A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have been dating a 22yr old guy now for about 7-8months and I am 23. Our sex life had not been very exciting so I finally got the courage to bring it to his attention recently. He only ever is either on top of me or me on top of him, those seem to be the only positions he knows... It took him 5months to even touch me down there... he also only gets himself off never me... and he STILL has NEVER went down on me. Is the all completely selfish of him? When I asked him about his lack of effort that he puts forth he responded by saying "Why would i need to put in effort when I already have you, you do that if your single.. I just want to get laid i shouldn't have to work for it"... He seems to have this all completely backwards. I would think your quick effortless lay would be if your single having a one night stand with someone you probably wont see again, and the effort should be reserved for the person your in a relationship with. When I asked him why he has never went down on me he said that "its weird, and Ive never done it and I never will so don't even ask me again"... What the hell do I do with this guy?? I have suggested different positions, Ive asked him to take me in the shower, or kitchen or living room and he has never ONCE done it, nothing has ever changed and we haven't even been together that long. I never get off, I never get foreplay... and he frankly does not seem to care... should I leave him for this since were so young and haven't been together long im sure there's someone out there better suited for me.
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foreplay, one night stand, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): It sounds like you already know the answer yourself. Too many couples get together, are completely incompatible, but stay in bad relationships because the do not want to be single again. As a guy, I can tell you you sound perfect, and I am sure I am not the only one. You should have no problem finding someone more compatible. Unless you are willing to spend your life without oral sex and in 2 positions leave now while you are both young.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 It's the handcuff thing right kitycat... lol.. hope all goes well Original Poster, and if it doesn't, please update your post.. :)
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (18 February 2010):
 Sounds like he's being sincere to me; he did try things and say he enjoyed them. Just make sure to give him a slap on the back of the wrist if he starts slipping back into old habits (metaphorically of course) ;). Good luck and let us know if it goes wrong or something
xx
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 February 2010):
hahahaha.. yep, as sincere as it comes... if he's willing to learn and open up, then maybe you should keep him.... Don't forget to tell him you enjoyed yourself very much and you would be pleased to explore sex with him..
ps; Tell him to watch his language, you aint a man in a bar, your a woman and should be worshiped and treated with as much respect as his mother, sisters, aunts and cousins.
Give him a chance, your young and if he still acts like a pig, you can always leave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo last night he sat me down and told me that hes just very insecure and that he doesn't have a lot of experience and that I intimidate him. Then he actually handcuffed me and did things hes never done before... then mentioned later on that he actually enjoyed himself.. and didnt know it could be that exciting. Does that seem sincere?
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (17 February 2010):
He's saying it to try and win you back! He'll try and hook you in, and then say that now he has you again he doesn't need to try anymore. Its just a technique used by men to reel you back in.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
He's lying. He won't change, he's just saying that. If he was going to change, he would have done before. Leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with all of you, I recently told him im moving out.. and when i told him part of my reason was this.. he said "he didnt know"... I HAVE TOLD HIM 1000 times!! He knew before we started dating that i liked a man that could take control etc. as it came up in conversation. Now that im leaving hes saying "im sorry now that i know it will change, i havent been with girls like you".... girls like me? what girl doesnt want or expect the simple things i have requested in regards to sex. How dare he say he didnt know.. even my friends have said to him in confidence.. maybe if you just take control and take her in the shower tonight she will be happier? He never did a damn thing when me or anyone else suggested it. Why the sudden need to change now.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 February 2010):
Leave him, the guy is a jackass, he's selfish and he dosen't seem to respect women much.. you can do better even by yourself with a sex toy...
Give him a bottle before you leave, he just needs relief, so that's all that he needs. He dosen't realise humans have feelings. (sorry, I'm angry on your behalf... few men are as selfish as this)
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (17 February 2010):
Leave him! This guy is completely selfish and just because he's in a relationship with you does NOT mean that he should just give up trying. You need to try in a relationship to keep it working. He does not respect you or your wishes, feelings and enjoyment. Read through your question again, imagine someone else has asked the question and you are replying to it. I'm appalled and shocked that you have allowed him to do this to you, since you seem to be giving and truly upset by the lack of respect he is showing. Anybody who says this is okay is probably the same as your boyfriend and selfish themselves. Leave him and find someone who DOES put effort in.
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I agree with caring guy. He is not going to change his behaviour over night (or in months to come). If you find the right guy, you will want sex everyday, because you will be getting off every day. Its not as enjoyable for you if he climbs on does his business and just as you are getting started he is done. You need to find a guy that enjoys exploring the female body and gets pleasure in giving pleasure.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 February 2010):
You know where you stand with him. He doesn't care about anything but himself. Dump this man and find a better guy. There are guys out there who do put effort in.
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