A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for five long years. Of course we've had our ups and our downs, and iv caught him texting another girl a few times during our second year of being together. I love this boy to death there is no doubt in my mind about that, but now he thinks we should break up. His reasoning is that he wants to get married and start a family and i dont want to get married because i have seen relationships torn apart because of marriage and thats not what i want for us, but he doesnt see it that way. Were almost 20 years old we shouldnt be thinking of marriage just quite yet, im still in college. I told him may be one day ill change my mind and want to get married but i guess thats just not enough for him. I suppose my point is that i love him whole heartily, hes not only my boyfriend but my best friend and i dont want to lose him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice I appreciate it n i understand where everyone is comin from. He hasnt proposed to me or given me a promise ring its just been talking about the situation. If I have to let him go I will, it wont be without difficulty bt i will respect his wishes
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Just because other peoples marriages didnt work out that dont mean yours will fail,it will if you think negative like your currently doing
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I am afraid this is one of those cases where just love is not enough. It's more about having opposite life visions and wanting opposite things for your future.
I am totally with you, I think 19 is waaay too early for considering marriage and kids- particularly for a man.
I think you should first of all complete your education , and focus on getting a good fulfilling career , not just some "whatever" job . And I think it's smarter using the next 5-10 years to learn new skills,travel, find out who you really are, -simply MATURE before taking up the responsibilities of raising a family.
But , he is entitled to see it differently. Marriage and kids may be his priority in life,his fondest dream.
And you can't very well ask him to wait for you because you don't know IF and WHEN you'll change your mind, it may happen but it may not.
If you really feel strongly about finishing college ( good for you ! ) and not starting a family for a long while, -
you'll have to let him go, as painful as it is. If he convinces you to get married when you aren't ready you'll be unhappy- and if you convince him to wait for an undetermined length of time he'll be frustrated, and at some point the relationship will implode anyway.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Than why not accept the engagement? It's not like you have to get married tomorrow. Take it one step at a time. I can understand where he's coming from. If you're not moving forward, you're standing still. He's been standing still with you for the last 4 years. I say 4 because that first year has a lot of moving forward together in it.
Get a proper proposal out of him. Accept. Be happy as fiances for a while. I bet if you met him half way like this you can both be happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): You sound very sensible to me. You are in your very early 20s, still in college. There is absolutely no rush. If you are happy together, nothing need change until you feel you are ready for the total committment of marriage. You can also allow yourselves to develop as people, maybe travel a bit, experience life while you are young and without the responsibilities that will come later. If you both don't see eye to eye on this then maybe you are not right for each other, but don't feel pressured into marriage whatever you do.
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