A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been dating the same guy for 3 years. Over all it's been fantastic and unlike many of girlfriends I feel sexually I have it made! He's a great lover in "size", caring and making sure that I stay sexually satisfied. I'm so into him on most every level. Everyone that sees us together says "Geez!" I wish I had the relationship you have! We are best friends. (both 43 and divorced)Over the past year he's had this obsession with watching me have sex with other people up close (guy or girl and I'm not bi!) or he wants me to talk about another man I've been with in the past and their "cocks" or just describe past sexual experiences while we are having sex...? I thought about it, looked at some "swinger" sites and said Okay, I love you, I don't think it's wrong when two people agree... I'll try it! Ugh! I didn't like having sex with anyone else, it felt to much like a job. So then I've tried talking his kind of "nasty" and I don't like that either! It feels gross! If I thought my ex's were so great, I'd still be with them! I've decided these activities are clearly not for me, but I'd like some answers. I've told him if this is what he needs he needs to find the door or find something that works for both of us. He's agreed to this, but in a pathetic way... "I take care of you sexually, why not take care of me?" I've been with many men but I've never met one like this. It's not even the girl on girl thing, he wants to see and hear about other cock's in a "braggadocios" way! He doesn't want me to compare his to theirs he wants to hear how "fabulous and big they were"!? I'd like some professional answer's. Is there a name for this type of behavior? What is this called? He calls it "voyeurisms" but when I look that up in the Winkipedia it doesn't fit. He's not "spying" anonymously , he's down there inspecting! Do you have an answer? Is this a fetish? Sincerely, "what the hell?!"
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best friend, divorce, I love you, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008):Thanks for the input thus far. New to this and not sure what wording is appropriate....The truth is I didn't try this once or just one way. In the last year we've hooked up with a third party at least 15 times. We've gone to swinger events, to Voyeur-booths.We watch porn together. We started making our own home porn two years ago and we have tons of fun adding to the collection. I know he shows our "home made porn" to his friends and that doesn't bother me. I even made him a slide show of my pussy f---- a dildo that looks totally real! That doesn't faze me.There is no question that I love sex, upside down, hanging from a rope, on a roof top, I've got more costumes and stilettos then a hooker! In three years I've said no to sex 4 times (and yes it was because I was pissed about something).The fact is being "open" or f--k--g someone else feels too much like job! If I were truly interested in having sex with someone else, I'd move on. I would totally be into a once a year/bi-annual trip to a swinger beach and finding a fantasy f--k while he watched. I just don't want to hear or talk about another man's cock, while the BEST cock hangs in my face every time we have sex! I've done the one night stands, F--- buddy thing. I'm over it, I like the safety and trust of being with one person. ...understand?
A
female
reader, belladonna123  +, writes (7 August 2008):
Hey. If you don't mind me asking, how far did you get with this issue? I feel for you. It was be terrible since you obviously love him but you don't agree on this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Thanks for the input thus far.
The truth is I did't try this once or just one way. In the last year we've hooked up with a third party at least 15 times. We've gone to swinger events, to V-booths.
We watch porn together. We started making our own home porn two years ago and we have tons of fun adding to the collection. I know he show's his friends and that doesn't bother me. I even made him a slide show of my pussy f---- a dildo that looks totally real. That doesn't bother me.
There is no question that I love sex, upside down, hanging from a rope, on a roof top, I've got more costumes and stillettos then a hooker! In three years I've said no to sex 4 times (and yes it was because I was pissed about something).
The fact is being "open" feels like job. If it were a once a year trip to a swinger beach, okay.. but not the main topic every other night! I'm with him because I don't want to be with anyone else. I've done the one night stands, F--- buddy thing. I'm over it, I like the saftey and trust of being with one person. If I were interested in having sex with someone else, I'd move on.
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A
female
reader, bagsy81  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I think that this is clearly making you uncomfortable and that is not going to create any sort of good feeling.
You have tried it his way (which let me tell you allot of women would not do in your situation) offered to find a middle ground, but if he is not going to accept that fully then you have a problem.
Alternatives to suggest could be filming whilst having sex and then letting him watch alone or together or Using a dildo during sex and describe how that feels instead of someone else.
Sorry these might not be up your street but it is all I have to mind as I have never been where your at XX Good Luck
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A
male
reader, pyan  +, writes (5 August 2008):
Hi
very interesting and again i am not a pro at this. however, i love my wife talking about other guys cock or what she would do with them and i love the thought of whatchng her have sex.
she will talk dirty and at this stage we have never had the other guy, but last year i got a guy give her a full body nude (her) massage. she loved that and i did get off on her being nude with another guy. so if you work it out let me know but i think lots of men like to think of ther wife like that. i have mate who likes to tell me about his wife fantisy, and show pics of her. so as you can see there are all kinds, do what you think is right and protect each other. lets us know how you go good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Hi. I am not a "professional" per say, but if I don't mind I would like to recommend something. My husband asked the same thing of me, and I was slightly turned on and put off at the same time. We started "doing" this and now I love it. It's so spicy and hasn't affected our relationship negatively at all. Why don't you try giving it another shot?
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