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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Before I make a terrible mistake, I thought its best to ask for some advice. Please respond honestly and be blunt if need be. I just need an outsiders perspective.I was with my first love for almost two years. This time last year he broke my heart. We were on/off until the end of January when I finally cut all contact. He has tried to contact me once during this time, to which I found it too painful to respond.His best friend and I were very close when my ex and I were dating. It was always the three of us together. He was like a brother to me, was always there to tell my ex when he was wrong during a fight. Honestly, he is one of the greatest friends Ive ever had, the most humble and caring person Ive known.When my ex and I broke up, his best friend tried to get us back together because he believed (and still does) that my ex still loved me and made a mistake. I knew how much his friendship meant to my ex, and to avoid making problems between them I cut contact with both. Ive recently found out that his best friend's mother just passed away from breast cancer two weeks ago. I knew her very well, and spent alot of time at her house. Since I found out she passed away it has really torn me up. He is so young and without a father, currently living with his sister. Their lease is up in two months and after that they have no where to go and no money. Im really worried about him. I feel like after all the times he was there for me, I at least owe him a letter just explaining that I never forgot about him and i cut contact to save his friendship with my ex and that Im really sorry for his loss and Im here if he needs anything at all. Would it be a terrible idea to contact him now? I really am afraid to come between their friendship and I dont want to start any trouble since its the last thing he needs right now. What should I do? I feel I at least owe him my condolences.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the responses. I took all the advice into consideration. I bought him a sympathy card that says, "There are some things that never, ever leave us. Like a mother's love. She will be with you in spirit and in heart-forever. with sympathy."I wrote a short note on the side, "Dear N, Im so sorry to hear about your mom. Im here if you need a friend or anything at all. Please dont hesitate to call me. My number. love always S"I think you guys were right, less is good. I gave it to a mutual friend I trust to give to him. This way he knows I care and if he wants to get in touch he can. Thank you guys so much again for the great advice, I really appreciate it.
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female
reader, Claire73  +, writes (19 August 2009):
Send him a sympathy card, he knows why you cut contact. Get a card that is personal and just a nice polite note ie:
I am very sorry to hear about your mother, i am here if you need a friend.
This way he knows you are sincere and that you are his friend. Sometimes less is more. This is one of those times.
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male
reader, Perspicacious  +, writes (19 August 2009):
Send a card and note expressing your condolences - I am sure he will appreciate it at this difficult time for him.I don't think you need to go into any great explanations about what happened - perhaps just include your phone number and tell him to phone it if he needs to talk etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I personally think that since you cut contact so long ago to say all of that is a bit too much and mostly to make you feel better.
If I were in your shoes, I would send him a nice card with a handwritten note: "I am very sorry for your loss, you and your family are in my prayers." You could also stop by his sisters with a casserole, people grieving forget to eat or don't feel like cooking...that way if a conversation opens up then you could run with it, but I don't think this is required, that would be up to you.
He will see that you cared enough to think of him this way, and then I would leave it at that. It isn't your responsibility now to be there for him, he has family for that....
But that is just my opinion.
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