A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy a year back and we have been dating...he is very different from the entire world and i can vouch for it...maybe he loves me but i don't really matter to him...he seems like the kind of person who just can't love anyone but himself and his parents....whenever i cry in front of him or talk to him about how less he cares...he proves me right again...tells me to stop doing all this ''drama'' and get real...also on numerous occasions he's told me that "if you have a problem with me, you will bring it up and ruin my day also?"....at times i feel he really loves me but there are times when i feel like i am a doormat in his life...doesnt matter if i exist or no..On the other hand, he is a very closed person...doesnt express himself at all...plus he has a big ego...and I'm the one apologizing for every problem in the relationship...my heart says that he will change one day and understand how much i love him and reciprocate in the same way...but my mind says that he will always be least bothered about my troubles..please help..its been weeks since I've had a proper meal or gone out of my bed roomThank you in advance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jilleke  +, writes (5 August 2014):
What about you? You are only responding to him, what do you want? What do you do for yourself. It sounds like you just respond to him without having any thing of your own. Your passivity and acceptance of the situation is the problem. He's never going to change or become accessible emotionally. Love is an action not a feeling. If you aren't good to yourself he certainly won't be.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 August 2014):
Your actions nor our advice will allow him to change. You are a young adult so perhaps you should seek a better lifestyle for yourself. I do not know why or how things have escalated in this manner but you are clearly not handling this well. Try to find strength in yourself perhaps through prayer and meditation for your current path of self harm will not help anyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): He is suggesting that you're a drama-queen. You cling to the guy like lint, and you don't eat and cry a lot. You display a lot of woe; but you don't leave.
Here's some reality. He isn't going to change. He can't be moved by your emotionalizing and dramatizing. This might be more of a problem in your mind. He just doesn't gloat over you.
You may want to see a doctor; you may be suffering from depression.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Though emotions are great to have yours steped ibto a danger zone. Not leaving your room and not eating is selfharm. You display too much attachement to the situstion and it is not a healthy attitude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Please stop Self harming yourself, we can self harm in different ways and you are not eating or living as you shoud be. He unfortunatey won't change into what you need or want, he is what he is NOW!
I remember something similar when I was very young a teenager in fact and I used to think one day you will love me and have compassion for me,then you'll realize and be sorry. I learnt that this is a form of emotional blackmail and hurts noone but yourself.
He is hurting you (probably not on purpose)and you must realize that it is best to end this relationship and get your self esteem right and build your confidence up as a single young woman...then you could look at having happy relationships.
Please find something else to fill your time, like study, or sport, dancing etc just do things that are different and exciting, something to look forward too like a date ( with you).
Please eat, I work in the nhs and see girls who get into a downward spiral of not wanting to eat and they are very poorly. You must eat and you must get out of your self made prison and look forward to building your life....if you are meant to be together you will be but for now just think of you and not him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Though emotions are great to have yours steped ibto a danger zone. Not leaving your room and not eating is selfharm. You display too much attachement to the situstion and it is not a healthy attitude.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (4 August 2014):
 If a relationship is causing you to hide away in your room and not eat, its un-healthy, also from everything you have said here it is obvious you aren't happy so why are you remaining with him?
He doesn't listen to you, he doesn't seem to care so why should you have to put up with so much disrespect from someone? You shouldn't. And if he doesn't take responsibility for what he has done and its always you saying sorry then its wrong, its manipulative and dysfunctional.
If you have known for a him year and he still hasn't change, he probably isn't going to now. And people don't change for people, the change for themselves, so if he won't even listen to you when you have a problem he isn't going to change for you.
I know this may be hard as you love him, but I feel you should maybe let this relationship go, because if it is causing you that much distress it could make you ill, both physically and mentally, you shouldn't have to go through that due to someone else. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 August 2014):
 I have to say, if he is causing you this much pain and you are this upset, it would probably be best for now to end the relationship and take a break. You can strengthen yourself by being with family and friends and let them know you need some extra support at this time.
And I can see why he says to you to stop the "drama," staying in your room for weeks and not eating properly is a decision you made, and it really does sound like a dramatic gesture. If you are so emotionally distraught that you can't help yourself then speak to your doctor as this is then a medical problem.
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