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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and am quite an insecure person. Whenever he talks about other girls, be they famous or otherwise it really gets me down and i get upset. I have asked him to stop and even broke down crying one day because he made me feel so bad but he still does it. What can I do to make him stop?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, applegirl  +, writes (26 March 2008):
 Come on now, people who are saying this is only on the girl, they weren't in this situation before.
If you think you're a mature man or woman then think about this: flirty people flirt. It's a personal trait, not a choice. When we get into a relationship we still have many options out there. Still, there are societal boundaries to be maintained, and there are certainly sensitives that have to be considered. Why would you want to cause pain to the person you care about? It's all about insecurity.
But this story above is not about the girl's insecurity only. It's about the guy's too. Guys who are always talking about other women need the constant proof that they are still wanted by others even though they are in a relationship. They constantly have to prove it to themselves and the World. This is their insecurity. But why tell to someone you are with? Maybe because they don't feel secure in the relationship, they have to show that they can find other woman easily. They tell either because since they are not confident, they want the girl feel insecure want reaction from her, or they do it because they don't care about your feelings at all.
A guy who is mature and wants to be in a relationship with you understands that talking to you about other women won't bring any good, not leading anywhere. It is a major turn off for girls and boys too. Why do it? I don't say you can't notice sometimes a nice looking girl or so, but don't constantly brag about how hot you are!
A
male
reader, tallbloke +, writes (12 February 2007):
I'm inclined to agree, if he was going to do something with someone, he wouldn't be telling you about it.
He obviously gets a rise out of telling you this stuff, so you should give as good as you get. He'll probably respect/fancy you more for it!
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A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Think of it this way... Let's say your bf says Jordon is really fit. But guess who his girlfriend is? That's right. YOU! You're his girlfriend so you must be doing something right. He says that girl down the road is fit...guess who his girlfriend is? YOU! He choose to be with YOU. Do you know why he chose to be with you? Obviously because he likes you. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were fit as well would he? What's with the insecurity? Take a long hard look in the mirror and say "I'm gorgeous and my boyfriend is a lucky guy." Think of all the good qualities you have and remind yourself why you're such a catch.
But then again it depends what exactly your boyfriend says. If he goes on and on about some other girl and starts comparing you to her and insulting you then that's when you should start crying. And that's when you should tell him you don't appreciate his stupid little comments. And that's when you should dump him because he obviously doens't appreciate you and is destroying your self esteem. But I don't think that is the case here. I reckon it's just your insecurities making a little thing into a big deal.
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A
female
reader, Joanna25 +, writes (10 January 2007):
its all right my boyfriend talks about other womens bodies n stuff it really bugs me, but hey, just talk about how sexy some guy is, that'll soon stop him!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 You answered your own question. You said you're quite insecure. So instead of trying to manipulate or control him, fix your insecurities. They are, afterall, yours not his. Now depending on what he's saying, he should try to be sensitive. If he was to say the Halle Berry is really pretty, and you couldn't handle that, that would be your problem. If it's just conversation, let it go.
Talk to a therapist and find out why yo're insecure. You'll be happy you did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2007): Do you mean talk, as in just talk? You haven't gone in to enough detail really but on the face of things there is nothing wrong with talking about other people.He can talk about anyone, can't he? you do not own him nor can control what he can and can't say. It is not his fault you are "breaking down" - it is a problem with inside yourself. Perhaps you need to be with a different kind of guy?
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Why don't you start talking about other men in front of him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. It might make him stop. And also stop talking on how upset it makes you feel (even though it still does).
Luck and Hugs
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