does that he doesn't care how you feel. I feel so bad because I waited on him all those years and he won't even give me a second chance, but the way I see it he had many chances because he never moved , never got the divorce, and when he asked if i still wanted him he was still in that situation. How can I get over him when I love him so much and invested so many years in him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Saying that he and his wife slept in different rooms is one of the oldest lines in the book and unfortunately you seem to have fallen for it. He tried to wheedle his way into your bed and make you feel ok about sleeping with a married man by saying his wife cheated. That's another good line that you fell for.
So here we have a man who was having his cake and eating it too. He had his comfortable home life with his wife doing all those wifely things that keep a household ticking over and you were his spare when it came to sex.
Now comes the double standard. He's sleeping with his wife, I don't care that he said he wasn't - he was, and he expected you to be faithful to him. Christ, was he kidding? What a nerve the man has!
You may feel you invested a lot of time with him, but what was his investment? Not a lot, I feel. You really are better off without him. He used you and all you have to do is come to realise that. Once you do, I think you'll abruptly stop loving him, you'll get over him and move on with your life. Make sure the next man you get involved with is free to devote 100% to your relationship.
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