A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm falling for my mates ex-girlfriend, they aren't together as such anymore but they still hook up. Me and the girl have history that goes back before my mate came along yet nothing ever happened although we both wanted it. Three years down the track I find whenever I go out this girl flirts with me, holds my hand, kissing me on the cheek, constantly texting me. I spoke to my mate about this when I had had a few drinks, he said he was cool with it that he was over her. Yet just the other day he cut into his 'ex' about her flirting and hooking up with me. I don't know how to go about this, I really do care for this girl, but my mate's been there for me during rough times to. I know most mates ex's are off-limits but in the case with the history I have with this girl I can't get her out of my mind.Cheers-Anonymous
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male
reader, christian28  +, writes (21 September 2008):
NO im in the same situation do not get with his ex that is the last thing you want to do he may say hes ok with it but deep down inside hes hurting my friend wants my ex and i say the same thing that im "ok" with it but im really not. Theres plenty of other girls out there just not your friends ex just let her know your not interested if anything get them both together just dont do it
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): yeah well by 'hook-up' yeah they do still have sex. I think its way out of my league at least for now, its just hard for me to watch my mate come in and sweep her off her feet for the past 2-3 years, but then I spose he beat me to it. Thanks for the feedback, I guess I'll try having the conversation with him and over time things might sort themselves out.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 This one is tricky. You risk losing your mate if you go for the girl, and you'll never know if you and the girl work as a couple if you don't get the chance to try.
I think it's difficult to watch a mate date your ex; even though you're broken up, there's still a connection and a sense of jealousy there. When you say hook-up, does that mean have sex? Then this is really complicated.
I think you need to have a long conversation with your mate about this, tell him that you are indeed interested in her but that you don't want to mess up your friendship. He may admit that he doesn't want to see you with her, but maybe he'll come around to seeing that it would make you happy to have the chance to date her, and this will ease some of his jealousy. The fact that they are still hooking up means that they have feelings for each other still, and he may be feeling proprietary about her.
I can't see any better way of figuring out what you should do. I think going ahead and dating her without this discussion will definitely lead to conflict with him....
Good luck, keep us posted.
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