A
female
age
30-35,
*aregiver149
writes:I have been this my guy on and off for over 6 years, and seeing as im only 20 we have grown up together.When we meet i was seeing his best friend in 10th grade, and his friend was my first real boyfriend... i didnt know what i was doing just having a boyfriend was the cool thing at the time. When i finally got to know his friend ( my present guy) i left the friend and went right into this relationship. At the beginning everything was like they say the " honeymoon stage" love butterfiles and everything seemed perfect. Until he started with stupid stuff like, why do you have 2 go to your friends can we just chill? i didnt think anything of it at the time because i was so lost in love i didnt go to the friends i spent every minute with him, and we both seemed so happy.It was until later the next year i openned my eyes in reality and seen that things were getting bad, i couldnt see any of my friends and i couldnt talk to people at school, he kept telling me those people are stupid and they arent a good influence.... and i listeneduntil finally my mom stepped in and really showed me what i had been going on. i didnt take her advice right away until it was my junior year, 2 years into the relationship and i couldnt talk to the guy sitting next to me in my computer class, because my guy didnt approve, which was the stupidest thing i could ever see in my eyes right now.Things got worse and i finally was dumped by him, when he told me i was the one doing everytihng wrong.He left me for about a month, and in that month i was depressed hated myself and couldnt figure out what I DID WRONG!, when all along it wasnt meHe seen other girls, had sex with 1 other girl then me..... then tried to come back.I was so depressed and alone it took time but i in the end went bk. And the honeymoon stage started again, love was in the air everything seened wonderful i was loving life again. i was sneaking behind my parents back because i was to afarid to face what they would say.I figured i was in love and they wouldnt understand that and i kept thinking to myself they are not going to tell me who im going to lovei forgave him for leaving me and for having sex with someone else. We went on felt like nothing had changed with our love we wanted each other and had a unique realtionship no one could compare to. Over those 6 years i have lent him tons of $ around $4,000. and i can say now what a stupid thing that was to do, but when he asked i said no every time and he just made me feel guilty and i caved, with him always promising that he would pay me back, well im still waiting.He has stolen money right outta my purse, right outta my bank account, and i looked pasted it all to see the good when idk anymore if that good is real.i made lists of the good vs. bad and bad list always out numbered the good by more then just a few.After 6 yeats together he had broken my heart more then once, we've both lied to each other and he still has yet to pay any money back.this past september it was my birthday and i finally wasnt standing for any more bull$hit and he didnt like that one bit, we would fight about everything because i would no longer stand to be treated like $hit and i told him over and over again why do u make me feel like crap and he never helped me feel better and things finally took a toll and i left him at a terrible time.I no longer felt like myself, i hated who i was, i hated life everything seemed like it was falling apart.I went to the extreme i blocked his # the following day and didnt have any connect with him for weeks until he facebook messaged me telling me how u realized what he had lost and more stuff that i have heard 10000000000000000 times, i wrote back telling him i needed time.I am now seeing a shrink and have recently met up with him, and it felt good to see him and even through all the bad thats happened i love him just the same, and i still believe he is the one i want to grow older then old with,i feel i will never feel this way about someone else, i think we have formed an unbreakable bond after these 6 years the help i need from everyone out there is what 2 do next. My parents hate him!i went behind there back to see him and been talking on the phone with him, i still know the bad things hes done to me but idk if going back to him is the best idea...i know they say get out when you are in a controlling realtionship, but when growing up into the lives of this guy idk what else to think what do i do now?plz help me
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Hi,
Seems like you are saying you are in a controlling relationship and are looking for someone to tell you thats not true, stick with this guy!?
People on the outside of an abusive relationship often look at the abused person and think to themselves 'why won't they just leave'. Being controlled, having money stolen from you, being isolated from your friends and family by another person is being in an abusive relationship.
You say you 'went overboard' and blocked his number. How could cutting someone out of your life who has been abusive be 'going overboard'. It seems in fact you did not do enough to get him out of your life, for example -facebook!?
Breaking up with someone is not easy. Its not easy when they break up with you and personally, I think, its even harder when you are the person who does the breaking up. You are full of guilt and 'what ifs' Sounds like that is what happens to you each time. You break up with him (half-heatedly), then start thinking about 'what have I done'.
Personally, I feel you should split completely and never see him again. It is possible to find someone else, I have seen people do it countless of times. You say you have an 'unbreakable bound' but lots of people have fantastic relationships that are not abusive and have strong bounds.
If you cannot split with him, then you at least need to regain your own life. Get some independence, make other friends, spend less time with him...may a couple of days a week only. That will give you both the space to mature and find out what you really want.
I hope this helps, take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): just ask yourself one question...Do you really want to go through life not being able to make your own decisions? best of luck...i hope you choose wisely
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