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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: im cnfused wat does the term soulmate mean?what is love?recently i have had 2 think it over a tadd, hi my name is skittles , i have had this best mate ,lets call him red, my whole life and not many people can say that but its true i new him from the day we were born. he has always had feelings for me hes told my mum but it was onli recently a week before our new years eve partie did i know how much he loved me he said he would die for me he said he loves me completely bt i never could return his feelings i always saw him as my brother someone tht understands me compleletly he understands my fears, he knows my secrets, everythink but on our new years eve party but after a bit of drinking he became tipsey and went all emo he curled up with his hands on his knees and started saying how much he loved this gurl but how she could and would never love him and how depressed he is(this girl being me) and everything and he made me feel so treaded upon and so upset i walked off at this point and went to my other mate i needed a hug and told him to keep red away from me because i could not handle him when he is like this because it makes me want to cry.eventually when we got back he did not come and sit with me in the same room he went downstairs with my mum and company while i went upstairs with my other mates i was so tired and so upset i just wanted a hug off someone.a week later i have not heard from redhe doesnt talk muchits hardi keep crying for no reasoni can not think about him because it makes me upset and depressedmy work is suffering i can not focus why me?why must i have to deal with this burdenmy mom says its not my fault that i probably have never experianced this before and that its totally alien to me that it is not my fault that red needs to mature and learn how to handle his emotions more stronglyi cnt stop crying, i cnt listen to songs like i dont love u by my chemical romance it jus makes me think of red that i have upset him i have to block him out in order to concentrate, my friends do not know i do not tell them these kind of things they never seem interested and since most of them are guys its hard why do i feel like thiswhats wrong with me? some one help me i feel so sad and so miserable
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): We do have control over are emotions but more often than not we don't do deep reflection on the "whys" we may feel such emotions.
Love is one of those feelings that we can experience in varying degrees depending on how much we are willing to open ourselves to. Love in the purest sense has a vunerable quality to it as it involves having a complete or near to trust in another or a great amount of hope in another. Overtime, when we use this "muscle" and we become seasoned in LOVE...it is not so scary and we may just be more willing to put our all into a relationship.
When we know someone...it is still based on what we were told or witnessed. We process this subconciously and conciously with words compared to actions. The words must correlate to the actions in order for things to "jive" for us and also to instill that deep sense of hope and faith in another and trust in another.
You may be unexperienced and more practical to declare an undying love; which is fine by all means. Or you may just be more reserved in nature.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Being that you are both youth...it takes more "maturity" or experience (not sexual mind you) to have a fuller understanding as well as an appreciation for another when it comes to long term/marrital relations.
You may have a love for RED but it may not be the kind one should label as "soulmates".
Probably not what you wanted to hear.
Best Wishes Sweetie.
A
female
reader, Reebe  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Firstly don't feel bad, if you genuinely don't have "love" feelings for this guy then you can't make yourself feel something you don't. Unfortunatly we don't have any control over our emotions! This guy obviously feels alot for you and it could be that he's confused himself. You 2 have been friends for a long long time and that shouldn't be given up on as good solid friendships are hard to find and even harder to keep going. I would give him a few weeks of space, unless he contacts you and you should be as you have always been with him, you need to speak to him and tell him you care for him as a best friend and you will always be in his life,you don't want to lose him, but you don't feel anything romantic towards him,tell him (if you think it's true) that if you were to have a relationship with him then it could destroy the special friendship you have and your not prepared to take the risk.He will eventually meet someone who does return his feelings, I know because I've been there. Just make sure that it is really what you want, he could just be confusing friendship with love which is really easy to do and friends usually make the best relationships but there does need to be some kind of "lust" for each other and if there's not then eventually the relationship would end. This is a difficult situation just be sensitive towards his feelings, and be there if he needs to but you can't run away from this if you want to keep your friendship, you need to talk to him.
Ask your mum for advice to she understands the situation and will help you figure out what to say to him.
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): To me, there are a set of soul mates. They fit within the brightest sections of the the 'spectrum'. The 'spectrum' being an emotional and mental ideal of who is the most compatible with me. My thought processes dictate an automatic 'table' of percentages and stuff like that, that allows me to automatically and instaneously calculate how they relate to me, etc, etc, etc. Please note that this is a concept that generates inside my mind as one glob of stuff and not a chain of formulas that you can see on a white board.
Those who are the 'brightest' include my closest friends whom are a part of my family. Any of them can potentially be a lover to me. Love to me, is really one step down from true friendship. If I have to categorize relationships, they go from being indifferent/associate, casual, and then a deeper connection with them through the 'spectrum'. I can fall in love and be with someone, but it may take time and experience and effort to become true friends with someone. Knowing myself, I am allowed to true friendships if I can see and comprehend pass the narrow concept of "one-love, one soulmate". I don't have a best friend. I have a few very close friends.
My two paragraphs above is my answer to your first question. To answer your last question - there is nothing wrong with you. Bluntly, you're simply not strong enough on the inside. Though being in love and having an intimate relationship of sorts is subjective to each person, if you NEED love and having that sort of intimate relationship to complete you, then that's who you are. No one can help you, even if they give 'great' advice to you. However, if you can see pass that necessity, and work on building on yourself - inside then expand outwards, then that ideal of NEED would no longer apply.
However, to relate to your woes, when I was younger, I fell in love with someone whom it took about two years to get over. The thing is, in those two years, I didn't just sit around and cry myself to sleep. I travelled in Asia, reunited with old friends, start studying again, and made a better life than just balling my eyes out and feeling sorry for myself.
In March 2006, I went through another break-up, but it took less than a month to 'get over' her. Though I still think about her and things occasionally, I am not choked up about it. In the summer, I started an outdoors sports club, went out and met tons of new people, reconnected with a childhood friend, and went through some rather heartbreaking events to do with my brothers and sisters. All these things helped me to rid myself of my own pains and anger.
What do you think? Can you relate?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (8 January 2007):
 That is so sweet, the both of you sound made for each other, and you have know each other since the day you were born.
I think the reason you are feeling miserable is because deep down you have strong feelings for this guy, but you are trying to convince your self that you don't and its eating you up. He obviously has strong feelings for you as he has told your Mum, and has told you at the party.
You are both young, give it time and let the chips fall where they may.
As for the term soulmate, or love, its the person most suited to you, the person you would do anything for, the person that you want to be with 24/7, and when you are not together you can't wait to see them. You feel like god put this person on earth just for you.
Hope this helps x
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