A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hisorry this is going to be a long post but i will shorten it as much as i can.i have been with my partner 5 years - we no longer live together - i dont want to be with him anymore but am scared to leave him.He has been violent and aggressive - he doesnt live here anymore but stays round all the time - sayin he has no food, gas or electric so cant stay at his. He rings me 10+ times a day and it winds me up.We have a son together - his 2. He has tried taking him before and i had to call the police - he never used to be interested in his son but i think he does it coz its the only way i break (for him to hurt me) - im scared that if i leave him he will try something... everytime i have tried breaking up with him he has turned violent and said some awful things. In the past he has told me if i was to ever leave him he would hurt as both and i just dont know what to do... i have lost all my friends - he stopped me contacting them - my family try to be helpful but usual make things worse.Everytime i have managed to get him away and finish it he usually comes back with some excuse - even letting me think his going to commit suicide, however he has tried once and had to get a stomach pump.Please help me - just need advise as to what to do. Im desperate!!
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female
reader, LibertarianLou +, writes (27 January 2010):
How awful for you, I feel so, so much sympathy.
It's so appalling that you don't have the support of the police! I'm not surprised to hear how you've cut friends out of your life - I bet your partner has gradually made you shut people out more and more? Probably because he knew they would tell you what we're telling you right now - to leave this scumbag.
Try having a look at this link for tips on how to find a shelter where they will help you.
http://www.ehow.com/how_8640_find-battered-womens.html
I wish you all the luck in the world - this is a horrible thing to go through and it shouldn't be happening to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour right and my son is the main priority, he always has been and always will be. I just want to cover myself - as last time i was in the high street when he took him from me (christmas day)- i dont want this to happen again - have made an appointment with a solicitor to see what i can do to cover myself so he cant do this again - thinking maybe i should wait till i have spoken to a solicitor first?? These thoughts have crossed my mind - to contact a friend to stay here with me but i havent been in contact with them for over a year - 2 years. I dont sleep at night coz its always on my mind - trying to think whats the best way to do it... last time at least 2 of the police officers were on his side coz they knew his dad!!! Its just horrid - im 21 and no1 to turn to - his here all the time being as nice as pie but i know its all just an act.. arghh! Im so annoyed with myself that i didnt stay away from him last time!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Leave. All. The. More.
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A
female
reader, LibertarianLou +, writes (21 January 2010):
Just go. Don't look back.
At the very least, get your son out and find somewhere else for him to stay like with his grandparents or even a carer. This stuff screws kids up a lot more than you might realise (my boyfriend has a serious post-traumatic disorder as a result of witnessing severe domestic violence) and kids sense and know about a lot more than you might think.
If he kills himself, he kills himself. If he wants to he will do it anyway. And why should your life (and your sons!) come second to his?
Just walk. Now.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 January 2010):
Just take your son and go to your family or your friends' house. Then tell him it's over. Or tell your family or friends you need help, get them to come over and then tell him it's over. If he refuses to go or starts to get violent, call the police immediately and have him removed. If this man wants to kill himself, let him. Don't let him control you this way, His problems are his own, not yours. You now need to be brave for your sake and your sons, and just get him out. Police, friends, family, whatever it takes. And never fall for the sob stories, and if he harasses you, get a court order keeping him away. You deserve better than this. Sadly, the only way to get it is to be brave and go for it.
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