A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating for 5 years. I moved about a year ago to where he lives to be with him. We've been living together for a year now. However, we are fighting a lot. We seem to disagree on a lot of things. He gets mad at me for not cleaning; and I am mad at him because I am tired and exhausted from work and all he does is complain about me. He wants me to be a housewife without marrying me. I feel like I have given so much into our relationship and he has contribute zero. He has done nothing for the relationship. I moved in with him, I got a great job, and a career, I pay most of the bills of the house; still he wants more... but he doesn't propose... I am angry and frustrated to the fact that is he doesn't propose and that is a reason why we fight so much. He doesn't compromise, I compromised everything....How long should I wait for him to marry me!!!!
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?
You should have never moved in with this guy in the first place. You probably already had an inkling of the kind of guy he was before you moved in with him, you just hoped that he would change! People never change - the only person who you CAN change is yourself! Move Out and move up with your life, Hunnie!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): It sounds like you are already in a common law marriage and there are more issues here than a lack of a ceremony.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (30 August 2010):
He is doing you a favor! why would you want to marry him? if all you do is fight! he is not for you and you not for him. 2 people that love each other doesn't fight about discussing marriage. and if you pay all the bills i would be getting my own place don't let him hold you back from becoming what you can be. and if he loves you doesn't mean you have to live together anyway you can live apart and still have a relationship! tell him to hire a maid. if he is like this now why would you want to be crazy enough to marry him? get your own place and see what happens! you will really see the true him.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I agree with everything said here.
I'd like to add something - you've been wanting out of this relationship for some time, but for whatever reason, be it you're too comfortable, or you both have shared friends, or what have you, you haven't moved yet.
If you are 30-35, you don't have time to waste anymore with this loser. You need to allow your frustration to cause you to break out of this comfort zone and take the risk of leaving him, which isn't really a risk. The only real risk is giving the years of your precious life to someone unworthy.
No more excuses, no rationalization. Have the courage to walk away.
This man is killing you. Maybe not
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A
female
reader, Inallhonesty... +, writes (30 August 2010):
 Strontiumdog raised a great question: Why do you want to marry this guy again?
Your whole question listed a bunch of reasons why you shouldn't, especially the fact that he won't compromise or be willing to meet you half way on certain things. That's not going to stop once you walk down the aisle. He sounds very lazy and selfish and I'm sure you love him, but wouldn't you rather spend the rest of your life with someone who cares enought to help you out? A marriage is supposed to be 50/50. Maybe that's why he's not putting in the effort.
That raises another question. Has he all of sudden started to pick these arguments with you? Like maybe when you moved in, he found a reason to fuss over every little thing. That could be his way of saying he wants out of the relationship but he just can't say it (plus with you paying most of the bills, why say anything?).
Hun, I apologize if I seem so brash but situations like these also just burn me up. I'm sure you deserve so much better but the fact that you love him leaves you blind to all the other things that threaten your well-being. I've seen women get out of relationships like this scorned and broken from sticking around and wasting their time, thinking their partner will change. Do yourself the favor.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 August 2010):
 What are his views on marriage? I know a couple who have been together 10 years and are just now getting a house together..they're both in their 30s, and they are a little hesitant about marriage. Does he have a job as well? Because if he's sitting on his rear watching you come home from work cook, clean, basically being a maid then check out of that relationship. Marriage is about compromise, give and take. Given it does take time to get there and requires some work. However, if this guy is taking from you all the time and you're getting nothing in return then then you have your answer. He can't compromise, he just keeps on taking, this one my dear is not marriage material. Sorry, but if he wants the housewife then he had better drop on one knee..and he's not. So take it as a sign that you need to kick him to the curb.
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A
male
reader, steve jones  +, writes (30 August 2010):
This man likes the idea of a woman and his idea is tied to kitchen doing all the daily chores + bringing the bread home, do you honestly need this reply to know you should leave? You get one life and even tho being alone may seem scary its far better for your confidence then putting up with what you do. If you act with courage you get rewarded with confidence step up and do the thing you know in your heart you need to do.
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A
female
reader, teenz  +, writes (30 August 2010):
It sounds like he's using you to his advantage, have you disscused marrage to ensure it's what you both want, let him no how much it would mean to you if he were to contribute that little bit more. Unfortunately frustration in a relationship is bound to cause conflict, at the end of the if things arn't going smoothly in a relationship situation where you are both living together, would a marrage between you both last?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Him not proposing is actually a blessing in disguise. You deserve better. What happens when later you get divorced? You end up supporting him too. The longer you stay with him, you are saying to the outside world that other men don't exist.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Red flags all over the place.
Replace him with a marriageable guy.
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