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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: This is so typical that it almost hurts to write it, but pain propels my fingers. He starts an affair behind my back, but then believing heshould only have sex with one person at a time, still hangs out with me,but stops the sex (with me), but I at first imagine it's because he's too tired and stressed out. Then I discover it's because it's all going to Girl #2. I askhim to break it off with Girl #2. He says it's "complicated," but doesn't really explain. He says he started going with Girl #2 because of thingshe had a problem with with me, but now I've fixed those things, and headores me. So what should I do? He says he has no interest in marrying
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): This is the orignal writer again -- thank you so much for all of your answers!
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Honey you owe it to yourself to be brave and move on and find a man that will love you for you! The last thing you wrote about him having no interest in marrying her, but maybe you.... What the hell!!!!!!! Hes only saying that to keep you interested, and honey why would you want to marry a man thats cheating and treating you as number 2! Hes sooo not being fair with you... yes it hurts, but he cant be allowed to carry on like this, its not like he has any remorse,.. for godsake hes sleeping with her, and your not having any intimacy... A man that goes off to another women and has sex with them, when they are with you are not worth it... he thinks its all simple have his cake and eat it, well kick him into next week... you are worth more than that... get yourself pampered glammed up and get your arse back out there and stuff him, he soooo does not deserve you!!
Take care x x x
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A
male
reader, DocSilverback  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 First of all, I know that you are just trying to clarify the 'other woman' and yourself and stating that she is #2, but, if he broke things up with you on an itimate level, then she is actually #1 and you are #2, sad to say. No one deserves to be #2 in an intimate relationship. You stated that you even fixed the problems concerning yourself, I can't help but wonder what you had to FIX in order for this guy to be happy with you. You should not have to 'REPAIR' yourself for anyone. If something in a relationship needs repairing, it takes two people to sit down and discuss the issue....not the other FIXING THEMSELVES. Was anything broken? Can't imagine what, but you left that for imagination. It just appears to me that he needs to be put into the shop for an overhaul. I say leave now while all your parts are still working. There is someone out there for you that will take you just the way you are, without a work belt. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (9 January 2007):
 This situation is not healthy for any concerned.
You must be strong and stand your ground.
If this man really loved you, he would not need to see another woman "whilst you sort yourself out" and/or still continue once you have given him the opportunity to put it right.
You may feel that you love him more than anything in the world. The person who you should love most is you!
If it is complicated to leave her, it is because he has complicated his relationship with the other woman and you deserve to know at least why!
Would you be able to trust the man ever again anyway? In my opinion he does not deserve you or your love.
Easier said than done I know, but search within and use your inner strengh to put an end to this suffering.
Do not allow yourself to be an object to be put on/off shelf whevener it suits this person.
Who cares if he says he might marry you not her, what kind of compensation prize is that? Who would want to marry a person like him?
Find someone who can love you back.
Lot of hugs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): This is the original asker.... I think my nervousness made me
miss the crucial word "her" at the end of my question. He said he has no interest in marrying HER, but maybe me.
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A
female
reader, Darlene +, writes (8 January 2007):
 tell him to get lost.stop wasting your time.if he has a girl #2 mosy likely he has a few more on a string.he has
no interest in marriage he is just playing all he can for fools.
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A
male
reader, hitchman2006 +, writes (8 January 2007):
you need to wake up and leave because every minute that goes by from this moment on, is a wasted one!
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (8 January 2007):
 I think you should leave this guy, he seems to think he can have you both. He doesn't respect you enough to tell you why it's "comlicated" that's just so he doesn't have to talk about it. You deserve to have someone in your life that's committed to you and this guy obviously isn't. He obviously wants the best of both worlds maybe it's his way of getting out of the relationship? because he thought you would finish with him? He seems spineless and insensitve your mush better off without him. Move on and find someone who deserves you!
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Obviously, he's just taking the best of both worlds here. He's not willing to commit to you but doesn't want to give up screwing someone else. No matter how 'complicated' things get in a relationship, there's ALWAYS a way out though it may involve tough decisions. But why should you care how tough it is for him to give up girl #2? Its his own mess there. If you want to stay with him, then you'll have to get tough on his ass!
But the other thing is that if you want marry someday and he doesn't (and due to his cheating) dump his worthless butt! If there's a problem with your partner, you dont just grab a new one while your partner solves thier problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): You need to move on and find someone who is willing to give you what you need. It may be hard, but you deserve better. You say he has no interest in marriage -- what about you? There is someone out there for you and as hard as it will be, you need to do what is best for YOU!
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