A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this is long but I need some help.About 2 years ago I met a guy who I fell really hard for. He was so different to anyone I'd ever met before and he made me feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He's in the military and after our second date he left on a posting interstate. While he was away he called me almost every night and sent me photos of where he was. A month later he returned and things seemed different. We arranged to go out but he cancelled at the last minute and sent me a text saying he wasn't ready to be in a relationship as he had 'emotional baggage' to deal with. I was shocked!! Totally didn't see it coming. (We never slept together)I was hurt really bad but I let him go. Never contacted him or anything. Recently I found out that when he met me he was fresh out of a 6 year relationship where she left him for someone else. So basically I was a rebound and he used me to make himself feel better after his breakup.I tried hard to move on and a few months later met my current boyfriend. He was everything the other guy wasn't; quiet, never over the top, just a great guy. We took things really slowly and have a very strong relationship now.This past weekend my boyfriend and I went to a wedding. And who did I find sitting next to me??? The guy from two years ago!! All my memories and feelings came back and I felt horrible the whole day. I ignored him and tried to have fun with my boyfriend. I noticed him looking at me throughout the night but he never approached me or said anything.So now I'm back to thinking about him. I don't know if I'm actually not over him or if I'm still hurt at being the rebound and being treated like that. All I know is that I still think about him and it's driving me insane.I love my boyfriend very much and I don't want this other guy. It's just that he's now in my head and I can't get rid of him!!!What is wrong with me? How do I forget him once and for all????I don't know if this is important, but when I met the first guy I felt those 'butterflies' and excitement but didn't feel that with my boyfriend. I just slowly fell in love with him but I was never head over heels like I was with the first guy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): The only way you will overcome is to stand face to face with reality. HE USED YOU. Karma will take care of him. His next heart break will be worse than the 6 year one.
A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 This first guy may not have known he was using you. As you say, he'd been dumped on from a great height by his ex so he was desperate to find somebody he could give his love and affection to in place of his gf of 6 years. It's quite possible that she had been distancing herself for some time and not returning the love he had for her. All in all it's a classic rebound situation - he finds somebody who will love him (that was you) and in return he showers them with his affection thinking this is how it should be as opposed to the way it was with his ex. Complex huh? These quick relationships can and do produce intense feelings but those feelings, whilst meant are not necessarily real.I'd suggest that the relationship you are in now is built on far more solid foundations. Falling slowly rather than in a week or two, allowing the love to grow rather than having it spring up out of nowhere is a much better recipe for a long lasting relationship.As for forgetting this other guy? Try to look at the relationship for what it was - a rebound. I doubt he meant to use you or hurt you, he was just caught up in his own needs and emotions - it clicked between you and presto. Perhaps understanding that it's a natral occurrence rather than the actions of a player or somebody who is just using you will help you put this one to bed in your mind.It sounds like the relationship you're in now is what you want and need in your life - don't spoil it by revisiting or overanalysing what happened before.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): Hello, darling, I can understand how you feel, the passions that you once felt for 'soldier boy' have been awakened again. But neither of you did anything wrong, you say he didn't sleep with you, but had fun and enjoyed your company while he could. Perhaps he saw you were getting too close and maybe he got scared and then realised that he wasn't over his ex girlfriend. You see, 6 years is a long time to wash someone out of your system. And yes maybe you were the perfect distraction for him but you stated yourself he made you feel like he was the best thing that ever happened to HIM, not YOU!!. So without realising perhaps you allowed him to take from you. But it seems to me, you also had something back. Now as for today..lets reflect on this. You have found a decent loving man with whom you have formed a solid growth of love. Real love, not the souffle kind that falls flat once it meets the air, but the marinated full rich bodied cake kind. Mmmm, 'what if's ' will always be 'what if's' but that's normal. I don't doubt he's thinking the same thing. Please try to focus on the beauty that the universe has kindly given you and your partner. Do you really want to be the person in the restaurant who orders a meal and then looks over their shoulder to someone elses plate and thinks mmm maybe i should a would a could a ordered that instead? Have your daydream, but please leave it at that.....
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