A
female
age
36-40,
*elplessly-hopelessly
writes:I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months now. He is married and i knew that the day i met him. Ive known him longer than ive been seeing him. I am in love with him and i know for sure he is my future. He was the one to say I love you first and he wants to be with me.he tells me that hes not happy with his wife and the marriage is only on paper to him and she is just a roommate. he told her about me and now we sneak to see eachother so he doesnt get in trouble. he is still living with her but wants me to be his gf. hes not divorced yet and im not sure what to think.
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divorce, I love you, roommate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): He married this woman. Pity he never let her know his feelings on marriage on the day. You think your going to ride off into the sunset. You ain't going nowhere he's a man of straw.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Regina Souza  +, writes (14 August 2008):
I just don't understand WHY woman can be so DAMN NAIVE!!!! He's USING YOU!!!He loves HIMSELF and HE'S.... GET OUT before things get worst. He caught you by the heart and UNFORTUNATELY, we cannot help you because you are the ONLY PERSON that knows what is BEST for you. He KNOWS exactly what to tell you, what will make you feel good as long as you allowing him to do so. You deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be happy but, this is the WRONG WAY to achieve your goals.I have to tell you something: I have been married for many years and my husband had an affair to this single woman that lasted for over a year.. Needless to say, i found out about the affair and my husband STILL WITH ME!! It HURST as a HELL when i found out but, HE'S WITH ME and he's even changed job not to see her. He said that, she was there just for the SEX and the EXCITEMENT! If you stay with him, he will do to you what he's doing to his wife. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND, don't you forget that.DON'T BE STUPID!!MY BEST WISHES TO YOUREGINA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): You have received lots of good advice from the "uncles and aunts"; I confirm what was said; stop seeing him untill he gives you proof that he has filed for divorce;
I don't know the legal system in your Country but in some countries a spouse can institute legal proceedings and claim financially against a third party for breaking up of marriage; be carefull that this does not happen with you.
If you have to "sneak around for him not to get into trouble" ;I suggest you be very carefull not getting into some legal battle.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 The other aunts have given you very good words of advice; they may not be what you want to hear, but do pay attention to the collective wisdom of people with years of life experience.
I'd tell him that you can't be with him until he is no longer living with his wife and the divorce proceedings are underway. You'll need a bit of proof of his filing for divorce of course. Asking him for that will let you know whether he's serious about you or if you are just the bit on the side. If you get excuses and a lot of cajoling, you're the bit on the side.
I would also be very worried personally about his propensity for pursuing extramarital relationships. You might find yourself in the same position as his wife someday if you stick with him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Oh he's your future alright, your future loneliness on Christmas and every other special day, your future heartbreak, your future loss of self-esteem, your future constant guilt, your future desperation. Get ready for your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): "He told her about me and now we sneak to see eachother so he doesnt get in trouble"..... You don't make sense, if they are room mates, and their marriage is over, how come you got to sneak and hide?
Your crazy to get involved with a married man, he is lying to you, he is lying to her and he is sleeping with you both. Get ready for some tears, because everything will get worse and you will be the one who gets hurt really bad. This will all end in tears.....
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi
What fun, a wife and a girlfriend, what a charmer!
He told you he loved you first... oh wait..slaps palm on forehead.
Im willing to bet a huuuuuuuge sum of money on him never actually telling his wife about you at all. Otherwise there would be no sneaking about. And i would bet even mooooore money on the fact he's done this before and used the 'i will tell her when the times right' but that one didn't work last time, so he's upped it to actually saying she knows.
Live by the sword die by the sword as they say.
If there was a remote chance he ever got bored of having his cake and eating it, and left the misses, you might well find yourself in the same shoes in the future.
But i know thats not what you want to hear, and this is different with you 2, so i may as well delete it all really.
But i wont.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Hi there,
well there may be a chance he is genuinely interested in you.
But I think the reality of the situation is apparent even from the few sentences you have written.
You are young and and to him easily manipulated. He said he told his wife about you? I very much doubt it, besides how do you really know aside from taking his word, it just sounds like he's leading you on .
I'm sure he has a bagful of ready made excuses why he cant leave his wife.
I'm sorry to say but you are most likely a bit on the side to him, he will continue to feed you little drips and drabs so he can keep you at his beck and call.
You are a young girl with your life ahead of you, dump this one and find a single bloke, life's too short to get mixed up in players like this .
As was said your "confusion" is there because you feel something is not right. Go with your gut feeling on this one
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (14 August 2008):
 Sweetie, you have fallen for the oldest sob story in the book... "hes not happy with his wife and the marriage is only on paper to him and she is just a roommate". Has he filed for divorce - No, and thats because he is a cheating husband! The sneaking around is a perfect give-away, rather call his bluff and tell him once he is legally divorced you will be his girlfriend. I cannot imagine why you would want to spend your future with a man who cheats on his wife... how long before he would get bored with you and move along to the next woman???
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (14 August 2008):
 well tell him a divorce is only paper, too, and he needs to end that relationship before he can properly start one with you!
because as of right now, he is cheating on his wife with you. i am sure if he cares about you, and you care about yourself, you both will do what needs to be done in order to keep you from becoming "that girl".
also, think: if he is doing this to a woman he once loved, what does that tell you about the way he treats women? what would you do if you were in his wife's shoes? be nice to her!! you need to put your foot down.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (14 August 2008):
 I think that you, just like many girls your age, have become a plaything for a man who is bored in his marriage and looking for some excitement. If I were you, I would take everything he says with a huge grain of salt, including the stuff about wanting to be with you, or leave his wife. Usually, guys like this don't follow through. He will play with your emotions and lie to you, just like he is doing with his wife.
So tread carefully and don't get too emotionally involved... if he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you.
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