A
female
age
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*akeAnna
writes:I had been buying second hand toys and saving them for a friend of my husbands who had asked for help with a co-worker with a 5 yr old who had no money for toys.I collected two shopping bags of quality toys (Dora the Explorer talking doll house, barbie and car, polly pocket dolls, Furby) which I cleaned and disinfected, then I found out my husbands friend no longer wanted the toys. I told my husband I would find someone else with a small child to give them to, and in the meantime I stored the two shopping bags in our two car garage, up on a shelf out of the way.My husband asked me a few times about the toys and each time I told him to leave them alone, I was finding another person in need.About two weeks later, I spoke to someone that had small children and could use the toys, so I went to get them from the garage and they were gone.My husband at first acted like he didn't know where they were, but later admitted he "must have thrown them away".I am hurt and confused at why these two shopping bags in the garage were bothering him so much he was compelled to throw them out. He gives me no explanation, just says he is sorry and he must have just thought they were "in the way".There have been problems in the past with trust and he is very good at apologizing and taking the blame for things, but not good at explaining why he does them. Is this passive aggressive behavior? Why would he have thrown these toys away when he has the rest of the garage and attic as his own personal storage area? It is neat and tidy and my shopping bags were not in his way at all and took up little space.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2018):
 Now, don't get me wrong. Those bags of toys belonged to you and your husband had no right to dispose of them, particularly because you had expressely told him , and more than once, to NOT touch them. So, yes, he screwed up, and no wonder that you are mad at him ; you tell him explicitely please do not do X thing- and what he does ? , he goes and does exactly X thing. Of course that makes you feel that your boundaries have been crossed , and most of all that what you say or want does not count , it's just wasted breath.
But… I don't think you need to look for more mysterious, undisclosed reasons for his behaviour; he told you why, and , at least from his point of view , it makes perfect sense.
Those bags were taking up space , and he thought you were not going to get rid of them any time soon. Maybe ever. From the purchase of goods and your going to retrieve them about 3 weeks or so must have passed. He had asked already a few times about those toys, and you always said
" I will ... I will.. I will ". Now, maybe you have a history of hoarding stuff, or a history of procrastination, and of letting a looong time pass between the moment you conceive some plan and the moment you carry it out. Or, maybe you are NOT a big procrastinator, and yet, to a practical, rationally minded individual- it sounds like you were straggling your feet. How hard can it be to find deserving takers for gently used toys ? Just bring them to the Salvation Army, or some other charity; or give them to your Church ( or any church ) for their yearly raffle. Bring them to a women's shelter, to a home for orphaned kids… I mean, you do not need to personally know or select the kids who will get the toys, right ? If all you want to do is to make an underprivileged child smile, - you can do it in hours , not weeks. So probably your husband thought ( and he said so ) that you were not going , after all, to give those toys away, and you were just letting them there sitting in your garage. It does not much matter if your garage is huge and those bags weren't really cluttering it. To an orderly, rational type of mind, and / or to a neat, tidy type of person , taking up storage space with things that you ( nor anybody else, as for that ) don't need and won't use is simply , well, totally foolish. Makes no sense.
That, of course , did not give him permission to take YOUR stuff and ditch it, without your knowledge , the operative word being YOUR , not his. In your shoes, I would request him to buy with his own money other toys to substitute the lost ones, same as he would surely do if inadvertently he should throw away a sweater or a belt or whatever belonging to a colleague of his. And, I would insist , kindly but firmly, that when you ask him to do , or not do something, he listens to you, and if he has objections , that he tells you straight away, rather than doing things behind your back.
But , other than that, I would not rack my brain looking for other explanations other the one he gave you : he thought that you were never going to get around disposing of stuff that was unnecessarily taking up space.
A
female
reader, LakeAnna +, writes (24 September 2018):
LakeAnna is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm the original poster. To answer some questions, my husband and I are both in our 60's with grown children (no grandchildren yet).
I have asked him repeatedly why he threw the toys away but he can't give me an answer other than he thought they were taking up space and that I would not be giving them away.
It seems like a minor thing to be so upset over, but it has taken me days to calm down. It just makes me wonder what else he will disregard my wishes about.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (23 September 2018):
This is unfeeling and uncalled for behaviour on your husbands side.....just threw out the toys and not a word to you.Would you consider having an indept chat on this matter and asking him....the reason why...he acted the way he did...knowing that you were saving them for some needy child/children.I notice you do not mention having children yourself....would there be some other reason he would do such a thing.?Kind regards NORA B.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 September 2018):
 You give no age for you or your husband, and you do not mention children, so is this possibly connected to this incident? Is there an issue about having children and your husband saw the toys as reminders of that?
Does he regard the garage as his territory and this was his was of "marking" his territory?
Or perhaps he assumed, as the toys had been there a while, you would forget about them so chose to dispose of them?
Or perhaps he felt hurt/annoyed that the friend didn't want the toys (lovingly bought and cleaned by you) and assumed nobody else would want them either?
I could probably come up with a whole list of other possibilities but it would all be wild guesses as I do not know you or your husband well enough to make even "educated" guesses.
This is obviously important to you but the only person who can give you proper answers is your husband.
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