A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:My best male friend and i have abit of a past, on and off throughout our entire 'friendship' we've battled back and forth between friends and more. Multiple times we have expressed we have feelings for one another, but in the almost 3 years we've been friends, we have never quite made it to a relationship.Recently, in the past month or so we've become closer than ever, practically spending everyday together, we tell eachother everything and all our friends and our families assume we're together as they think we act like a couple.My 'friend' claims he has major feelings which have progressed even more over the years and that he really wants to be with me, but feels hes scared to be in a relationship with me, incase he hurts me and if thinks dont work out, we wont remain at least friends.So he likes me, i like him, but he doesnt want a relationship. Yet continues to act as if we're pretty much in one but without the commitment - which would be nice!?!And to add to the situation, since spending more time with him, i have now spent more time with his best friend who i get on with really well (just friends! nothing more, i dont find him attractive) - but my 'friend' is paranoid that something is going on between us, and has become extremely jealous? - but nothing is going on, i have always been good friends with his best friend, and i have not been flirting with him to make him jealous or anything like that. - In my opinion; if he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me, and i remain single.. then what gives him the right to get jealous of me with other guys.Im unsure of what to do, i enjoy spending time with him obviously, but spending time with him results in my feelings for him remaining strong; which makes me worry that this situation will not be resolved, and this pattern will only continue.Twice now he has randomly come out with how he is sorry for messing me about in the past, and is overly apologetic. The first serious conversation we had involving the 'friends or more' topic he said that i deserve better and he feels he is scared he would only hurt me, and that i should just move on and we remain friends. - So i kept this in mind starting the next day and treated him as strictly friend. no flirting, hugging, kissing etc. And suddenly he started acting different around me, he tried harder for my attention when out in a group, he randomly hugged me and wanted to cuddle me if we were sat together, hold my hand and kiss me.Acting as if we were a couple, so he suggested we become just friends, but as soon as i do this, he goes out of his way to make things more 'couple like' than ever before?! confused much? please help, much appreciated! xxx
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, jealous, kissing, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (10 August 2010):
 Well, OK, If you say so, in three years, more than friends doesn't mean you have had sex with each other....
In my view if this hasn't taken off into a romance by now it isn't going to. He sees you as a friend.
If you want something more and are prepared to "take off" if he doesn't feel the same then what do you have to lose by putting your cards on the table? Somebody here has to if this is going to go to the next level.
I think friendship is a very good foundation for a love relationship and he obviously likes to hang around you, perhaps he is just scared of ruining a good friendship, but isn't that worth risking for the real deal love?
I'm afraid you will just have to tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels and what he wants and why don't we go for it and see how it goes?
Otherwise, nothing ventured, nothing gained. It seems pretty strange but perhaps he is just emotionally immature, I don't know him, you do and you are the best judge of his character and maturity level.
A
female
reader, CaliMoore +, writes (10 August 2010):
CaliMoore is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just to let you know, i am not having sex with him, we are NOT friends with benefits, the most i've done with this guy is make out. I'm not the sort to sleep with a guy out of a relationship, so friends with benefits isnt even an option from my viewpoint.
Thanks for your advice so far guys i really appreciate everyones views! giving yourself advice isnt exactly easy with emotional attachments to those involved!
At the moment im going to try and just enjoy it as things go, and not worry about labels as i think it could just end up putting pressure on us both to live up to the titles, instead of just enjoying it. Trying it so far, and things are good :) just would like him to face his fears and actually commit! as i am not prepared to hang around for much longer :/
Not quite sure what route to take if things get more serious over time though, any suggestions? would be very helpful! much appreciated! thanks again xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (8 August 2010):
This guy is getting all the "benefits" of having a girlfriend without any of the responsibility of having a relationship.
He's immature, he likes you, and since you have been something more than friends (translaions, you two are doing the horizontal mambo) he sees you as part of his harem and as his "property" and he get's jealous because he doesn't want to lose the best bread filly in the stable, the one who is spirited enough to let him ride her and put her up wet and then he doesn't have to care for her or feed her, what a great deal this is!
Come on filly, you know what the deal is, you two are friend's with benefits, no strings sex and plenty of fun for all, and he has low self esteem and doesn't think he is good enough for you and he has told you to move on and to remain his friend (i.e. someone who will have sex with him if she isn't in a relationship and neither is he).
He isn't ready to settle down with just one woman, but you know he has "needs" and so there you are....on occassion to take care of that for him.
Sure he likes you. He likes his shirt pocket to because it is handy and he sure would miss it if someone tore it off his shirt.
Perhaps you should call his bluff and tear the shirt pocket off, stop taking his calls and start sleeping with someone else, or better yet actually dating guys who are grown up enough to be good to you and show you some respect and honor your relationship by being oh I don't know, STABLE, and not in the horse barn sense of the word.
Throw this one back into the manure pile, honey.
...............................
A
male
reader, James_Michael +, writes (8 August 2010):
 Listen sweetheart, don't worry yourself so much. He obviously cares about you so much that he never wants to lose you. Tell him that you understand how he feels about the losing each other thing if you don't work out and completely understand how he feels. But tell him you aren't going to be a doormat and wait round for him forever, because life is for living sweetheart! And there will be plenty of other guys wanting to be with you, if he is just being a prat. :) I hope I helped, keep me updated. x
...............................
|
