A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi frnds i have been with this girl 4 a year and half and i lv her soo much but i have this feeling that she is using me ,i meet her while she was pregnant but due to some things the child passed away after birth ,soo last year december her dad got ill and she had to go away to take care of him ,we have fights the whole month and when i tried to call her she would ignore my calls ,then she came bck in end of january and i noticed something was different as she was bigger but i didnt say anything ,come march month end we were talking about sleeping together then she dropped a bombshell that she got raped at a party in december where she was and she was pregnant ,i have this feeling that she hooked up with some1 and got pregnant and tell me about raped to let me feel sorry 4 her ,are my feelings quite right cause as we speak now we havent slept together Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 South Africa is not a supportive place for women
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_violence_in_South_Africa
The Wikipedia report ays that 50% of women in South Africa will be raped in their lifetime. This is horrific but sadly it is a norm in South Africa
According to that Wikipedia report there are good reasons why a woman does not report the rape:
"The South African report to CEDAW partly attributes the low report and conviction rate to the post-apartheid public perception of the police force. Moreover, the report states that the attitudes and prejudices of law enforcement agencies and other government personnel and the inaccessibility of services, particularly in rural areas, are also part of the problem.[14] Much of the South African public regard the police as symbols of the oppressors during the apartheid; thus, poor faith in the police is still instituted in the post-apartheid country.[15]"
Perhaps extend some more empathy towards her. she probably did not "hook up" with a guy but was, instead, actually forcibly overpowered and raped.
That is a terrifying tragedy.
She may blame herself, But YOU can remind her that the rape was NOT her fault.
You could suggest that she get some counselling from the South African Rape Crisi Centre - http://rapecrisis.org.za/
they may be able to advise the nearest facility.
In the mean time if you still love her then do consider giving her better support than you are offering her right now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Follow your gut on this one. If she got raped, why doesn't she file charges? She went to a party? Even while her dad was so ill, that she had to return home to care for him? She ignored your calls the whole time she was gone?
Well it's your call. Do you want to her to stay? She's possibly pregnant with some other guy's child, and you didn't seem to matter while she was away. My guess is that you care so much for her, you'd forgive anything she does. You are being used, but you really don't seem to mind. She could probably use a friend right now. She is untrue to you, and she will eventually use you up. The lady is bad news.
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