A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just over a year ago I was in an 'open' relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. We both saw whoever we wanted to no questions asked. It worked for about 2 yearsLast December I started seeing a girl who was a friend of both of ours and our group of friends. Long story short, I developed feelings for her and broke up with my ex last March so we could be together properly.We have been together since and our now expecting our first baby- total shock but we are both thrilled. Our friends and my ex not so much. We are constantly met by raised eyebrows and sly comments when we are out together. Recently one of our 'friends' commented that they were surprised I hadn't bolted as soon as we discovered we were expecting. It hurts to hear this sort of thing from people I have been friends with for years. I love my girlfriend and we are totally faithful to each other- I have no desire to live the way I once did.I just wish people could accept our relationship. What are the chances of this ever happening?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): OP just because they're friends doesn't mean they have to accept everything you do, it's quite normal for a friend who knows you well to be suspicious of things when you've shown in the past what you're capable of.
I have a friend who is a serial cheater, cheated on all the women he's ever been with and has a new girlfriend now who he "swears" this time is different. I don't believe it for a second and I laugh at him when he gushes over this one. It's simple, only time will tell what the deal with their relationship is and I'm not being snidey or judgemental, I love him and he's a great friend but he cant expect me to ignore what he's done or believe every word he says when it comes to women.
Look it's been a year and there is obviously bad blood over the whole situation still amongst your friends, and also a year in is very soon to be having a child. I too would be sceptical of that on a practical level, although you are at an age now where it's more likely this relationship is not a fleeting thing. Only time will tell but in the meantime don't let people make snide comments like that if you don't like them. Simple as that.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 You may need to get a new circle of friends. Congrats on the baby and finding true love.
I had a similar situation and yet I have had NO problems with folks questioning my return to monogamy.
My husband and I were happily married (or so I thought) and we were in the lifestyle. We had very VERY close friends that we spent much time with. I met a guy outside of our regular circle of friends although we all knew him from our hobby (board gaming) and my husband this guy (who was single and lived out of town) sat down and hashed out what would happen if I was to have a relationship with him. All adult and approved. The new guy and I didn't even start out as sexual the first few times.... LONG STORY short, my marriage did not survive (my then husband's choice) and I ended up with the "new guy" as my now husband. We still see all the friends I was friends with but it's not the same and we opt to live a different lifestyle now. But no one questions it when we are together although we do not socialize with them like I did prior to being with my current husband.
If your life has changed and you no longer live in the same style they do, perhaps you have outgrown these friendships and it's time to move on to new friends.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi
Well as you have known her a year and been committed for about 9 months I would have thought they would see your serious about your girlfriend.Now she's pregnant and your still there and clearly happy and kmow what you want.
Perhaps they thought you and your Ex would stay together,maybe she has given them the wrong impression,she may have had alot deeper feelings for you than you know.Its not unusual to fall in love with a FWB,especially women.Even though you were clear it was a mutual arrangement she may have hoped for more.
As your now happy and loyal, with a woman from your circle she has to face that which will hurt and I would guess she has fed the doubts the others have.
Say your piece,tell your friends your happy with your new girlfriend and the pregnancy,you have a future and tell them they are all invited to the wedding.............
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi, Its out of loyalty to your ex that the frinds dont support you. After all you did leave her for one of your one night stands. Put yourself in the ex shoes, how would you feel, betrayed, let down and hurt.
You will have to give them time as this is also about showing loyalty to the party that is grieving, you may have had an open relationship, she still was your girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Have you said those words to them?
"I felt you were my friend and supported my choices in life. I have no desire to be in an open relationship any more and have committed to this woman. We are going to be parents soon and I would like to have your support. Please don't make sly comments about my new relationship and my new circumstances. Please celebrate with me that I've found my life partner and we are going to be parents!"
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (19 December 2012):
Hi there. It's probably not too surprising that your friends are having doubts about what you say your new relationship now is - being totally faithful to each other.
Which is a stark contrast to your previous relationship, isn't it?
Have you taken that into account?
They are no doubt wondering why you are now in a monogomous relationship, whereas the last one was completely open.
So clearly, the last relationship wasn't as important to you as this one is.
And also, there was not the commitment by you, to the last lady, that you now have for this new one.
Looking back now, the last relationship you had - which was an open relationship - may have been just something to pass your time, until you met your real "Miss Right".
The someone special, you really wanted to share your life with.
Your last relationship was almost like a "Friends With Benefits" type relationship, which is a casual relationship, but without any real commitment by either party.
Perhaps with the previous lady, you liked each other okay, but there could have just NOT been enough of an emotional connection between you, for it to become a real commitment.
And because of that, it could have been the reason that it became an open relationship, and then ultimately ended because you both realized there was seriously "something" missing.
An no doubt over time, you and your last girlfriend felt that you both wanted more than what you had - and realized it wasn't going to happen - and so you mutually decided to end it, once and for all.
Great sex is alright for a time, however eventually there needs to be more than just fantastic sex, to keep two people wanting to stay together.
And it seems, you now have that special connection with this new lady.
And so now, all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of your life, are all fitted into place, exactly the way they should be.
So in other words, there is nothing missing now at all.
And that's a really good place to be, I promise you.
Don't be too concerned about what your friends are thinking.
It matters more, what you are thinking and feeling about your new lady, and that you are both TRULY happy now.
I'm guessing that your friends, are thinking that you will eventually get restless and start seeing all different women again.
It doesn't seem that you will do that anymore, now.
People only go searching, when there appears to be something missing in a relationship.
And it definitely seems that with your last relationship, that something WAS missing.
And it now seems that you have FOUND that missing part with this new lady.
Just so long as you are genuinely happy with this new lady, well then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): "I love my girlfriend and we are totally faithful to each other- I have no desire to live the way I once did.I just wish people could accept our relationship. "What are the chances of this ever happening?"They'd be a lot better if you married the woman to whom you are now tied for life via the fact that she is pregnant with your child before she gives birth.But given that your friends have known you for years and therefore aware of your recent past (open relationship, serial partners, dumping ex for another woman) and the relatively short-term duration of your current relationship, their skepticism is warranted.They will stop the snide remarks when after a prolonged period of time during which they no longer have reason to utter them, or when you stop considering them your friends due to their snideness. Sorry, but accidentally knocking up a short-term girlfriend of months duration does not guarantee a lifetime of happily ever after.
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