A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need some help to see sense about finding lots of old messages from my bf to ex-gfs/hook ups of his. Basically, he gave me his old mobile phone to use. I was loading up all my info, and loads of his old messages (from a few months before we met) appeared on my computer in the notepad thing....i opened them as I couldn't tell what they were and wasn't sure if i needed to delete them, and stupidly read them. What hurts me is that he uses the same pet names with them that he uses with me, talks to them in the same way, e.g., about getting into the shower and wishing they were with him. I don't know why this bothers me, but it kinda does :( We've been together 17 months, and I don't know, it just makes me feel a bit less special to him. I know I'm probably being stupid, and I've deleted them all now. How do I stop worrying about it? Thanks :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, landomando  +, writes (4 March 2012):
17 months is a long time dating! Honestly i can understand your frustration but his past shouldnt bother you. I know that is hard because i can relate. But it really doesnt matter. You cant change the past. The fact that he calls you the same names as girls in his past is just like his vocabulary. he doesnt know any thing else to say, he just keeps using the same words phrases vocabulary exc.. The only reason I am saying this and guessing that is why is because I think i do that too. its just I dont know really any thing else to say so i use the same thing..and it just sticks.. I think you just have to try to realise he is with you and cares about you and anything in his past doesnt matter. its his past
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 I can imagine how upsetting it must have been to find these texts, but sometimes there are reasons why things in the past stay in the past. Guys can sometimes act like comedians, if a line works then they'll continue to use it until it no longer has an effect. Although it would feel that he has treated you no different. You must remember that you are with him now and they're not. You've been together for over a year (and unless it's a similar time-frame to his ex's) that must make him think you are special to him otherwise he wouldn't be sticking around and wanting to be with you.This has probably made you feel like you're just another girl or are in competition. But I can promise you you're not. As I said, there's a reason why those girls are all ex's and why you're with him. He wants you and that's what you should be focusing on. I wish you a very successful and happy relationship. I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn  +, writes (3 March 2012):
I understand completely jealousy is a very tricky feeling my partner was married before and has other kids and does the same games with our son as he did with them... It hurts like hell so I dont know if it gets easier...
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