A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 years old and told I look a lot older, last year my sister got married and I was a bridesmaid. I was standing at the bar getting a drink and my sisters friend (23) put his arm around my hip and said "your beautiful" and "I love your dress", so I kinda flirted back and was really friendly. I sat with him at his table and he asked me to dance with him so I said ya and did. It was a slow dance and we were in a hugging position on the dance floor so we just talked and joked about and stuff, eventually he wanted to go out for a smoke and asked did I want to go with him so I said "ya but just for company I don't smoke". That was fine so we went outside in our secret area by ourselves and we were talking and stuff and all of sudden we kissed it lasted for about 4 or 5 mins and it was amazing. So we went inside again and sat down and talked again and Fairytale Of New York came on (it was a Christmas wedding) so he grabbed my hand and we slow danced to that song while the song was playing he asked me did I want to go up to my room I said no because I wasn't ready and he was totally fine with it. The night eventually came to an end at around 5am and he had to go home, he asked me for my number and I said no but I took his. Anyway on New Years Eve I text him saying Happy New Year and he text back saying hi babe, great to hear from you, hope you still have that gorgeous dress on. So I text back saying no but wish I could live the night all over again and he said ya wish that kiss lasted longer. So the conversation went on for ages and he said he had to go because he was busy and that he would text me some other day. He did 2 days later he text me and was being all flirty and was being really nice so we were talking for ages. He said that maybe we shouldn't tell anyone about us texting because they would judge us and not to tell my sister about it. So I agreed because it was no one else's business. Anyway a month went by and we were texting and out of no where he stopped replying to my messages so I thought it might be that he had no credit but soon enough I was proven wrong. He told my sister to tell me to stop texting him because he got back with his ex girlfriend. I got really upset at this because we agreed not to tell anyone about us texting and he goes and tells my sister. So I haven't talked to him since, now 10 or 11 months later I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend 2 months after they got back together.. I really like him and don't now what to do can anyone help me with this problem? Any help would be highly appreciated.. and please don't judge me.... Thank You... xxx
View related questions:
broke up, christmas, ex girlfriend, flirt, got back together, his ex, text, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (15 December 2010):
From my understanding of the story, he doesn't seem like the most genuine of guys. I believe one of the hardest things for young women to do is to judge a man's character by his actions rather than his words. Words are nothing more than a contract of empty promises and can easily be manipulated to create whatever image of themselves they'd like you to see. Actions, however, speak much louder. They are much less subtle and are often so subconscious that its hard to make them up or hide their true meaning.
Regarding your experiences with him, it does seem like he'd been trying to play you and score. He danced with you for a bit and flirted, but the second you started kissing he got a signal that said, "I can get her in the bedroom," an idea that he jumped on. And you did the right thing refusing him; you proved that he needed to work much harder for that than he had been, especially on Day 1.
From what I can gather, he's using his age as an advantage to try and prey on you and when it comes down to it, he's quite a coward. He didn't want you to tell anyone of the flirting, nor was he able to face you when he got back together with his ex. If he genuinely cared, he might have at least put an effort into:
a. Getting to know you and taking you out before trying to get you in the bedroom
b. Not finding shame in telling people you were talking
c. Tell you in person he was back together with his ex
Now I'm sure you do really like him and that he's a smooth talker and probably good looking, but I feel I should warn you that is a dangerous combination. He seems to be a player and you'd be better off ignoring him and putting your interests else-where. That is my opinion on the matter. It really has little to do with age, but rather his overall scummy character.
I wish you the best of luck! I'm sure you can make the right decision :) Just think things through and stay strong. Don't let manipulative, smooth talkers crawl their way into your heart.
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (15 December 2010):
 Hi Hunny
First sorry to hear about all this you must be very confused and quite angry at this young mans behaviour towards you.
Respect is very important and I'll be honest with you he didnt show you respect from that very first night by asking you to go up to your room when you had only known him a few hours. From what you have said I feel he would have been quite happy to make out that night and of course he did not want your sister knowing as sweetheart I believe he is a player and the lack of respect would not do him any favours with your sister.
There was probably always that chance that he may get back with his ex in his mind so inbetween texting you he was obviously intouch with her as well, people have to talk to work things out..
He took the cowards way out by telling your sister to tell you not to text him anymore as that made it appear you were hiding this from your family and almost as if he had not wanted the texts so much in the first place as he was at that time happy and back with his g/f, He could have got intouch with you himself, But he did not and that in itself speaks volumes to me..
I understand the pain and hurt this has caused also how confused you must feel. I honestly feel that you have been lucky to have seen his selfish behavior, Had he not told your sister to let you know and he had finished with his g/f he may have started texting you again and you would not realise all that you have learnt from this...
Yes you had a wonderful night and it made you really happy, I feel you are in a better position now for knowing the way he works so you wont fall for this again.
Upsetting I no hunny but mark this one down as a learning experience and know this man was not good enough for you and you deserve alot better, Always have faith in you, You did nothing wrong.
I hope this helps a little, If you need to chat again feel free to message me PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks @dirtball,
everyone more advice is very welcome.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (9 December 2010):
 Forget him. Any boy that would lead you on only to ditch you for another girl looks at you as a space filler, not a real prospect. I'm very glad you didn't sleep with him. You should be glad of that too.
Honestly, he's in a good position to use you. Be careful of older guys. Many want the thrill of having a beautiful young girl sexually, but they don't feel that intellectual connection that defines a quality relationship. I'm not saying never, but this is often the case. I know that even mature 16 year olds pissed me off at 23, but I would have gladly had sex with one had it been legal and I wasn't attached to anyone. That's the nature of men.
He's not a good guy. Good luck finding a guy who actually wants to be with you.
...............................
|
