A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months and i've been beginning to notice that we have quite different senses of humour, and disagree quite a lot on things. I think he's an amazing person but I don't think we are right for eachother. He tells me that i'm his soulmate an he would do anything for me an says he's so inlove with me, but i don't understand how he can be, when he has much more of a laugh with his friends than me from what i can see. I don't know what to do because I can't bare the thought of hurting him, as it will devastate him if i broke up with him but I know its for the best, for me anyway. Also it's coming up to christmas so i feel it might be really horrible to do it now?Thank you for your advise x
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Break up with him now. It is never a good idea to string someone along out of pity, which is what this would be if you stayed. You feel badly about dumping him before Christmas so you stick it out until later, right after Christmas. He will know why you waited and will likely feel worse because he was having a lovely Christmas with you while you were there out of pity for him, kind of embarrassing. Unless you decide to wait a few weeks after Christmas, but at that point it is almost Valentine's day and then you will be a 'bitch' for dumping him then. Or he could have a family emergency and you will feel guilty for dumping him, or a birthday, or some event...
The point is there is never a great time to dump someone, it will always be a crappy feeling. It isn't up to you how he takes the break up. It doesn't have to ruin his holidays, it's up to him if he chooses to make it that way. Just do as you would want to be treated. Be kind when you break up and explain your reasons and apologize for the timing but that you didn't feel you should lead him on. Do it as soon as possible, you can both save yourselves the Christmas gifts and family events for something that won't last.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 There is no good time to break up with someone, and if you wait until after Xmas you run the risk of looking like you only stayed with him to get your present and then left. So before is definitely preferable to after Xmas!
If you dont feel compatible then you have to break it off as soon as possible, it is not fair to keep stringing him on. You have only been together 6 months so its a fairly short relationship, he will get over it and he will be ok.
You cant break up with anyone without hurting them, hurt is part and parcel of breaking up. But it will hurt him more in the long run if you drag it out for longer, letting his feelings continue to develop for you and get stronger. The sooner the better is the golden rule with breaking up, so if you can see him today and break up then that would be best. Dont do it over the phone or by text, make sure you do it face to face and simply be honest with him, explain that you simply dont feel like you are compatible, you dont have much in common and its not working for you anymore. Dont give him any hope of being friends or telling him 'its not you its me', be 100% honest, tell him he is not right for you and you are not happy with him.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 December 2012):
Hi there. Even though your sense of humour and his is quite different, there must be some times when you are watching a funny show on televsion, where you find that you both laugh together.
There will always be some times where he laughs at something said, and you DON'T see it as funny at all.
And there will be things you laugh at, and he doesn't see it as funny at all.
This is quite normal, as you aren't the same on everything in life, you are two different individuals, after all.
If this is really important to you, well then before you make any kind of decision about the relationship, you also need to consider all the other parts of the relationship.
You probably have some similar interests, and may like the same or similar music styles, you might also enjoy similar types of movies.
Also things like the types of restaurants you like to visit and the types of food.
There are bound to be a lot of things where you share some common ground together.
You don't have to be exactly the same on everything, it's just not possible.
And it is often these differences, that make your relationship interesting.
You have to consider just how important his sense of humour is to you, and if the fact you don't both laugh at the same time, whether it's such a big issue for you after all.
As long as he treats you well, and with respect and dignity at all times, and you are genuinely happy when you are with him, and you enjoy his company generally speaking, and there is nowhere else you would rather be, well then you probably DO have a very nice relationship with him.
If on the other hand, you feel as though "something" is missing, and it is something BIG that is missing, well then you have to think about whether it makes you unhappy at all, or is it something rather minor, overall.
Like is it something you can live with, and not feel you are missing out, or do you find it INTOLERABLE?
If you can clarify this, you can then decide where to go from here.
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