A
female
age
41-50,
*lue eyes 75
writes:I have a bit of a problem at the moment. Me and my partner have been together for thirteen years or so now and we have a really good relationship. I mean sex is not always regular due to having three children and both or us working, but he has a fantasy about me being with another woman and him catching us together. At first it was just a fantasy but i kind of get the feeling that he would actually like it to happen. I love him with all my heart and soul and would do anything to please him but i don't think i could go through with that. I'm frightened that if it doesn't become reality at some point he will go looking else where. Please help!!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntieSnap +, writes (24 October 2010):
Hi there,
This seems to be a general male fantasy and that's usually ALL it is for the majority of men. I had more or less the same thing with my husband about 10 years ago after 12 years together and it came to nothing. I think when you have been in a relationship for a good number of years, things do get a bit "samey". It has nothing to do with how much you love each other, but rather how much time you have and what your priorities are each day. When you have kids and hold down a full time job of course you are not going to have the same amount of time you once had for sex. You are probably both too knackered for one thing and it does take a back seat.
Maybe have a night together now and again away from home and the kids and rediscover each other in peace and quiet.
You have to tell him how much this is upsetting you though, he probably does'nt realise this.
I bet if you actually went ahead with his fantasy he would run a mile!!
Cheers Doll, hope this helps.
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (24 October 2010):
 I think you've probably been giving this way too much thought and worked yourself up into believhat if it doesn't happen your husband will lose interest, I doubt this is the case at all.
As you said, it's always been a fantasy and you're only assuming that he wants it to become reality, he hasn't actually said that himself has he?
Next time the subject comes up tell him firmly but gently that while you're happy to indulge him with talk of this fantasy, you will never do anything bout it.
Often the idea of something is better than if it actually happened and I'm sure he will appreciate that. Whatever you do just talk to him about this instead of stressing out and second guessing what he wants! good luck
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 October 2010):
 The whole point is, it is a fantasy, and that is how it should stay.
Essentially he is asking you to have sex with another woman, against your wishes and that is WRONG whatever way you look at it. The thought of another woman pawing me, makes me feel physically sick. If you are straight then the idea of lesbian sex probably turns you right off.
Dont let him bully you. If you do not want to do it, then dont - its his problem, not yours and if cant be mature enough to accept that, then he doesnt love you.
I doubt he would agree to have sex with another man for you to watch.
Do you really want to be with a man who would force you to do something against your wishes?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): If he can't accept that your not comforable with it...then why would you want to be with him? A relationship is about trying to fulfill the others needs but on the otherhand your partner should respect your morals and values as you should respect his.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): He can't force you too. He just has to deal with it; Accepting you for who you are, what you like and what you dislike. Well you did say 13 years so there you have it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): If he’s stated that it’s just a fantasy, then you have to believe that it’s just his fantasy. When he comes to you and mentions that he wants it to actually happen, then you have cause to worry and bring it up as a serious topic for consideration. I can’t think of a single person that doesn’t have some sort of fantasy in regard to something irregular or personal. It’s just one of those things. Something that you should do now to try and bring it out of him would be to playfully tell him “I hope you don’t really expect me to cheat on you with another woman” or “I’m not that type of person, I’m faithful to my man.” Etc. Something playful and cute to lightly bring the topic up so there’s no immediate pressure. If he says that yes, he expects it… THEN it’s time to lay down the groundrules and reasons for them. It's important that he knows your fears and concerns within the "us" part of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, RennieGeek  +, writes (24 October 2010):
If you don't want to do it. Don't. My sister brought in another woman for her husbands fantasy to please him and it ended up causing problems in their marriage which, research shows, is more often than not the case.
I can guarantee you that if he leaves you because his fantasy ends up being not getting into play then most likely he was going to leave sometime anyway.
Let him know that the fantasy makes you uncomfortable and where you stand with it. That while it's ok as a fantasy it makes you uncomfortable. Try watching some girl on girl porn together or something. That may help fill the fantasy void without having to make it happen.
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