A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. About 8 months ago, he said we should get married. I met his family and his parents came to meet my parents. This is the way things are done in our culture. At this meeting, I realised that his father didn't like me (this was our first meeting). After this matters dragged on an on and we began to argue. Up until 3 weeks ago we still thought we were getting married but I realised the reason why he wanted to get married was so that I could be a stay at home wife, live with his parents and look after them. I didn't want this, I wanted to marry him, have a family with him and live our own life. I told him this. The marriage is now off. His family want him to have an arranged marriage in India so that his wife can come to this country and look after them. He has agreed to this.As hurtful as this all was, I told my ex-boyfriend, I didn't want to be in his life any more as the exact same thing happened to me with an ex 10 years ago. I finished with him on Thursday night and we agreed not to have contact. 20 minutes later he is calling me saying he regrets how things worked out between us, how he would never meet anyone like me etc. He wanted me to remain in his life through calls and texts as I was his "comfort". He then said he would text me later. I sent him a text straight after the call saying I couldn't be in his life to watch him marry someome else. I couldn't be his confort. I wished him love and happiness and asked him not to ring or text me again. Yesterday he didn't text all day which I found hard but told myself it was for the best and this was how it had to be. At midnight he text asking if I was okay. I don't understand why when he has decided to do what is best for his family, he won't leave me be? I do understand that by responding he won't get the message but why can't he move on?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): I have same opinion with you. I choose to live with my small family, me him and children rather than with his parents.Things are changed nowadays. Many wife to be woman don't like to in a roof with their in laws.But because of this, many in laws choosed to have separate house with their son too.I'm asian, and we have same traditional culture must do. My boyfriend of 2 years ever asked me about this issues, whether after married, I want to life together with his family or life on our own.I'm hardly answer him that's up to the condition, up to him. I just follow him. Hahaa..Ehmm.. I know that's not I really want, but deep down I understand how the feeling of an old parents being left by his children in loneliness.Old ones need to be caress,that's what they really need in their age. I think back if it happen to my parents. I wish my parents can life together with my brother after his marriage so that thaey wouldn't be lonely.Luckily, my bf has give me choice, I think his family also don't want to life in the same roof with us due to his sister's experience. She always quareeling with her in laws. Hahaa..Probably we could life in the house behind his current house. Its near, so we can keep contact and cares to his parents. My bf are so open minded guy, he said I also can go home sometimes if I miss my parents :)My mom used to like this too. My grandma is a very talkative and detail person. Although they don't live in a roof, everytime my grandma came, she complained about this and that. She even talk harshly to my mom. All my mom can do is keep quiet and stay calm.My mom was a very innocent woman 20 years ago. She's came from high class fam, never work, even don't know how to cook lol..My grandma keep complaining about that. After several years, my grandma changed. She was kind to my mom, probably its because she seen the qualities of my mom. She became a hardworker, help my dad business, learn how to cook and cook delicious and various food everyday. My grandma started to like her and brag about my mom in front of other cousins. Hahahaa..All I wanna say, if you really love your man, can't life withour each other, try to keep calm and go on with your wedding. All things how hard it takes, will pass someday. Don't just because of this issues, you cancel the wedding. Keep your communication and care to his parents.Try to show them your qualities, try to find what they like. Maybe his dad doesn't like you because of his problem, not your fault.I think your man loves you much that he can't let you go. He's still hoping you to accept his family.You know, its hard to find someone that really loves woman now. He's just trying to be wise as he doesn't want you to underestimate his parents if he agrees to hear what u said constantly.Hope my answer can help you. Sorry my english is not soo good. Still learing :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 This is hard for both of you but you have made your choices.
You should block his number so he can't contact you. It will be easier in the long run that way.
He can't move on any more than you can... look at what you wrote:
"Yesterday he didn't text all day which I found hard but told myself it was for the best and this was how it had to be."
you don't really WANT him to go but you know he has to... it's hard to deal with doing the right thing when you don't want to.
you must go NO CONTACT for both of your sakes.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 March 2012):
 He will slowly move on and you both will be okay. If he just went cold turkey with you you would have wondered how he could be so cold, that your love meant nothing, etc. Next time you date someone, you have to lay out your wishes, your plans on how you want to live before things get to the marriage level. Look for someone who loves you from the heart, not someone who marries to make peace with parents, follow traditions or for convenience.
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