A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a guy for the last 2 years, We had our ups and downs. He has ended things with me a few times but I took him back everytime, but only because he came running back. This time though he has ended it with me, but still told me that he still cares for me, then he tells me he wasn't satisified with the physical side of things and that I wasn't the woman for him, even from the start. I just can't understand why soemone would string me along for such a long time and then say somethings like this. It has come as a complete surprise to me, and he carries on to say that I should just move on. Was I wrong about him all along? Any advice would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (5 February 2007):
 For a relationship to be successful both partners need to communicate. It sounds to me that your boyfriend never told you things weren't going very well for him in the sex department. He probably had things he'd have liked you to do to him or to try and didn't ever discuss them with you. How were you to know, you aren't a mind reader.
I think the relationship for him was more of a sexual one whereas you were taking it more seriously thinking he might be the guy for you to settle down with. He KNEW deep down it wasn't going to last otherwise he would never had said that you weren't the woman for him, even from the start. You said you had your "ups and downs." I wonder if these ups and downs were anything to do with sex?
Move on love, he doesn't deserve you and in answer to your question I'd say YES, he has been stringing you along.
Eve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): Hi I really sympathise with you, as I am in the same predicament myself. I was with my partner for 4yrs it was always on and off. We took a break for 5 months last year, he begged me to take him back, said he missed me and was lonely. I took him back only for him to finish it 5months later after he told me he no longer loved me. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm attractive, loving and cared about him dearly.I think like your guy he has a flaw in his personality which makes him unable to commit to you. You have great fun together and as soon as you feel comfortable, as though you are finally getting the loving relationship you need, he's off again. I love my man dearly and like a fool would probably take him back again. But I think after 4yrs I deserve more. This pattern will only continue if you let it, so maybe it's time you called the shots.Sometimes men never really know what they want themselves, so by blaming you that he wasn't satisfied with the physical side of your relationship, he effectively is trying to undermine your confidence and your self esteem. Please try and move on from him, I wish I had had the strength 2yrs ago.
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A
male
reader, Kurt +, writes (5 February 2007):
 You had become a comfortable habit. He kept you to warm his bed and do his bidding, while he waits for his ideal woman to make an appearance then he would drop you like a week old sandwich.
This will happen over and over until you stop it or he finds the one he is looking for and it isn't you. If he isn't trying out a new girl right now then it is his conscience that is getting to him for doing this to you. He has already told you in so many words you are not it, you're just a place holder until she comes along.
Stop wasting time on this guy and go find the man that will cherish you as his ideal woman.
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A
female
reader, ..x.. Untouchable ..x.. +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I am only a teenager but my mum lived a lie of love for 17 years!! They were fine for a while then my dad just left, after 17 years of a waste my mum thought she would move on but 3 years later some old friends got in touch and my mum soonly fell in love again!! love is hard to move from but him saying that you wasn't right..everybody is perfect in ther eown way nd anybody can fall in lvoe there own way..sooon your move on..and your realise that being hooked onto the same man will only make matters worse..my mum cried for hours then she had to tell me 3 weeks later my dad wasnt coming back..it broke my heart now i rarely see him! My mum found it hard to discover how much heartbeak it would cause..one morning she just realised to focus on what she had infront of her a family friends to support her... when you have true friends the man will fade away!
sorry if this not any use!
if any more advice or chats needed im here..not that you would want to talk to a teenager!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 February 2007):
 I think this guy has been stringing you along from the start.
You have been with him for the last two years, and he has admitted to you that you were not the one from the beginning, so why did he stick it out all this time?.
Take his advice and move on, there are plenty of guys out there who will be more than happy to date you.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Beki +, writes (5 February 2007):
 This guy sounds a complete jerk and no one should put up with that behaviour, move on there are better guys out there who will treat you with more respect. Get over him, sounds harsh but to me it sounds like you shouldn't waste any more of your time on him. good luck finding a new guy and don't take him back a leopard never change its spots.
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