A
female
age
26-29,
*owsa
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months now and he asked me if I would have a kid with him. We are both 15 and I just laughed it off as if he was joking and when he didn't mention it for the rest of the night I thought it was a joke. The next morning he asked me again and I told him that we were both too young and only kids ourselves but he insisted that he really wants a kid with me. I told him I was definitely not ready and that my mum would kick me out the house if I got pregnant. After 15 minutes discussing this and trying to change his mind he started to get angry with me told me that if I was drunk like I was at the party last week then I wouldn't be aware whether he uses contraception or not. I really am indecisive of what I should do. I don't want to finish with him because of a threat that he might not of meant but I don't know if I should stay with him in case he decides to carry out that threat.
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male
reader, CaptainObvious  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Everyone is sugar coating their advice to you, and I have no idea why.
You realize that deliberately getting pregnant at 15 is stupid, yet you are undecided whether or not you should stay with someone who has stated he will use your habitual drunkeness to sabotage your birth control.
At this point, we know he's a worthless dick, so the question (is there even a question?) is entirely about you.
You aren't prepared to raise a child, and based on your indecisiveness in the face of this pantload of a "boyfriend" you have YEARS of maturing before you will be.
Having such abysmal decision making skills is NOT normal - even for a 15 year old.
It's not normal at any age.
You need serious help or a spontaneous change in direction or you'll be on the pole at 18, and in the gutter by 20.
This isn't a moral issue - it's a practical one.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 December 2010):
Tell him the cost of raising a child to 18 is about $225,000. The cost of a four year state college is about $32,000. Since these costs are bound to go up at least as fast as inflation, let him know that if he therefore has at least $257,000 currently in inflation indexed investments, you are willing to go along with the idea.....
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A
female
reader, yvonica +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You both are 15... a kid is a big responsibility also if you two don't work out what will happen with the kid... that baby will have two different homes and have split holidays.He's 15 and wants a baby. There's something wrong with the kid. I am 23 years old right now I have a daughter who is about to be 2. Her father is a sick person and I can't trust him with my daughter alone. By the way sex without consent is rape! If any guy touches you when you aren't cohearent meaning intoxicated then that is concidered rape. My advice to you is to leave. Because the kid will try to get you pregnant when he has the chance. There has to be another reason why he want a kid so bad. You are to young for sex your also way to young for a child. You have a future ahead of you. I'm sure when the time is right and your happily married with a career in action you won't second guess having a kid. Right now is not the time for a kid.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Don't stay with him. He should not make threats like that, and if he forces himself onto you you it is rape. In either case your boyfriend has THREATENED you! I think you should take that very seriously. He is not a good or smart boy when he not only wants kids right now, he also threatens to force a child on you.
If he does do anything, you must take the emergency contraception, it must be taken within 72 hours after sex. This boy is looking to please himself and clearly has no concern for you, your feelings, your life even. What are you even wondering about?
Dump him and get away fast. He could be sticking holes in the condoms as we speak. At least get yourself on the birth control and bring your own condoms if you want to have sex with him again... but after such a threat can you ever trust this boy? And when there is no trust there is no relationship or love.
I do not for a second believe this boy cares about you. So if he tells you he does do not fall for any lies. After two months only, and after saying what he said... he has shown what he truly thinks of you.
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A
male
reader, jrns96 +, writes (21 December 2010):
What she said.
Everything she said can be summed up very simply.
SCREW HIM. Who knows what his motives are? So tell him, no babies. You can find someone better than a guy who threatens you and says phony things to you for whatever reason.
And you are definitely not wrong in your decision. If he tries to make you believe so, ignore him.
As a guy your age, I can honestly say that I don't want kids. Not now. And even if the only chance I had to have sex before age 25 came with the price if pregnancy, I wouldn't take it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Four words - Split up with him. You obviously don't deserve to be treated this way. Just break up with him and if he doesn't get the hint tell your parents to keep him away from your house. What threat?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): First off, I wanted to say I am so glad you have common sense enough to not want a baby while you're still a kid. Common sense gets you far in life, don't lie a boy tell you otherwise and convince you of something that you're against. You're not ready physically or emotionally to raise a baby unless you have a plan, a home, a job, supplies... it takes a lot. Enjoy being a kid before planning for one.Secondly, the boy sounds like trouble. What are his motives for wanting a baby? He's the same age as you are. Have you asked him why he wants one so badly at this point in his life? The fact that he threatened to do something you're against doesn't promote a healthy relationship. It's almost as if he doesn't care how YOU feel, it's what he wants or nothing at all. To me, that's mind-rape. He flat out mentioned doing something that he knows you're against. Can you really trust him after that? My answer would be no. There's a huge barrier in the trust department because of his words.I know you love him, and young love is a very silly thing sometimes so it's in some ways harder to know what's best to do and then actually do it. My advice would be to sit him down and tell him how much his words hurt you and how you don't feel that you can trust him right now. Don't break up with him yet, give him a chance to explain why he said those things and if he's in any way serious about them. If he would do that to you, end it. End it immediately. If he said it out of anger... it's still a rocky relationship. It could take months of building that trust back up again, and if he's committed... he'll work on that and work on respecting your boundaries. Personally, I don't see that happening at the ripe age of 15 and I think it would be in your best interest to break it off. Either way, be careful. Don't get drunk around this boy. And do not let him pressure you into having unprotected sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): What a sensible girl you are - YES you are far too young, and your answer to this very 'emotionally immature boy' is absolutely right. How very irresponsible he is behaving, but you are not, and that is commendable.
You have a lot of living to do before you ever become a Mother, not only for yourself, but for a child too. Only I think you know that already. Don't be indecisive, he is NOT being responsible, nor is he acting in a very respectful way to your comments about this. The fact is, hardly any of us at your age ever end up with a boyfriend for the rest of their life, it is such a minute percentage, it wouldn't even be worth stating - So IF he can't 'Shape and Wise Up' you need to tell him straight in no uncertain terms that if he even considers doing anything against your wishes, if you were inebriated, then that could be deemed as rape. Make sure he knows you mean what you say, as you strike me the kind of girl who can take control of her life, and knows what is 'SENSIBLE' how refreshing, so ensure he knows that too.
I'm quite alarmed this 'BOY' would even suggest this to you, as he is 15, not 25, does not have the means to support being a Father, and certainly by the time you had a baby ( DON'T please) he would be off with another girl doing exactly the same, it happens all the time. Hopefully in a very short time, you will see just how he is NOT good enough or wise enough for you, and you will want to move on and find a boy who is more sensible and worthy of such a young and very forward thinking girl.
Make sure you complete your education, get the grades, and carve out a life for YOU first before you ever become a Mother. That way YOU will be in control of your own life at all times, and you wont be manipulated by boys who don't quite make the grade for you.
Jilly
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A
female
reader, Sweety Pie +, writes (20 December 2010):
 This guy sounds like a loser, wanting a kid at 15? Does he seriously have no better life ambitions that that?You sound sensible and mature, but this 'threat' about just getting you pregnant when your drunk, its an awful thing to say. Sure it's fine for him to want a kid, but he doesn't have to go through the morning sickness/cramps/backache/contractions/labour. And your both kids, I doubt you know the first thing about parenting (no offence, I don't either and i'm older than you :) )I'd like to say ditch this loser, you can do better, but I know how hard that can be, especially when your younger, what I will say is get on the pill asap! Just in case. You dont have to tell him. You can get it free from your doctor (if your embarresed just say its to regulate your periods) or from any sex clinics, just check where your one in your local town is.
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