A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid..I have been in love with a guy for over three years now (I'm 17, he's 18), I want to be in a relationship with him. Trouble is that he is ony physically attracted to me, and will only ask for sex.It seems to me like he regards me as just another slut who's got the hots for him. This is my own fault as I gave him the impression that this was all I wanted, I was very naive when I was younger and thought he would automatically fall in love with me if I gave it to him on a plate. (we always texted each other dirty messages and photos) But I want much more, I want him to love me and respect me and care about me. Basically, I don't just want sex. I really do love him and usually cry myself to sleep cause Im so heartbroken. How do I gain his respect? Is there any hope at all?Thanks. xx
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female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
Are you enjoying the sex? If so, keep enjoying. It is a time which fades as you get older and you may regret the lost opportunity. Why equate having sex with respect? If you want love, keep your options open. Use this guy for sexual release but find another more likely to give you the stability you crave. You could end up being the winner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Ask him if he's ever thought about hanging out more and doing . . . whatever it is you have in mind. Just spending time together? Going places together? Caring for each other? Not only are you young, HE IS YOUNG. So, he's probably not going to want a long term loving commitment right now. But you should put your cards on the table, let him know how you feel, and be prepared to move on. It will take some time to heal. That's okay. Just have fun being a teenager. Once you're older and tied down, you can NEVER EVER go back to those teenage years. Enjoy yourself!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 December 2005):
 No, I can't see anything changing. Sorry.
The reason is that - as far as your sex-partner has ever known it - you're both together for the sex, and ONLY the sex. There's nothing that's changed in your relationship that would strengthen his feelings, and if the sex dries up, he'll simply lose interest and wander off.
This isn't his fault; you more or less set things up this way, and now you probably have to accept your error. (For other teenaged readers: here's a great reason not to be a sexually-active 14-year-old! Poor judgement comes standard.)
As you've undoubtedly learned by now, men are very good at separating love and sex in their minds, and they can definitely have one without the other. Whereas, with women, the emotions of being intimate tend to make us fall for our sex partners. Which is where you are now, unfortunately.
The best thing for you to do is not to have sex with him any more, chalk it up to experience and date other guys. This is only tying your emotions up in knots. Please don't compound the mistake by falling into the trap of "blaming" him for not loving you like you wanted. Remember, that was never a condition of your arrangement in the first place.
Still, you're really *really* young. You'll get over him... especially because he doesn't seem to care about you, personally. Start seeing other guys, and pack this failure into your mental 'Cautionary Example' file for the future.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (20 December 2005):
 In most cases I say that there is hope to save a relationship, but in this one I really believe that there isnt. You didnt start off in a relationship. You didnt have sex because you were in love. I dont think that anything you do will change the way he feels about you now. A guy will either respect you or he wont. You deserve someone that will. Please stop torturing yourself and stay away from this guy. If you stop talking to him Im sure he will probably contact you because he will miss the sex. He might try to say that he misses your company, just to get you to sleep with him. See how long he can go without sleeping with you. If you hold back and he still wants to be around you then he might have realised that he does like you. But I think you may just find yourself to be heart broken again. Good luck and best wishes x
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