A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello..I've been in a LDR with my boyfriend for 8 months now. When we first met, we talked all the time. He'd text me througout the day and would call me every night. He was always saying sweet things and telling me how he felt about me and such. Slowly, that all changed. Right now, we're at the point where he only texts me two or three times a day, and mostly just to tell me that he's going to work, going to hang out with friends, and that he's home. When he's at work, I totally understand and don't really expect to hear much even though it would still be nice. My biggest problem is when he's just hanging out at home, he still won't text me or call just to say hi. He's been stressed lately and I don't want to add to it by complaining too much like a nag, but I have mentioned it lightly and even made jokes about it to try and get him to realize that it's bothering me but it seems like nothing would work unless I snapped at him and turned it into an argument. The problem with that is that I know he would just get an attitude and ignore me instead of trying to figure it out. I know that it's hard for LDRs to survive, especially without any communication. Whenever we're together, of course, things are great but as soon as we separate, I feel like he couldn't care less. I'm supposed to be seeing him next week and plan to bring it up when we're together so that he can't ignore me. I really do love him, I just don't know what to do.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (8 December 2010):
LDRs do not work long term. I have been in two of them - both great for a short time - both mistakes.
This behavior will continue because you are not around. Just the way it is. Do yourself a favor and get out and do not get into another one with any emotional expectations whatsoever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): You should talk about it to him in person as if it's not sorted soon your relationship will turn into a mess.
Just say it straight to him, you miss his attention as anyone would.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
I would plan on bringing it up. Guys are almost 100% oblivious to the inner workings of the female mind, so don't expect that subtle hints of what your problems are will bring him around.
I know you said that you don't want to turn it into an argument and the answer simple; don't let it turn into an argument. When you talk about it to him, be sincere and honest. Express to him that you understand how much he's had going on and that it would just make you feel better to hear from him more like you used to. If you say it in a kind manner and show him you aren't about to blow up in anger about it, I'm sure he'll try and make more effort.
Remember, be open with him, but also be sincere. When guys feel girls are angry with them, they tend to go into "lockdown mode" and be completely silent. Avoid this by having the conversation in a caring manner and in a way that avoids putting all the blame on him. Good luck.
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