A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 25-year-old woman, currently dating a boyfriend of 3 years. Our relationship has been good and mutally caring in most respects, but recently I noticed that I become sexually aroused by the bodies of other women. I don't know what's changed or why. My boyfriend hasn't noticed, but sex with him is becoming boring for me. I've always been perfectly straight until now, and I don't want to hurt my boyfriend by making any bad choices. Do you have any suggestions for how I should deal with this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): I know that you posted this three years ago, so who knows if you'll read this now. I have no advice, only an understanding. Because I feel very similar. Although I do notice women more, part of it is jealousy over thinking my boyfriend is more aroused by them then me, but at the same time I think that is because I find them attractive. He's not religious, but still he has this way of closing himself off to exploring our sexuality. I am just suddenly sick of men and their ways, and feel like things would be so different with a woman in a good way. Although I don't think I could ever pursue that. Anyways, I'd love to know what your status is now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): My suggestion is very simple, but it might be difficult for you to carry out: Whenever you start thinking of anything sexual relating to women, just stop thinking. Calm down, and divert your attention. Think about something completely unrelated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): More exercise leads to an increased sexual appetite, in my experience. Also, if your social map's changed to include more women, that might be influencing it as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for your responses. From all the questions, I'm getting that I should be a bit more specific about my situation.
My boyfriend is not sexually open -- he's very conservative in most of his views. I'm a bit more liberal with my beliefs, but I tend to keep it to myself because I don't want to have a conflict with him. Though I haven't attended church in ages, I was raised Catholic, so I understand where he's coming from. To give an example of what I mean, I don't watch pornography, even though I don't have anything against it. He on the other hand might freak out if he knew that I was watching something like that -- he thinks it's morally offensive, even though he's alright with sex before marriage.
Emotionally and otherwise, my relationship doesn't seem like it's going bad. My boyfriend's very caring, and supports me where I need him without being really controlling. Frankly, the only thing that's going wrong is how I've been reacting to him sexually, and I feel guilty about it. His sex drive seems to be normal, and hasn't changed one way or another in the past two years or so. We have intercourse about once or twice a week, and he's satisfied. I find myself faking it quite frequently.
If you're asking whether or not I can still look at a man and say that he's handsome, the answer is yes. On the other hand, when I say I don't "notice" men, I mean that if I walk down a city street and just let my eyes wander, I end up looking almost entirely at girls and women.
I'm pretty sure that the feeling I get isn't jealousy for how they look -- I'm fairly in shape, and the feeling is clearly sexual arousal. I've been masturbating with increasing frequency because of these urges, usually after undressing a woman in my mind and fantasizing about sexual acts. I've never gotten to the "ick" point yet, even though some of what I think about seems rather disgusting to me when I'm no longer sexually aroused.
I think this interest in women began at some point in the past year or so, but I can't remember specifically when. Can't think of any major changes to my routine besides my joining up with a womens' health club and spa about 7 months ago and working out there at least twice a week. It doesn't really seem like that has anything to do with this, though.
From what a lot of you are telling me, it seems like the best course of action is to wait it out a bit. I'm alright with that, but I wish I could understand my problem a bit better.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): It may help if you can identify exactly when the change began, or what happened to cause it. I'm guessing that most of your intercourse has been initiated by your boyfriend? If that's the case, the answer might be that the two of you simply aren't doing it enough to fulfill you, either because his sex drive is falling or your sex drive is increasing. Keep in mind, this is just one possibility.
A good place to begin looking for answers yourself is trying to remember if something changed in your private life before this interest in women started up. The actual cause could be something very minor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): HiI understand you. I am visually attracted to lesbian porn, sometimes, but I am not attracted to women persei. I don't consider myself gay, cause I am definietly attracted to men. Its just something about their senuality. They do things that I wish guys would do, they have bodies that I wish I had, etc. Perhaps you should explore this new part of your sexuality. Find out if you really are attracted to women or if you are just sexually curious. A lot of women have at one time or other in college done things with women but aren't gay.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Most of us don't go there because of the "ICK" factor. We get grossed out by it. When the thought of being with the same sex crosses our minds, we immediately dismiss it. Once you entertain the thought, you will get turned on by it. It is a human phenomenon. No one is born gay. They allow themselves to entertain these thoughts. If you don't want to turn gay, find that inner "ICK" factor. It's a psychological exercise. When those thoughts come up, let your skin crawl. Find that creepy feeling. You'll revert to dismissing those thoughts before you know it. People don't revert to heterosexual behavior when they get bored with homosexual sex. They try even grosser things, and find new depths of depravity. If heterosexual sex is getting boring, take a break from it. It won't be so boring after a while.Satan has pulled a bait and switch on us. First he enticed us with the "free love" movement of the 60s, and now that we are ensnared, he allows us to get in even deeper (homosexuality, incest, etc.). Before long, we deny that there is a God, or we make up a god that allows us to do whatever we want to do. God then gives you over to your desires (Romans 1). If you like where you are headed, whatever floats your boat, so be it. If you don't, follow God's plan, which (clears throat) requires you to wait for the marriage bed. Tough choice, huh.
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female
reader, CuTe WIFE  +, writes (29 July 2008):
Hi how are u ? Well i have the same problem as yours in a way... i love lesbian porn and im very attracted on it .. i just acted on it once ages ago but didnt continue just a kiss..i know its a sin to be gay .. i mean its not normal to me .. i know i will live in chaos my whole life and ill never feel stable...what about bringing kids? what about experiencing the diffrences between a man and a woman and overcoming them? what about looking normal in society? (Sorry its my oponion and im not trying to offend anyone) ..anyway my dear i know how u feel because yesterday i was watching lesbian porn and how attractive it is...bu we shouldnt act on these feelings i guess...lets talk more ..maybe i could send u a private message..and try to work things with ur bf.. hard to find a decent guy these days..
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Maybe Find out if your boyfriend is open sexually to bring another woman to bed for threesomes (you dont have to tell him just joke about it and see his response), if he is maybe you try to experiment with another woman or couple you are both attracted to but make sure its only casual and that any third party doesnt invade on your relationship with your boyfriend..IF you honestly Dont want to have Sex with another woman you need to find out why you are feeling this way..Do you still feel attraction to other males when you look?Is it the porn you watch?Is it because you want to look like them?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your suggestions. I'll try to sit it out and hope it goes away. In reply to the question about if I still find men attractive: I'm no longer really "noticing" men's bodies. A lot of times, I find myself staring at other womens' breasts and between their legs without really thinking about what I'm doing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): I am only guessing from my own experience that you may be simply developing a greater awareness of your own female sexuality by noticing it more in others and becoming 'bored' with your boyfriend or you may be bi-sexual. Are you still sexually attracted to other men (generally noticing them in that way) ? Several things may be going on. Things have got stale with your partner or the relationship has run its course. It might be worth working on it for a while to know either way. If in your heart you think its over with your boyfriend then perhaps take a relationship break and see how your feelings go. I would advise the former because I think its possibly the most logical thing to try first. It would be hard to do that successfully if you are indulging in the possibilities of other women. I think you will draw out your true feelings yourself and there is no rush anyway. If it doesn't work with your boyfriend you can make a clean break and take some time out to explore and this way things will be clearer.
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