A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfreind and he gave up smoking for me when we started dating nearly 8 months ago.I found out on the weekend that he has been smoking behind my back and didnt tell me. I forgive him because he didnt want to tell me cause he knew i would get disapointed in him and upset but im wanting other peoples opnions on what they would do...Im hurt he wasnt up front with me and he lied........Should i frogive him because every one makes mistakes he loves me and i know he does....What should i do.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, molly4 +, writes (29 July 2008):
 help him quit by supporting him, but make sure he doesnt feel like you are controlling him. giving up smoking can be REALLY hard ane he needs ur support. :)
A
female
reader, BethyBoo +, writes (28 July 2008):
 forgive him. i think you did the right thing. giving up smoking can be hard. extremely hard. our family slept over a friendshouse one time and we had to move the beds so that our parents friend could get up in the night when she got a craving. it woke her up and she would rush outside to have a smoke. so give him time, giving up smoking would be a big thing for him to do and especiall for a girl and not for his own health. veerrrryyy flattering. :D
hope this helps
B -x-
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A
female
reader, AskSusie +, writes (28 July 2008):
Hello anonymous,
Firstly, get a hold of yourself! So long as he is not cheating, then big deal! He could be doing alot worse.
Secondly, you gave him the opportunity to do this behind your back by telling him what to do.
Your relationship will work a lot better if you just step back and focus on making yourself a better person - not the next person.
And lastly, why not turn around and say 'look honey, if you want to smoke go for it. So long as i'm not hurting my health than i'm not worried what you do'. You'll notice a little bit of a change in your boyfriend, guaranteed.
Goodluck
AskSusie
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): Don't be too dramatic: there are a LOT worse things that he could be doing behind your back than smoking a couple of cigarettes!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (28 July 2008):
Listen, he's still going to do it behind your back no matter what you say and no matter how many ultimatums you give him. I used to smoke when I was a teenager and had this boyfriend who, although when he first met me, he knew I smoked, but he wanted me to quit. He kept telling me and telling me that he wanted me to quit. When he found out I was still smoking he would blow up and tell me that if I don't stop he'll break up with me and blah blah. Well sorry, it was a really bad habit that I was not ready to give up. I liked doing it and I wasn't ready to quit. So I would lie to him and do it behind his back. Then he'd get more angry with me when he would find out. So really, every time he would get mad and break up with me (which I knew would just be for a short time), I would definitely go light up another just in spite...maybe smoke double than normal. So you have a few options: wait and hope that he decides to quit for HIMSELF (that's the only way one will quit), just decide that you'll deal with it, or dump him.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 well put it this way i was a smoker and my soon to be bf knew that i was all fine.. then four months in he tells me to stop its bad for my health blah blah blah so i did but i only did it on weekends when i was drinking but oh no that wasnt enough for him so i started to resent him because i gave it up for him and not me..its a horrible thing to make someone give up or you dont want to be with them you knew in the first place it was something he did you can request someone quits and if they do i say good on them but going off in a huff or breaking up with them for having a smoke in once in a while then go on split with them its emotional guilt that they have done something wrong when in the first place it was something they did!of course he lied because it would hurt your feelings that he had a smoke its his life, just because he loves and cares for you he was doing it for you not himself, so in other words you should feel guilty for trying to change him/ and the fact your using this as his mistake he tried for you emotional blackmail is coming to mind here/ if you dont like him smoking then break up with him.. this isnt about you oh poor you he smoked behind your back i say poor him you making him do something he prob didnt want to give up to be with you so be happy he isnt doing it full time and the fact he tried to give it up for you be happy with that and not jump his case aphex
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