A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend from Germany just left me, actually because of my destructive behavior that he couldn't handle. Now he is moved out and staying who knows where, and plans on going back to Germany in less than a week. I changed so much at the end of the relationship and I still have been. I've now been trying some relationship help programs and it really makes me confident in my new perspective and attitude. I am a entirely new person. The problem is, he won't give me a chance to show it. If I text him, or send him anything online, even simple everyday things that need to be said, which have nothing to do with the "relationship," then he replies 3 hours later with a short, quick message. And I don't even contact him that often unless it's 100% necessary before he leaves. He made it quite clear that I bother him. He wants nothing to do with me now, or at least he acts like it. There is one more time I have to see him in about four or five days when he brings me some of my things and we go to the bank to close our shared account. What can I do to win him back in this one last chance I have? How do I prepare myself for this day? What do I do in the meantime? Even if I don't win him back, how can I change his last impression of me? Please help me. It's not something I will just let go. He is such a wonderful person and so worth it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): It's a long shot but if he really had love for you or even better if he still has love for you, you can win him all the way back but since you did so much damage the outcome will be dependent on whether or not you will commit to however long and whatever amount of energy it will take from you to prove to him that you changed. I walked your walk and it took me over 2 yrs and 9 mos just to get a half ass caring hi from him and I that was heavenly to me. I didn't give up on him because I knew he was my one and it was all my fault for making him pretty much hate my guts. I did him so bad it hurts like hell for me to hit any of those memory cells. It took a total of 7 yrs and 5 mos to get him all the way back and to trust me 101percent and I'd do it again if I had to because aint no man never love me like he does. I love my man to death. He's my husband now and HE PROPOSED! Fight for your ass off for him and don't let his anger or rejections discourage you because if he's your one he'll cave because you're love will weaken him and make him your marshmallow again. Love your man back to you woman! Right your wrong and suck up the blows that he might give in between.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 March 2011):
"It's not something I will just let go"
- Too late. He's made that decision for you, and your only option here is to let him go. If you don't, the last thing he will remember is you looking desperate, and still not understanding what you have done.
It takes a lot for someone to completely turn their back on a relationship, and once it has happened, that really is it. If you wish to understand what he has felt, and why you must now let him go, you need to look at the signs he has sent.
- He wants no contact.
- He is going back to Germany in less than a week.
- He will not give you any chance whatsoever
- He's even made it clear that you 'bother' him.
He might be worth it, but he's moved on and there is no going back. You seem to think that there's still a chance - but there really isn't, and you need to understand that. He's not acting at all - he really has ended it, and he really is going to leave and never come back.
You can handle this two ways:
1 - You accept this moment gracefully, and say goodbye gracefully. At least then his last memory of you is one where you can show you've changed.
2 - You act desperate, and he runs a mile knowing he was right to end it.
You've made some great changes in your life, but the final thing you need to accept from your old life is that this guy is gone. From a male point of view, there would be nothing worse than one final desperate act. You'd just make it worse.
Sorry, but you now need to move on. There are no more chances, and this final time should be one where you accept gracefully that he is leaving. Anything else, and he will know that ending it with you was the right thing to do.
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A
male
reader, uncle bob +, writes (11 March 2011):
 I'm sorry to tell you, but, too little, too late!He's been hurt, and nothing will ever change that.No matter what you do now, you've lost his trust.He may someday forgive you, but I feel he will never want to reestablish a relationship with you. It's left a bad taste in his mouth that he wants to be rid of.All you can do now is suck up the pain, and eventually take what you've learned and get on with a new life.As far as your destructive behavior goes, you need counselling. Otherwise you will never have a meaningful relationship with anyone.I'm truly sorry for your plight.I wish you luck and hopes for a happier life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): How have you changed? What's the difference between the way you are now and before? What were his complaints about you?
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