A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hiya :)Hope you can help me. I will try and keep things brief!I am 31 and have had 3 relationships, only to which they have used me and treated me badly. My parents however loved one as they thought he was financially stable for me and could give me everything. I couldn't stay with him as he was horrible to me. Since then, I have met a wonderful guy. He treats me so so well and when I am with him, I love it. However, he has 3 kids. They are lovely. I only speak to them on the phone and he is a brilliant dad. But my parents don't approve as they dont think he can financially keep me. And just recently his ex keeps on playing the baby mama card. I haven't met his kids yet, as I wanted us to get to know each other. I work with kids, so I know how to play this and I wanted his ex to know that I am no threat. His ex left after 12 years for another guy and there still together. But when I am away from him and on my own I start thinking deeply and get really scared as to what I am getting into. But when I am with him, I can't get enough. He has told me he would love kids with me one day. What should I do?? I really love him as he does me but just a bit scared but should I run or stay?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 January 2012):
 I think these are 2 seperate issues here.
1. Your parents and him not being able to 'keep' you.
Your parents sound incredibly old fashioned - men dont 'keep' women anymore, you are not his pet nor his responsiblity. You have your own job therefore you should be financially independent, hence him not having much money shouldnt matter at all. You can 'keep' yourself, so his money is not relevant. Try and communicate to your parents that his money is not important, you have your own money so you dont need to rely on a man for financial security. Hopefully they will try to understand or just accept you are happy with him and dont care about the money.
2. The children.
This is the main issue - there is inevitably going to be extra hassle and drama when dating a man with 3 children and an ex wife. The question is are your feelings for him strong enough to put up with the drama that will come with a man with this kind of baggage? Is it worth giving it a try? Or do you not want to go through that and would rather meet a man with less baggage?
That is totally up to you - we cant tell you to run or stay, it has to be your decision based on how strong your feelings are for him.
But keep this in mind - if you really do love him, and he treats you better than any other man then do you really want to let him go?
You are already approaching the situation with his kids in the right way - getting to know them slowly over the phone before meeting them in person, and you only meet them in person when you are certain your relationship will be a long term one. Hopefully the situation with his ex isnt too bad and there wont be too many problems with her as well.
I always think that if you have met someone you really connect with and you are happier than you have been in a long time, then it would be a shame to end it because you are afraid of the baggage. You dont get many chances to meet someone really special, so it should be a really strong reason for ending it if that is what you want.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Is he supposed to " keep " you, and why ?
I mean, keeping you as in being the sole provider for housing, food, bills,, vacations, clothing,, medical expenses , outings etc.etc. ?
I'd say that nowadays very few men could , or would , do that . Most couples are double income couples, also in middle or middle-upper classes. And most women would not be OK with being 100% economically dependent from their partner even if he's rich. . Do you have, or plan to have, a job- or a career actually ? Ah yes, I see you work with kids. So, why do you think money would be such a relevant issue ?... Well, of course with 3 kids to support, most of his money is already earmarked. But yours is not.
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 I understand your fear I have been through it myself. I understand your parents concern, but emotional support and love are more important than financial support. If you feel he is the man for you, then go for it, but make up your own mind.
I myself was in a similar situation and I let fear decide for me, and I lost the man I loved, and regreted it for the longest time. I was lucky enough to reconnect with him and we have now been happily together for over a year, but I know that I am extremely lucky to have him back in my life now, and that it doesn't always work out that way for everyone. My advice is really think about what is right for you and make your decision based on that. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Emotional support is much more important than financial support. If you really believe that this man will be there for you emotionally then go for it. Only you can be the judge of that.
Your parents reaction is understandable, but also narrow-minded. Which you know already. Understand their concerns, but make your own mind up.
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